A Little Optimism

University life is not that bad, even for a passionless subject such as myself. To think of the suffering that I go through each day battling my own mediation, it's all just too much thought. In reality, the only true hours of labour that I bother to clock in during my academic life is the week before an essay is due. Other times I spend rebelling the system to no avail while crying to my counselor.

After the storm, there is a fine thread of optimism that always shines through. At such moments, I can actually feel contented with what I have and think that my life is wonderful. Not often this happens, not often at all. When it does, I like to enjoy its brief happiness.

Many others are probably going through this phase of their lives without direction, forcefully, propelled by the expectations of both their families and societal norms. There are also those who, like a handful that I know of, are realising their dreams at university, venturing into fields they have a deep passion for. Perhaps I envy them, for having solid goals. They thrive on the will to succeed while I mostly just stay alive, unremarkably. I wonder if it is a sin to have no dreams of material possession? For that is what drives people nowadays to succeed. If it is not for wealth, then it is for nothing. Have I found out too soon that happiness does not depend on what you possess but who loves you? Mah. Coming from a family where my expenses are disposable, the economic superiority that allows a non-working lump of fat to attain whatever it fancies doesn't make me happy. Wealth makes life convenient, but never genuinely happy. Each time I shop, I feel gratified for 5 minutes, then the weight of negativity comes crashing down on me again.

I find it primitive when people think "how can she kill herself when she had such a good life?" regarding suicides of young, affluent females. Knock, knock, how many times does it need to be retold that wealth does not equal to happiness? Sure, she had a pretty face too, and you wanted that bag she carried-- it would have made you happy to be able to own such possessions, you think. Let us be honest, when you do own such an item, it'll just be in its dustbag in the depths of your closet.

This post is supposed to have a little optimism in it, yes...

On the peak of the rainbow's curve, I sit immersing myself into the foreign languages and cultures I am learning. They seem to be the only components of life I find worthwhile. My writing isn't all that bad either, is it? Hah.