Friday, 31 December 2010

Band Trip~2010~

Band trip... One day... To Genting, then to Times Square, stop for dinner on the way back... Then... Finally... Back home...



School's on Monday. I feel like killing myself already.


PMP =_=



Let's not talk about that. I hate it. Just thinking about that makes me wanna jump down from a high place.


The trip.

It was... Fine... Okay... Cold... Nice... Not nice...

My legs still hurt. 

There HAD to be clowns. I was in such a bad mood that they made me so scared that I forgot about my bad mood and became scared. At least they didn't wear THAT much make up... I have no idea why children like clowns. They are freaking scary. Killer clowns. Killer dolls. 

Next time, I think I'm gonna bring cup noodles to Genting. Dammit. I spent about 90 on food. 30+ on tea, 17 on a freaking Happy Meal which made me UNHAPPY, 2.10 on an ice cream, 20 on rice, 10 on a sausage and Milo, about another 18 on breakfast this morning...

Oh well...

At least I got what I needed.

Yes, I bought a t because I feel bad about not changing when going out with you.


At least I got a shirt as an excuse to my mum... You do not wanna know how much I used... 






On the bus... Leaving school.

Before that, we went exploring the school. Saw a kitten. Damn cute. Damn small. It liked me so much, I had to carry it for Jessica when we explored the school a SECOND time. It was so hungry that it thought I had milk, either that or I just smell damn good. Good thing it didn't tear my shirt. Or else... 


So... On the bus... While everyone's sleeping so nicely, I WAS WAITING FOR A REST STOP. I held it in for 2 freaking hours. We passed two stops that I was so worried that we weren't gonna stop at all... I was looking at the road, for rest stops...  Jessica just... opens her eyes and does nothing. She couldn't sleep. And I thought I was the only one awake. The person behind me slept so nicely that I heard him snore. Not like a pig la, very soft. 

Morning came.

When we finally stopped for breakfast, I went to sleep.

Nobody went down. After 30 minutes, I woke up and went down. So... Yeah... I just slept for 30 minutes. From about 5.30am to 6am =_=

Called Zongxu TO TELL HIM THAT WE WERE HAVING BREAKFAST. Because everyone was wondering who's gonna be responsible for calling him and then suddenly turned to me. I wonder why...

Was conversationless as usual with him.


The bus went up the hill... 

Tuu... Sounds more like a train, but, whatever. That's the best thing that I can think of.

Nice scenery, I felt jumping into the clouds. They looked so soft, so fluffy... If you wanna suicide, do it there, you'll never know when you might hit a rock and die.


Left the bags in the lobby, then off we go, to the outdoor park.

I found feeding the fishes more interesting than going on rides that makes you throw up. 

Right. I spent 12 on fish food...


I was having a headache, and the queues are long... So... Feed the fishes, it's relaxing, easy, and the fishes get some food, people take photos of them, I get less bored, less stressed, less moody... I'm just not a morning person... I felt like dying in the outdoor park. I never rode anything extreme. Got myself and the others soaked because I wanted to ride the water log thing. 

You have to hold on real tight, if not, you might fall off half way... And... The heaviest three that day HAD to share the same boat =_=

After drying ourselves with the other ride, we went to the restroom and dried ourselves properly... Uhh... Not properly... With the HAND dryer... Not HAIR dryer... 

I'm killing myself. I smell like a giant rose T^T

I can't continue this post like this...

I can't...

Or wait...

You can't continue this post cause your eyes are hurting?

Well, have a break, have a Kit-Kat. There's a long, long way to go.

After drying. Lunch time.

Thanks to Si Kai, we climbed down the stairs, and up again, then down the other one, then go back up again... Then... We finally went back indoors, and went to McDonald's to have my UNHappy Meal.

That's when my headache got worse. Worse headache, even moodier.

They had to DRAG me... Literally DRAG me to the outdoor park again. I was saying that I was gonna be fine on my own and that I was gonna wait at the lobby till three, BUT NO... They HAD to drag me out... They said that he was waiting for me? Yeah right, I just followed them, met more clowns, and waited for them to finish while I took pictures of flowers. 


Everyone owns a freaking DSLR these days. They feel uncomfy when using a TINY cellphone to take pictures, and sorry my tiny cell has its own stupid light settings that the guy couldn't take a pic using it because he's too smart and doesn't know how to use a cell to take pictures anymore. And sorry I don't like self portraits and don't know how to self pose and self take at the same time.

Recycled Christmas. 

After checking in at 3.30pm or some where near that time, we went to our room. Me, Mariane, Shirley, and Jessica. Jessica left her clothes all over the bed to dry, I threw all my junk food out on the bed too. A big mess. So... I just used Shirley's and Mariane's bed to lie down.

Few minutes later...

Got a text. 


Damn. Had nothing to wear. Just brought ONE change. 

Took the extra key, went out and bought something to wear. Not bad, at least I found something. 

Went back to my room after half an hour of rushy clothes shopping. They are still asleep... Had a shower, came out, STILL ASLEEP... 

When they went out at about 5, I was still in the room, sitting down, slowly eating seaweed and drinking tea. Felt so sleepy. As I was dozing off, I heard a knock on the door. NO. Don't guess. Room service. Actually scared the hell outta me when nobody answered me when I asked who the heck is knocking.

Walked a bit.

Had coffee...

No wait...

I had tea and a lolli.

Went back.

You're fast. You disappeared when they unlatched the door =_=

Dinner. Walked around. Finally. Food court.

Had Taiwanese food.

While I was eating...

Matthew nicely came, nicely took his chair, nicely sat down, nicely drank coke, nicely had fish and chips, nicely left... 


He's so clueless that it's a good thing.

Damn you Justin... I think you're right, I think I'm sick. But wait, I'mma prove you wrong when we go out tomorrow. 

I think I should really sleep now...

Yes. Yes.

Mostly, I spent time with him.

Yesterday and today. 



Cold air.

An angry mouse.


Cold air feels good... Well... Different from an air conditioned room. It's cold, but it's natural, so, you wont feel that cold... Alright... That's just me, you were freezing in your very short hoodie. You could have left anytime you wanted, I'm already used to having nothing and being alone. But thank you, you cared.

Somehow, I knew you'd come back.

If it didn't start raining, I would be there all night. I'm serious, I can do that, there's always something when there's nothing. So, when there's nothing... A lot goes through my mind, but, I try to shut my mind up by listening to music. Yeah. I'm weird. But... It's a good thing, waiting isn't a problem for me.

You were so happy to finally leave =_=

You don't like being with me that much? Either that or you just hate the cold and aloneness. 


It felt weird, but, at the same time, it didn't. Because it was you maybe? I could hold anybody's hand and swing it lalala without feeling anything. Not even the warmth. But... You... Yeah... Even when it's cold, it was warm. Again... I miss your hand...  

Was my head heavy?

I have to admit. I was trying REAL hard NOT to use your shoulder AT FIRST. But then... I gave up resisting. Boop. I sleep. Until my mum messaged me...

It's always my mum...

It felt... Wow... I always wanted to do that!

I felt happy I guess, I finally have a shoulder to lean on, instead of sleeping straight, or using the window. In both ways, I have somebody... I'll try not to be pushy and rely on you too much though, you're not gonna be near. 


I have a habit of hugging everything I lean on.

It was so hard for me to NOT turn around and hug you T^T

That's why I kept pinching myself, I guess... And it was too bright to hug you =_=

I should shut up now.

This post of TRIP is a failure.

The toilets at Times Square another failure.

I can't think straight when I'm sleepy and with my head spinning, and I think I'm hungry...

Gonna have ramen. And tea.

Yes, the best part about all this, why I'm happy and the trip didn't suck. It's obvious isn't it? Even if I had nothing to buy while shopping... Even if I had nothing I wanted to do... The reason I'm even happy...



Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Post #281

I ran outta titles. I'm just here cause they're playing bingo. 5 cards. Wow... Long game... I really don't know how many rounds they played. I was watching Suicide Circle. Damn... Sick movie... And you know what? I STILL DON'T GET THE STORY...


Happens every time...

Ahh... The reason for me to Skype. I'm bored. BUT WAIT. The main reason is to talk to you. But... DAMN my mum has good timing... The first message... And she just opens my room door, lie down and look at who I'm talking to.


The hell... 10 times outta 10... She's always here when the first IM comes. There's just no privacy around here! ARGH!!! T^T

And when she FINALLY leaves... YOU HAVE TO SLEEP?


Going to school at 10pm. We're gonna explore the damn place. Let's just hope we all don't SEE anything, or TOUCH anything, or FEEL anything... Uhh... And most importantly... Hope there wont be a hand reaching outta the ground. Zombie invasion. Either you go out to sea, or stay on a plane forever. Those b****** can't swim, they can't fly either ^_^

Today's Skype session is still going on, it's pass 3 hours~

Wake me up, when September ends~

Not disturbing Jessica and her Sri Tan.

Listen to some songs.


Hope Han Siang gets better soon. Leg injury. Haih. Some luck.

You guys think of where to go. I'll be...





Personally, I prefer night better. I'm not a morning person, I feel so much better at night too. Day time at the amusement park... Oh God... Seriously? I'm such a lazy person. Let's go for coffee after those rides that makes you wanna throw up.

Day time...

What else to do...

What else to do...

If there's a beach, I'd roll in the sand... But... So high up... UGH... There's nothing T^T

If there's the Sun, the beach is the best. If there's the moon, the beach is also the best. But..

What am I saying?

It's Genting. Not beach trip.



I'll be cold.

Monday, 27 December 2010

I'm Bored, I Blog.

Yeah... Every post, is because I'm bored. I have NOTHING to do. And... Facebook is dead, OMGPOP lags bad... I have no intention of cleaning during the afternoon, just got the books done yesterday, while using Skype =_=

Somehow... I always HAVE something to blog about, when there's really NOTHING I wanna blog about.

I'm not professional la.

I'm just bored.

I'm still here...

I'll always be here...




Going junk food shopping later with Mariane and Jessica? Maybe Matthew and Hs? O_O



Let's not go there...

I don't feel like going back to school. Everything ends a bit TOO soon... My holiday... Spent sleeping... Because I'm bored as hell...

Then... 2011...



End of the World.

I know I still have a long way to go, but... I don't mind if the world really ends then. I wonder if this is called not afraid to die, or... I just don't care.

I have a feeling. 2011 will suck.

I say that every year.


Not everything sucks that bad. But still... They suck.

I don't know how to explain myself.

It's complicated.

Why is there no notifications on Facebook?!

If you take too many quizzes, you eventually get bored, and answering questions is like... Damn... Not the fav colour question again. Damn I hate the colour question. THEY DON'T LIST OUT YOUR FAV COLOUR!

Let's just listen to some songs.

I'm EMO, but, I don't dress like one, I don't have hair covering my face, I don't have piercings, I hate black and I hate boots. AND I DEFIANTLY DON'T CUT MYSELF.

I'm afraid of pain too, and... Blood makes me feel funny...

Another reason for you to ROFL.

I'm scared of many things la dammit.

I'm scared of things that nobody really ever cares about, I'm not scared of things that people usually care about.

Let's Skype again. Usual time, usual group, usual nonsense.






Let's all Skype again tomorrow~

Let's see if we can break today's record of 4 hours 40++ minutes ^^

Everyone is welcomed to join, but... Well... Yeah... Anyone can join, but, if you wanna leave, leave anytime... If the person that joined have nothing in common... Or... Well... I DON'T LIKE... Then I'll leave first, THEN come back =D

Nah... I just don't care. The more the merrier. But sometimes, let's just dim the lights. If there's too many lights, we can barely see anything, and... It'll get so hot, one or two will blow, and I think I'll blow cause of the heat AND light.

What am I talking about?

I think I Skyped too much just now @_@


There's just no privacy around here. My mum HAD to come in and chat. Why don't she make an acc for her self? That way, she doesn't have to shout over my mike, and block my screen. Uffff... She has nothing else better to do... Haih...

Damn... Why did it stop downloading?

Anyone got a pendrive? If the plan is to WATCH a horror movie BEFORE going, then... Let's watch Suicide Club... I don't know if it's good or not... But, the starting looks interesting and they SAY that it's damn sick. Shall we?

Fuk... I have 2.6% left... SO WHY WONT IT START?!

I hate it when they stop downloading when you have so little left. Damn torrents. But... It's clear~

This is the sample video from the torrent that I downloaded, just watch it, there's no sound. Sorry. But the complete movie got sound la...


People go to bed so early.


So, what do you guys think about the movie? Good enough?

It's a Japanese horror film, so, expect it to be a bit... Complicated... I never get the story... NEVER... I've watched so many Japanese/Korean horror movies, but... I always fail to understand them... I just know how they die... And mostly, it's about revenge, either that, or it's just jealousy. Yeah... Mostly those two... Mostly because of love too... Love and beauty. Yeah...

Sometimes, it serves them right.


If I knew, I wouldn't have deleted every movie I watched. I had this Thai horror movie, which was so pathetic... You'd laugh until you die... At the ending =_=

Phobia 2.

It's made outta 3 or 5 stories... A few scary ones, a few complicating ones, ONE stupid story =_=

Meat Grinder wasn't bad. Human meat noodle soup. Okay... FINE... Meat Grinder wasn't very good either... There was just a few killing scenes. Yeah... Also because of love...

Let's see...

What else is there?

I never had the patience to watch Paranormal Activity. It got such good reviews... I gave up watching after 5 minutes =_=

But my grandma said that it was nice...

It's actually real, that's why I didn't watch it.

English horror movies are... There's NO ghost. Only some dude in a mask killing for his mama. A pervert raping and eating women. A dude who kills you in your dreams...

Damn... I don't feel like sleeping now...

Why did my COME SKYPE post became a HORROR MOVIES post???

I Skyped too much.

Good Night.

Sweet Dreams.

I don't care if you're Sri Tan.

Why the heck do you need me to wish you so many times? LOL. I know I have a nice voice =P

Don't throw up ya~

I think... I need a bag stand...

My shelves are tight. You can't squeeze anymore books. Well... If there's more, I could use a new column, but then... What will happen to my babies? I have so many... They can't all sleep with me... Now that I look at them, they don't look like they're near 20, but when it's time for a group photo... They can't fit in the screen =_=

Never mind... I'll sleep with the bigger ones... Suzuki-san... The puppy my mum gave me, and uhh... Toffee? The Gingerbread Man I got from my aunt few years ago~

I sleep with a few bean-filled??? Ones too... Like my penguin, star, and demon :x

I feel like sleeping with the others... But... I'm lazy to clean up.


This is getting further and further away from the title.


Sunday, 26 December 2010

Enchanted Doll by Marina Bychkova

Was too bored, clicking around... And found this Enchanted Doll...

Go to her blog and look at those HANDMADE dolls that make you go "WTF?!SHE MADE THEM?!"

I would like to be her friend. LOL. Maybe I could get on of her dolls as a present =P.
As you can see, those handmade dolls are one of a kind, and one of a kind things have one of a kind price. A doll costs a few thousand. Hmm... It's reasonable, I would like one... By twenty eight... Yeah, I will buy one ^_^

I wonder if I should start saving up now...

Just look at the doll...

It looks so real! I didn't find a nude one on purpose la... But, you know? She really paints all the details... I'll find an even nuder one~

For some reason, they all have sad eyes... It's like they're saying...

"No... Don't keep me in a box! Don't look at me naked! Don't take pictures of me naked!"

She even painted... Never mind... Really detailed.

She spends about 150 hours on each dolly. Hard work... Mm... Nice dolls...

When I first saw the dolls...

I got scared...

WHAT? I'm afraid of dolls AND clowns T^T

What an unusual fear...

I love teddy bears though.

The dolls look so sad, and so real, it's like they're crying ='(

They are so pretty. I want to have one, but... I'm scared to have one... What if my life turns into a nightmare if it came to life and tried to kill me? It's like Child's Play... With that killer doll Chucky... Oh god... My fear of dolls started with that movie... When I was six...


I'm scared, I want one, but... I'M SCARED...

If my fear of dolls AND clowns still wont go away when I'm 28... Am I hopeless?

I'll tell you one more thing...

I'm afraid of music boxes...


Just all things dolls and clowns and music boxes, okay?

They make a scary combination.

Every time I hear the sound of a music box, my hair stand. When I see DOLLS, I jump. When I see clowns, I stare at them for a while then run away... I'm beginning to think that the clown at McDonald's is evil =_=

Who knew I was such a baby... I'm afraid of the pathetic things in life.

Admitting EVERY fear NOW, isn't a good time... If I admit them all at once, you'd be dead. Cause you laughed to hard. Probably rolled down the stairs while laughing.

While normal people fear robbers, I fear dolls. 

The Holidays Are... OVER?!

What the... One month already? Are you kidding me? A MONTH? Passed just like that? What did I do again...? Yeah, that's right, I slept. For almost a month. Well... It was boring anyway...

Christmas is over. Damn boring. Way to show the holiday spirit. Are Sitiawan people dead, or something? Empty streets, NO DECORATIONS? Why ain't the waiters wearing an elf outfit at Secret Recipe? Why did we  talk so little O_O


Next time, I'll just order plain water. I ordered RM17 worth of drinks. Yeah. 3. What? I was thirsty... And... That stupid plate of spaghetti, I barely touched it, Jessica and Han Siang finished it for me. There goes my 14 bucks. A tiny slice of Durian Cheese cake... Ahhhhh...

I should have just ordered ONE drink.

There goes my hard work...

I should have just stayed home and slept! T^T

Ufff... The curly fries and nuggets are in the paper bag. Dammit. I feel like killing myself.

Not, not because I'm eating too much.

It's because, I still buy it, when I don't even feel like eating it.

Should have just gave it to the maid again...

I feel like cleaning my room NOW.

But... I'm sleepy...

If I was the me few weeks ago, damn, this is as early as hell. I would sleep at 5am. And waste the next day. Sleeping. But... I don't know... Ever since that time... I've been sleeping a bit early, the most is 3.30am... But, I still wake up at 9.30 in the morning. I have no idea what's wrong with me.

I'll never get this cleaning done. I've been saying it since January. And I still haven't done anything.


Tomorrow... Tomorrow... Tomorrow...

There's just no end...

Wednesday, huh?

Not much I wanna do there, I'm just going cause Jess and Shirley need me so much xD

If they throw me there... Ah... There's always Starbucks? And I guess I can always go see if Audrey's working.

Hey... The hell guys... TAKE ME WITH YOU... I don't care if there's six or seven together, I can walk with Mariane if you wanna walk with Shirley, or Si Kai... JUST DON'T LEAVE ME T^T

Friends are so cruel these days.

They tend to leave you alone and go have fun on their own.

What can I say...


Don't sneeze.

I'm impatient.

Sometimes... It's like... The other way round...

I keep waiting, but every time I hear that whisper. It's... Another fucking time wasting cold joke. Either that, or it's my mum telling me how good her cake tasted, and asking me what time I'll be back.


Don't dulan him la. He's not stealing girls or anything. He's just friendly. And helpful. And please remember that he was the one that came all the way back to my place after receiving the "WTF HE'S THERE" message.

I have nothing else to say.

When you're too good of a person, people will hate you and talk bad about you? But when you're a bad person, they talk bad about you too? How is this fair to the good guy?

What about what you want? You know you don't have to spend time with me if you don't want to... I mean... I'm just me... They're your friends... For 5 years... And it's hard for you all meet up once you guys go away right?

I'm okay with being alone.

I'm used to it anyway.


It's up to you...

That's why... It's natural to lie.

 A smile. 

I'm fine.

 I'm okay. 

Saturday, 25 December 2010

Merry Christmas


Anyway, Merry Christmas ^_^

Don't know bout the rest of you, but, I can say that this Christmas SUCKS. For me.

I don't know what happened. Every year is just worse than last year, and finally, THIS IS THE WORST. I wonder how sucky next Christmas will be... Cause... You know... But, if it lasts, it'll be better.

Chinese New Year's the same.

Each year, as we grow older, as relatives LEAVE... FOREVER... There'll be LESS people, so... I don't really feel the holiday spirit. I'd rather stay home and sleep all day, watching BL in between. Seriously... I don't feel motivated, and damn... The weather is sooo bad, you'd feel even LESS motivated than you already ARE.

This year... I didn't even go Christmas shopping. I didn't even buy new toys... I didn't even LOOK at Toys R Us and listen to the happy Christmas music that makes you so jolly you just wanna buy MORE toys... I FEEL SO UNJOLLY THIS YEAR T^T

Even buying dresses I rarely wear is better than this year. AT LEAST I BOUGHT SOMETHING LAST YEAR.

I hate girly shoe shopping. My feet don't fit. Too wide for some reason... Ahh... Flip-flops are the best, but... They're not the best for formal events... Gonna wear a long evening gown so that I can wear flip-flops instead. Hehehe. Covers my feet, touches the floor, no one would bother looking beneath it xD


Don't tell anyone.

But first, Imma have to get me one of those long evening gowns.


 I did that for Halloween ya' know... Wearing that long cloak that touches the ground, but wearing my soft flip-flops underneath. Heh, unlike most girls, fuck heels. I know they're pretty la. WTH.

I don't look good in heels, I don't look good in dresses, let's face it, I'm a failure as a woman. I'm just gonna go sit in a corner and draw circles... That's why I prefer lying on the sand, you think what?Some bitch in high heels and a dress would wanna roll in the sand?

Yeah.Yeah. I'm just jealous.



Did I just admit that I'm jealous of pretty bitches???




You know what?

The best thing about Christmas...

Come back from a Christmas  'countdown' party, with a failure of a countdown and opening ceremony, having somebody say that they miss you FOR THE FIRST TIME, and come back, make some noise, wash up, jump into bed and sleep till morning.

No wait...

That's not the best...

Waking up naked in bed and then remembered you were too lazy to put on your PJs... Yeah...

Merry Christmas everyone.

Let's go out tonight, I have no objections if we're going swimming at night.

Just after watching Piranha, THE HELL MAN... Sometimes, it's better to have dumb ass government than those ploty smart asses. Well... I would prefer SMARTER ministers, just, not too smart that they come up with some fucking biological weapon and turn everyone into zombies, or make killer fishies.

So, either way, it's always fuck the government.


Some people, I wonder...

How did the misunderstandings start? Was it because of personal issues that lead to the coldness that you felt? Is it because it was that specific person, that you felt ignore you? But... How do you know? It was hard, wasn't it, for you both. But know this. I can't stand it. With two people still loving each other, both trying to forget, thinking that the same thing that you both don't love each other anymore. I'd rather not know than know.

Fuck relationships.

He loves you.

She loves you.


Just do whatever you feel like doing. After all, nobody is truly happy, I wonder, what does it mean to truly be happy.

Santa, I want RM1000 in cash for Christmas.

I know you're asleep already, but... DAMN YOU... YOU DIDN'T EVEN LEFT ME A PRESENT.

Merry Christmas everybody, even if you don't feel the spirit, Merry fucking Christmas.

Yes. I'm upset.

Christmas Eve and Musical Night Dinner?

What the hell... Count down for Christmas? You lucky draw half way say


THAT? Has to be the WORST countdown. The Halloween one was better la...



Sexy man~

So fair la T^T

So slim~

So nice~

Too bad la... That perverted dude my mum brought along was looking at your butt when you were on stage. Cause... Well... Your back was facing us... So... I guess... Everyone can only look at your butt???!!!



Enough with that...

If that 10 year old was 10 years older, wow... It would be much more enjoyable... I wonder... Few years later, will she still perform??? I hope she has big boobs... Hmm... I wonder... Will they bounce when she dances? That would be a bit funny~ Teehee~

Suddenly, I feel that ballerinas make good girlfriends?

Don't worry, you're still my girlfriend, unless, you wanna be my boyfriend?


They look so fair, and slim, and they dance too!

Most of all, they are soft~

Don't ask why.

I feel that they're soft???


I'm a bit lazy to change. After I came back, Facebook a while, wishing mah pals and girlfriend Merry Christmas, played the piano... And... Mostly, I was just figuring out how to put back the clear holder thing... Dammit... After so long... And... It only took 3 secs to fix it... ~!@#$%^&*()_+


It's Christmas,  play Silent Night la.

The neighbors aren't here with knives. Good.

Man... If my aunt gives me her spare Blackberry next year... And what... Postpaid line? HAHAHA. My mum will kill me when the bill comes. You know how I get carried away if there's no limit la =_= which is a bad thing.

I'm so lazy to change, I feel so sleepy! Uffff!

Wear stockings and a dress to sleep. Hope I don't rip the stockings.

I don't care la... Besides... I'll be up at 10am...

So... I'll just bathe then.



Where the hell did my spirit go?



No mood.

Tradition died.

Kiss me under the mistletoe.


My hair... Ahh... I was in a hurry... I splatted a handful of wax la... =_= Damn sticky now >_<

When it comes to shoes, dresses, and HAIR...


I prefer jeans, shorts, simple tees, flip-flops, and sneakers.



I was in...


What do you call that...

This type of girly shoe, with holes in front? NO. THE ABOVE PIC ISN'T MINE.

If I wore a long gown that covered my feet, I would have wore slippers instead =_=

Slippers damn comfy~

No pictures of our sexy Jesvin.


Wasn't in the mood to take pictures.

Shit... Credit balance RM17.50. Damn... RM4.50?

Damn expensive.

But... What to do?

 I beh tahan wor... Can't control myself T^T

Want gimme Blackberry pulak... Go bankrupt...


Never thought that you'd say it to me. Miss.

Doesn't feel like Christmas... Probably because this year, I didn't went toy shopping at Toys R Us.


Every year, I buy myself toys during Christmas shopping... But this year... Hell... There isn't even Christmas shopping. I'm so embarrassed, don't gimme presents. I have no more space, and besides, nobody can get me the things I want.

Other than meeting Santa...

I want a giant teddy bear.

I want a Me To You Tatty Teddy~

I want a futon set~

I want a free anime dvd grabbing coupon, which allows you to grab 5 anime dvds you want ^_^

I want Sebastian and Ciel nendroid by Good Smile Company~

And mostly...

I want Zongxu.

Anyone can get me my presents?

No right?

Then, good night.

Don't bother asking me if I'm changing.

Damn lazy. Tired. Even if I didn't dance.

Dancers went to Steak House. Yeah... After the dinner. I'm guessing the owner's treat... Or maybe Mr.Lau's treat?

Don't know.

Jesvin, you look damn hot today.

Teach me how to dance.

On second thought... DON'T...

I don't think I like dancing.

I'm sad...

The hip-hoppers didn't do Lady Gaga.




Friday, 24 December 2010

Teach You...?


Seriously, I have no idea...

It all started with him being curious of who I like. So... I like playing games, and he's bad at guessing, so, we played a guessing game... Things got... Hmm... Worse? Better? After he guessed himself?

I don't really know.

Seriously, I don't.

You don't have to THINK about anything. You don't have to be smart, and think about what will happen and about the God damn future... Just... You have to tell yourself...

"Yeah! I can do it. If I get rejected. Nah, what the hell, at least I got it out."

But of course, when you get rejected, you get all EMO and you cry and stuff... But... Be proud, at least you told him/her. Yep, be proud cause you got the guts to do it.


That's what I am. Well... Idiots have no worries right? So, be an idiot, to make yourself feel better. Idiots are somewhat braver than normal people. It's true you know? Cause, they don't worry =_=


HAH. This is the worst part. You WILL have regrets. Either way, you will... For a while anyway. So, don't worry about it. If you really like him/her, it's worth it. And well... Maybe he/she will like you back?


Like SOME people, who keep saying that they'll get rejected without even trying first... JUST EMPTY YOUR FRIGGIN HEAD. And then, you can just say it out with no worries. Mm, take a deep breath first, it's stressful if you're telling it face to face.

4. WAIT... OR RUN...

You have two choices after you tell him/her. You can wait for the answer, or, if you're too chicken, RUN AWAY. Yeah... If you KNOW that you'll REALLY get rejected, run away. But... if you stay, maybe that person will have a change of heart... But... I don't think laptops change that fast(you know who I mean).


Don't care. If you do, it'll hurt more. I know how that 'he's really kind, and if I see that kind smile, that happy face, laughing together with them, with us, it will hurt so bad that I can't take it.' feels. It hurts bad right? But well, it is better than not seeing each other. So, keep a smiley face, even if your heart is cracking so bad you can hear it.


If you can't take it anymore, if you're an impatient idiot like me, you can just shout it all out in front of other people. Or, you can just ask him/her to come with you for a sec, then, you say what you want. If you're impatient, it works better, cause, you're firey I guess???? O_O


I never expected things to turn out like this.

I'm just me.


Yeah, that's the most important thing... If he/she can't accept YOU, because you're YOU. The hell man, just walk off without a second thought and forget about that person already. If you guys are friends, then, he/she can accept you, but, maybe they just don't feel the same way... Yet...

But, if you've never talked for 5 friggin years, and he/she kinda hates the fact that you like him/her. Then well... Good luck with things. If she can't accept you because you're you. Waisi, just forget about her. If you're already so God damn negative, what you expect? If you're EMO, you think you can get things done? Ah, fuck. I used to be like that. But you know what? I found it in me to tell how I really feel. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE.... YOU'RE A FUCKING GUY.


I know that it's hard, because it's her, because you know, she's way better than you. That's why you're looking down on yourself. You can't fucking do that! JUST FUCKING TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL ALREADY AND STOP BEING EMO.

Ah damn... I don't know why I'm so pissed. Is it because he becomes a sissy when it comes to her? Is he that much of a wuss?

I'm sorry la...


I'm gonna go clean my room now.

I don't think the above post helped =_=

Thursday, 23 December 2010


I'm so bored.

Can't believe I woke up already. I would be LESS bored if I'm sleeping.

Sleeping is a boring thing, but you know what? You don't get bored when you sleep.




Suddenly, I feel that all hope is lost...

For my maths T^T

Once again... I fail to understand the complications of simple mathematics. If this goes on... I don't know who will end up in a hospital, me or my grandpa. Well... If you taught me... You'd know how stupid I am. If you think you can handle me, and NOT kill me, then, come on~

Let's all pray that I pass THIS in PMR.

I couldn't even pass this year T^T

I'm just not good with numbers. And... I think my mind doesn't like playing puzzles. Stupid diagrams!


I feel so hopeless T^T

I wonder if I am...



Congratz to Tan Chwan Shyang ma~ 8 As. Whooooo!

Did I spell your name right? :x

And to Tan Jia Wern, 5 As... Not bad ma... Don't be too dissatisfied. 5 As better than what your boyfriend got last year xD

Don't know about other people. Could care less.

Hey... They're both TAN ^_^

What would you do if you stepped outside wearing nothing, just wrapping yourself with a towel and you're mum's friend happens to be there... And... Owh... The towel's loose...

I'm just asking.

Thank God for windows. If not... I would leave a bad impression...


When you're at home, it's good to not wear anything. Many benefits...


Save some detergent, and water, AND electricity, if you use a washing machine.

Less water pollution.

Cause... If you don't wear, you don't wash, if you don't wash, then there's no soapy water =)

Not like your friends are going to barge into your house... Especially mine. I live so God damn far, nobody even wants to come here. I'm so safe~

Actually... I don't like wearing clothes cause not wearing anything feels more comfy. And... You notice how soft the blankets are...

Right, and some people think it's weird if you don't wear a bra for 24 hours =_=

I should stop now...

I'll be back soon...

Cause I'm TOO bored.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Last Night

I don't really know what I'm going to write... Don't think it'll be short... Make a cup of tea, have a biscuit... Slowly read it, if you have nothing else better to do. Bored people are always welcomed ^_^

We were talking...

What does it mean... How does it feel to be truly happy?

Because... None of us... None... Were really happy. The other two just hid their true self so well... No one can see through them... But me... I'm tired... Let's just pretend when I feel like it...


When it comes to relationships... I don't know... People do crazy things sometimes... I'm already crazy, so... I didn't think that it was a big deal. Besides... It's not like I do that everyday... And... Well... It's you.

I couldn't answer you... Because... There was nothing to say...

That was enough...

Sitting on the bench, looking at the waters, looking at the lights, listening to the waves... Looking at the moon~

I never felt so warm?

It felt good~

Though... I was cold =_=


You have warm hands. I never really held it... I just... Put mine on top of yours???? It felt warm, and nice... If it wasn't for Joseph... That big ball of light... Bursting behind the bench...  I don't know... Maybe I'd really fall asleep.

This time... Don't ask... Hold mine... Please?


I guess...

I miss your hand...



It's warm...

I'm cold...

I don't know... I guess... We were meant to have computers separating us. Mm... Meeting in person is better... But... We become speechless, just looking at each other... Or... Pretending to look at the moon. Okay... Fine... I become speechless. Gimme time to think dude, not everyday you go to the beach at two in the morning...

I would like to do that again sometimes. I'll talk... Instead of falling asleep...

You're not a bit picky.

You're VERY picky =)


I'm wondering...

I'm posting it up here?


This is a story, I felt like writing. The story may or may not be related to real life. ^_^

I don't know why you have a problem with lying on the beach. You could have sat down, instead of lying down. Mm... The moon likes eavesdropping, if you don't say anything, it hides itself... When you say something interesting, WOW, IT SHINES.

Confession in real life is actually harder.

I was gonna say that earlier, you know... Before... It's like you were waiting for me to say something, I almost did... ALMOST... But then... Awwww... I couldn't. And... I was pissed because of that, and I was actually worried that SHE might say it first.

I have to admit something...

I was gonna rape you on the sand.


That sounded wrong.

But then... I decided not to.

I don't rape.

I just can't think of a word. Besides rape.


If you say that you're shy... I actually don't believe you. You did more of the requesting. I guess that it's a good thing... If  I keep on being the one in front, I think it might be weird if I asked you to be my GIRLFRIEND.

Hmm... I'm okay with you being a girl...

On second thought... You don't look good in a dress... I guess... I can't imagine O_O

Oh yes... I can...


That's bad...

What are we?

What do you want us to be?

I wasn't prepared. I'm just used to saying 'I don't know' which pisses my mum off every single time...

People get annoyed with my 'I don't know's. Like mum.


I just wanted to hold your hand again.

I just wanted you to get closer.

The rocks proved one thing...

One week...

I'll be asleep during that time...

I wonder...

When I step inside that room next January, when I look at the back, when I look at my side, and you're not there. Not only you... And the others... I wonder... How empty would I feel...

It's already dark inside... It somehow got darker.

Will you go to the beach with me? Again? No disturbance this time... I don't care if you don't know what to do, cause, I'll be clueless too.

"I like you. Are you sure it's not just another crush? You're not pass that age... I'm not pass that age... Probably... A few months..."

I trust you.

But one day... I'll have to face it...

Saying is always easy, when you actually try it, it's harder.

About the future... Too far is no good, think closer...

I don't think promises are necessary, because promises are meant to be broken. But... I will say this...

Until you say those painful words, I'll always be here.

The fairy tale love story...

Fairy tales aren't all happy things. They come to an end some day too...

Hard to believe that you're gone because I just miss you so much I want to see you. I miss the warmth of your hand and I wonder if you miss my icy palm.

One week...


Thank you for reading my story. Sorry  lo, if it's too geli... I fa hiao ma... Too much movies.

Passing Out?

Passing out... No pictures, sorry.

Phew, so, it was THAT tuba player who got it wrong, and I thought WE were the ones who messed up.

Um... Other than THAT... The music stand I was using kept turning. Ahhh... And the fan wasn't even blowing that hard T^T Had to keep turning it... Puuuuuffffff~

I don't have anything much to say... Well... After the performance, at the back of the stage... We were complaining about the cake that bought, and you know what? The one who complained the most, ate the most. WHAT LA?! It wasn't me OK!!!!



Shin Yun got Barbie~

Jia Xun got boxers~

Hai Teng got a pretty flowery pink shirt~

Ah Tai... A toy bike?

No idea what Hong Leong's gift was...

Justin got a cube.

Qin Wei... Expired hair wax???



Take pictures...

Who knew, I had a rival. Pfft. She didn't stand a chance anyway~ xD

If you don't mind me saying...

I would have hit her if I heard her confess to you. But... Well... She didn't right? HAH. Knew it...

Not like I'm any bolder. hmph.

After taking pictures...



I wonder whose fault is it...

I almost broke Han Siang's car door la. Sorry a~

Went to McDonald's after that.


I didn't even finish my ice-cream! And Mr.Tan told me I ate a lot? T^T

I can guarantee you, yesterday... HE DEFIANTLY ATE MORE...

I didn't even finish my ice-cream...

I didn't even touch that Happy Meal burger...

A lot ah?


Never mind.

Was EMO-ing the whole night. After the performance.

I didn't even finish my ice-cream...

Don't know what happened.

Guess I was just too worried.



Next stop... Marina Island.



Fuck... Maxis?


If Xin Hui didn't follow us... I would still be sleeping there when you guys came.

Damn. Next time, don't be so generous, asking people who usually CAN'T come out AT ALL go out that late... Well... At least she was happy... FOR A MINUTE. The moment we stepped outta the car, her mum called.


Her mum wasn't picking up so she thought it was alright to come along.

I hate it when people do that. Not picking up, and then causes trouble for everyone...

That's just...





Talked a bit on the way back...

People can't help but smile sometimes, because, when you're too upset, there's nothing else you can do but smile...


That's enough for now.

I'll leave the EMO post for next.

Happiness never lasts 

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

I'm Sorry That I'm EMO

I just don't know what to do... So soon... If I knew that things would be THIS difficult...
It's still the same. If I didn't let it out, things would be much worse. But... I still don't know if I did the right thing by telling you how I feel. Hmm... Or should I say by letting you know who I really want...
I know... I'm actually worrying myself pointlessly. Because... I don't know... If I feel happy and NOT think, I would feel better, I would be able to talk more...
I just want to see you... You're leaving tomorrow... Then... Will I ever see you again?
I will...
Only one look...
Only one glimpse...
I'm scared... To forget...
I just want to know...
What are we?
How are things?
How are things gonna work out?
Did you get my message?
Can you hear me?
Do you even care?...
I've always been like this... I doubt myself way too much. But you always make me feel better...
Haaaa... I don't know...
Please don't...
I'm sorry for being too annoying, I'm very sorry to everybody... I rely on people too much when I'm hopeless...
Why do you make me cry so much?
You make me happy.

Sunday, 19 December 2010

uuuuuiiii... Bored?


Impatiently bored.

Bored and impatient.

Sleepily boredly impatient.

Yeah... I don't know what to do... Nobody's on Facebook... I'm lazy... Maybe I should continue playing Mizuki's route for Edelweiss... Or maybe... Just watch some BL. No... That wont work... What if my grandma sees me? Or my sisters... I don't have to worry about Dennis. He runs aways every time yelling that there's something seriously wrong with me... Besides, he's not home~


Love me yet?



I'll wait.

I can wait.

I'm a girl. I don't have balls. Use a better sentence =_=

I'm sorry if he can't face her... I don't have balls... So, I can't give him half.


Let's go out again.

Walk with me.

Talk with me.

I'm bored. I miss you.


It's okay right...? To miss you?

Don't know if I'm going to KL for Christmas. That woman...


And we were like "NO WAAAAY! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! But... How we gonna go?" =_=

" I'll drive."

"You drive? No kidding?"

"But... I'm scared."


"But... I don't know how to use it..."

"WHAT THE HECK... ARGH! Then why the hell do you own a car anyway?!"

"Get a taxi. You three go. Rachel, come back on 28th. You two can stay longer."

"WTF... DRIVE... Cause... I'm scared to sit the taxi..."

"But...But... But..."

"Just drive. Just... Drive... I give up... Let's just NOT go to Karen's house..."

Mom- ^_^

Me, Lisa, Sarah- =_= + >=(

Dad on chat- ...

I wanna go to Toys R Us. I don't care if I'm 14. I love toys. Lucky kids... Toys are getting so expensive these days... I have to buy my own stuffed animals T^T

Animal Alley~

I'll drop by the XL-Shop and look at figurines~ I want Sebastian 0x0 And Ciel ^_^

Went shopping???? With Zn today. Although... I didn't buy anything... I just went with her... I didn't look at much, wasn't interested. Was more interested in my messaging, waiting for someone that ISN'T my mom to show up on my screen~

Sadly... It's expensive...



I'll manage. Somehow. I always do. I just need to behave... And be patient...


People complain that my blog posts are too long.




Good Night.

I'm not sleeping.

I'll roll around the floor until somebody finds me.

Or I'll roll around until I get tired and sleep.


Need blood.

Monthly stab in the tummy.



Flower Heart?

Flower heart.

I never thought about it.

I never knew what it really meant? And I still don't know what it means.

Yes. I am an idiot.

But don't worry though, he's my last.

I know I say that every time... But... Gimme a break will ya? I never knew anyone that I could talk to like this...

Even if I really NEED a screen in between... And can't really do everything I do with girls. Don't get any wrong ideas yet.

I'm not lesbian.

I'm just curious.

Well... You know... We seem so soft... And... Fluffy... I... Uhh...

This is where the last of my lines come in...

I kissed a girl and I liked it, and we... Too bad it was a dream...


Don't worry... I don't like girls... I can touch myself~


Sorry bout that =_=

I was... Uhh... A bit... Caught up... In that...

Remember the dream that I told you guys... The one with Lady Gaga... Naked... And... Uhhh... Then I woke up????



You probably think I'm sick by now.

I thought it was normal to fantasize/dream about famous people naked? Especially the ones which are rumored to be a guy but is a girl???? =_=



Sorry Stephy.

For the... Um... Above...

I think I'm the only one who does that.

Kill me now.

If there's nothing worth moving on to, I wouldn't. If there's nothing making me love, I won't.

You know... I always thought that you should fall in love with a stranger instead of a friend... Cause... Well... I don't really know why... But... I guess I was wrong... I was so fucking wrong that I wasted a whole year on a dude who doesn't even care about ANYTHING, a dude I don't even know, just because he's cute, I shouldn't say that I love him.

I get it now.

I was wrong.

Would you be able to accept a person who swears as much as me...?

I'm not sorry that I swear a lot though. At least I just mouth the words in public. Like just now... Don't know if you noticed what I said... Hmm...

In this world that is full of pretend, be the real thing.

I'm not sorry for being real. This is just how I am.

Yeah... I admit Stephy...

I do change quickly. If I realize my feelings.

I believe that you saw... Last year... That black book, I used color pencils =_=

It was because he's reliable, and that... You know... At one point... He became your husband.




It was because for some reason... I thought that friends shouldn't fall for each other? What the hell right... I don't even know where I got that idea... When I think about it now... OMG... I feel so old... I was so young back then... AHH... Hell... Only one year passed.

Just like that, this year passed.

You know how when you wish time would pass faster,and it actually passes SLOWER than usual?

But now...

I want time to move SLOWLY... But then... What the... One hour... Two hours... Three hours... They passed. Just like that. And... Another day is over.

The past... Wow... It's like... Ten years passed...

I feel so old...


Many things can happen in a year...

I wonder... What will 2011 be like?

2012 isn't the end of the world... It's a start for people?

I wonder... Even in this little Sitiawan, people don't walk... And when you walk, they stare at you from their bikes/cars like they pity you that you have to walk... It's not that bad. No wonder all Sitiawan people are fat.
I'm from Sitiawan, don't worry, I'm included.

Every time I walk... What the heck... I'm the only person.

It's not


I'm not even THAT to begin with, and besides, my mum's fine with me walking, and so is my dad. Only my grandma objects. SO... Whatever... Walking is a good thing. You save the world from carbon dioxide. My daily health goal is 10 thousand steps. But... Most I've walked is 8 thousand plus. I will be waiting to reach 10  thousand tomorrow... Wait for me... Zongxu...

Since everyone already knows... What the hell... But I prefer those who know not to tell. I don't like being asked how and why and all that crap. What good will be there if you know? I must admit... It is fun to listen sometimes... Now I know why she HATES talking about it so much...

God damned mosquitoes.


Were they experiment FAIL and you forgot to kill them?



You know...

I never realized how fair he was... =_=

Did you shave? O_O


I still don't know what we are, cause... It's just... Go with the flo~




I don't know if having a 4 year old pulling up his PJs and kissing the glass and showing you his middle finger is the ideal date... But... Seriously... I feel like swearing so much right now... That sunnuvabitch.

Oh God...

I hope the staff working at McDonald's know how to CLEAN. Cause... They're gonna need to seriously WIPE that glass...


My mum already knows. She's worse than a sister... Well... I don't know what she saw, she treated my phone like it was HERS, shielding me from looking at the things she's looking at =_= But... Well... She didn't see THAT much cause she keeps pressing the wrong buttons xD


She just asked me, pointing my phone at me like she was gonna kill me...

Who is it...

Then... It's done~

She continues her entertainment- Reading my messages =_=

Well... Whatever...

Lunch? I don't think that will be possible.

Dinner? I don't think that's possible either.

You're right.

Let's just have laptops in front of us.

I'll sleep for now...

Please no lesbian dreams again...

Friday, 17 December 2010

Believe Once In A While?

Believing... Gives you hope? Then... When there's hope, you tell yourself that you'll do it, and suddenly, you feel crazy and nothing in the world can change your mind about doing that one thing.

Glad nothing changed my mind this time... Well... If anything changed my mind, I would still be depressed.


Who knew that love could make me happy.

I'm starting to wonder... Why are the apps on Facebook so scarily accurate? And right.

Like the Fortune Cookie...



I'm so happy.

Distance is not an obstacle for your love, seek other ways.

Yes. I can do it. Besides, how far can it be? If you're going to some far away country... There's always Facebook?

I'm just being like a little girl now. But, let me be a little girl, and fill myself with hope. Let me be happy.

Nothing is said yet.

I have to admit one thing though, I'm so greedy that I want us to be both.

You have no idea how many times I looked at you dude :x


Do you mean that I'm cool cause I can survive 3 days without food, and use my fat? And finally become slim??

No way~

Unless I get stranded on an island, I have to eat, cause... If I don't eat... Then when I finally eat something... I would feel sick.

Save myself some trouble by eating.

I'm sleepy.

I don't even feel like changing anymore...

The weather's nice... I don't care about the lights...


Nah... Someone will turn them off when they see me sleeping.

I'm saying good night...

At 9pm.

Miracles do happen.

Just when I thought I could finally hug you, you ran away.

Can't open my eyes...


I wonder how many people know... 


Fat people can last three days without food. We use our fats. Cool.

Don't feel like eating lately? But then again... I'm hungry... I'll go have some tea...

I'm back~

Sowwwiiieeee >_<

If I was hyperactive... Uhh... About 4 or 5 hours ago.

What? I was happy. I thought happy people are always hyperactive? But... I can't compare to my sisters though, they scream and shout and then throw pillows at each other until one gets pissed, gets serious and... You'll know... If you meet those crazy little girls... One looks stupid, one looks like a dangerous hiao po...


Oh... I don't think my bro is ever hyperactive though... Maybe...

I think when he's hyperactive, he puts on a gay show. And then... Tickles you until you eventually can't take it anymore and punch him.

Me? Well... I tend to talk a lot... More like... TYPE a lot...

That it sometimes scare people O_O

Been a long time since I typed so happily.

Other times... I would just join my sisters and throw pillows at each other until my mum gets mad and kills us~

Peace fullness... Doesn't last... The next minute... We'd be playing again =D

I wonder... Is a few years that big an age gap?


Some people don't even CARE about their brothers and sisters. Cause one is 15 and one is 10??? How can that be... Nothing in common? Well, I admit, I am childish, but... I treat my sisters like they're the same as everyone else, even if my mom is old, I treat her the same. Sei 3 8.

I don't get people who says that they have nothing in common with their younger brother/sister.


Or is it normal??? People don't talk to each other anymore???


I should be asleeeeeeeeeep~



Neko. Neko. Neko.

My dogs, they don't love cats. They don't dislike them. They just... Kill them...

They kill birds too. And the best part? The tiniest of them all... IS THE KILLER... =_=

Dammit... Angel... She looks like an angel, but she certainly doesn't act like one!

What am I doing now??









Don't know what to do.

Don't feel like sleeping either.

Set my alarm to 9 I think.

Ufff... Tuition... If that girl doesn't show up again tomorrow... God... I will sleep on the floor in font of your giant portrait and wake up when it's time to go.

Go where?

No where.

Note to self: Put Nike on the shelf where puppies can't reach.

I named my slippers...


Well... Only one side got chosen as a chew toy.

I wonder if I could only buy ONE side...

It was so squishy... Puppies sure know how to choose slippers.

They choose expensive, and chewy ones...



I'm so heartbroken.


It's like... It's just been save from a shredding machine... Three puppies... One slipper... Ouch. You can smell the rubber T^T





They were pink... and they were squishy... And soft... And they were cute... SEE?


Slipper-chan... Toshite... T^T

I guess I'll wear the brown flat-flat. If that ends up as a chew toy too... I will not wear any slippers to my grandparents' place anymore. Damn. One side feels fine, the other side feels ticklish cause of the bite marks everywhere and some rubber flying up here and there...



You guys are just so cute >_<

If I don't get my revenge now... When you grow up... You'd be bigger than me O_O


Since you guys are puppies.

Chew on a stick please.

That's about it.

If hyperactiveness scares you, then, would you prefer me being emotionless?

Sukidayo~ ^^

Thursday, 16 December 2010


Do you sometimes wish that you don't exist? Or that you wish that you could be someone else?

Yes. I'm pissed because the puppies used my slipper as their chew toy. Puppies have taste in slippers, they like Nike.


If only I don't exist... I wonder... Can I just live like this, and not being noticed by anyone, standing by the side watching people's everyday life.

Somehow... Is there another world? Besides this? Is the past... Still like the past... Is multiple things happening to our other bodies... Maybe... Our past lives... ? Future...

I can't help but feel that this is all planned... Like a VN... You make choices... The choices you make decides to outcome of the story... What happens, and how it ends... One wrong choice, and that's it... You die.

Somehow, I get what was said. But... I'm not sure. Either way. It's like nothing ever happened... Is that what was wanted... I wonder... Who knows...

Everyone has their own understandings. I have mine, you have yours, even if we don't know if they really relate.


Isn't it just the same as running away.

I guess everyone runs away.

What's more important... For now... The only thing I can think of, the only thing I want, the only thing that can make me smile no matter how beat I am...

Is you...

The only thing that makes me wake up early in the morning, the only thing making me anxious, the only thing making me happy...

Is you...

The only thing making me sleepless, the only thing making me cry, the only thing making me sad, the only thing occupying me...

Is you...

What's more important... Something I have to figure out on my own...

So if I'm that worthless, then I have to say, the most important thing to me now, is you.

Seriously, I think I would make a good boyfriend, I wonder... I can be a good boyfriend... But... Can I be a good girlfriend?

Who knows...

Maybe I'm better suited to be a lesbian.

I don't particularly care about gender anyway.

A book

A chapter.

A page.

Not a chapter, but a page.

That's really sad.

Pages gets torn out, soon, a whole chapter is gone... Slowly, page by page, chapter by chapter... They fall like the autumn leaves, the wind blows them away... All is lost, nothing is left, life goes on, new leaves grow.

I mean so little, like the caterpillar to the leaf.

You mean so much, like the leaf to the caterpillar.


Run away...

I wish I made the right choice.

By running, I've saved myself, but by running too... I killed myself.

No matter how it is...

It's always the same...

If things were somehow different, if this doesn't mean good-bye... Do you think that it can be possible? Would you accept?

As many times as I blink... I'll think of you tonight...

If  only 'if' really exists. Then, the world would be perfect.

Perfection is a curse. It can never be accomplished.

Sometimes, curse the author, don't thank the author.

If it made you happy, curse the author.

If it made you unbearable, curse the author.


We can create, then, there will be another thing that exists.


Burn everything until they turn to ashes, scatter the ashes all around you, let it go with the wind, another thing dies, and it's existence dies along with it.

If only we were able to make our memories in our mind, and our book linked.

Then, wouldn't forgetting be easy?

Just tear it out...

Burn it...

Then, it's like nothing ever happened...

Falling in love with a friend, will always be better than falling in love with a stranger.

But for now... No matter how much I want to. I can't be more than a friend, now, can I? I can't make every decision on my own.

  • Unlike a VN, there isn't a walkthrough for life. There's only advice.

If I am so worthless, then tell me. Because, you know... I'm me, and nothing will change that, I can take it.

But, I am selfish.

I will chase it...

I will chase you.

The remaining days, even if nothing is possible, I want to clear it. I want to know everything. And... Is it's possible, then, why not?

I'd walk a million miles... Let's just say... I'd ride a million miles.

It doesn't matter.

If my brother can do it, then so can I.

I'm not afraid.

I'm just... Worrying... What if it's not what you want...

Ah... Fine.

I made up my mind.

You said figure it out myself.

You are important.

You are important to me.


Just tell me off, or I will not give up.

I don't care how much it will hurt.

I wont give up unless you just give it to me straight.

I've tried it.

It doesn't hurt so bad.

You can only hear the sounds of arrows piercing your heart, and it breaking.

I don't know, because, you can be a bitch sometimes, so, I'll prepare.

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

I'm Scared

I'm scared...

No... It's not about ghosts... OR... Roaches...

I appreciate you being able to help me, and talk to me when I'm so nervous I have to bite my shirt. But... Well... It's different from your case... I mean... It's TOTALLY different... I'm not you. LOL. And... She isn't going anywhere... Is she?

You think I don't wanna try...?

Heck. I wanna give it my best... But... WHY THE HELL NOW?!

Well... If I gave my life more attention instead of going on AnimeCrazy/GoGoAnime/AnimeSeason/MangaFox/MangaReader 24/7, I think things wouldn't be all THIS bad... I would've realized it sooner... AND I'D ACTUALLY BE HAPPIER.

Yep. It's all my fault.

Try it...

Try it...

Try it...


Dude... It's not that I don't want to. Believe me... I really wanna try, but... I can't make decisions for EVERYTHING... Or EVERYONE... Damn... This is hard.

Yeah. I'm just scared.

Cause, well...

It's too selfish.


I'm scared.

It's tipping of the edge anyway... If there's a slight push... It'll fall... And... It'll all be over...


 I still have no idea what's holding it there... But I am certain, it ain't gravity. I don't care what you say, GRAVITY DOESN'T APPLY TO THAT!

It's not like I want it to fall... But, if I say I don't want it to die... Wouldn't that just be selfish?

It's complicated.

I want what's best for everyone. So, I don't mind myself getting hurt... Or anything like that... If I have to choose between myself, and ALL the people I care about, then... I guess I can take a bullet or two.


I know it's a selfish request...


Are you willing to? 

Tell Me...

I see...

But please... Tell me...

Like I've said before... If it was any other person, I would have told you... The point of guessing... I didn't want you to know...

You are an idiot.

How much longer will you be here?

Just tell me... Two weeks?

No. It's not wrong to love. It's wrong because it's you.

It took me long enough to realize. There's too little time left. So like I said... I'd rather keep everything to myself... Then slowly... Kill it... 

We would be happy. Like nothing happened. If that game never started. 

Well... I didn't know you would guess yourself...

I should have lied.

I should have said that it was someone else.

Everything would be fine... Just like that...

If lying is for a good reason, I'd do it gladly... But... 

I didn't lie.

I couldn't.


Even if I didn't want you to know... There's a part of me that wished you would know...

This may be selfish...

This is selfish.

Tell me now...


You already know... 

I love you. 



Blabbering Away~




Annoying Orange =)

I just love that dude, even if he's annoying. LOL. He's cute la. Nyahahahahahahaha. Join the Annoying Orange page on Facebook ^_^ or watch it on Youtube~

Annoying Orange on Facebook

Annoying Orange on Youtube

You guys don't know who he is?? Aww... Come on... I think you guys know???

That cute little orange you would just love to kill... Everyone knows him =D

New episodes are out EVERY week. I just forgot what day. LOL. I think it's a Friday... But then again... It could be Tuesday??? Or was it Thursday... Monday maybe??? Wednesday???

Sorry... I forgot >_<

Episodes are out every week, there, I just know that.

Some things... We're better off not knowing.

But... Well... Annoying Orange... Uhhh... I guess it's not too bad?

Once you know something... Like when's the next episode/season/chapter/volume is gonna be released, you can't wait... And you think ALL about it until it's released... Then the next... Next next next... Until it ends.

Uff... Stupid Windows Live 2011... It's not pretty! ARGH! Shouldn't have updated that damn thing, it's laggy too... And it's NOT PRETTY! Dammit... It's true when they say that NEW DOESN'T MEAN THAT IT'S BETTER.

Ah damn... So many mails... DELETE...

Be right back...


Man... Subscribing to newsletters is bad... They flood you inbox, and... Why does Facebook do that? Wow... I almost die checking... I just check for family mails anyway... The rest... DELETE...

I don't know what I'm hoping for...

I know that it's wrong of me to hope for something like that... But... Why were you so curious? That wasn't the answer you wanted... Was it?

I don't know what to say... All I can say is... I'm sorry... Why... I'm sorry... I can't say anything else... Why...

I don't know how to explain. I can't say anything else. I don't know what you mean because I don't even know what I mean.

I don't think I can be truthful.

But thank you.

I think I know what to do now...

Although... I still need to bite something every time, or... Find some people to talk about happy things.


I'm still as blur as ever.

I'll try... I guess...

Let's just say I'm happy...

Tuesday, 14 December 2010


Sore demo ii... Orewa daijobun... Demo... Komenasai... Tanjoubi anata... Komenasai!!! Hontoni komen! >_<

I don't know what else to say. No, I seriously DON'T KNOW WHAT to say...

I'm so cold... I'm really cold... I'm shivering... And the AC isn't even on... BRRRR... What happened? Certainly not because of Coke... I haven't had Coke in a long time ^_^


Once you think about something, you get worried and decide NOT to do it... But you know what? Just go for it... Like me... I said that I would be giving manga reading a rest... Well... When I actually read page one... I can't stop until I finish it. And about NOT watching BL anymore... Screw that too... Without it, I'd be tearless already. Ish. Love is a cruel thing, so... Watching homos feels good. Cause... Duuuuhhh... They're homos, you can't get jealous... Although... I do most of the time...

May I ask? How do you think I feel now?

Happy right!!!

Can you see through my words though... Am I happy?

Who knows...


The anime that I've download/watched... 97% of them are BL. On my computer, only 3 are those action/horror/boy-girl-romance... The rest... Yaoi~


At least it's better than taking drugs right?

I wonder when will the 3rd OVA for Koisuru Boukun be released~ Ah... Thank you Shin Yi for all the wonderful BL~ I was almost outta BL to watch. You saved me??? =D

What is it that I'm doing? I know damn well why I'm shivering. I always shiver when I'm holding something back. Just gotta get used to it I guess...

I turn my head to the East, I don't see nobody by my side.
I turn my head to the West, nobody in sight.
So I turn my head to the North, swallow that pill that they call pride...
The old me's dead and gone... But the new me's gonna be alright...

Ohh... I've been traveling on this road too long,
Just tryna find my way back home...
The old me's dead and gone...

Guess everyone knows that song... I just kinda miss it... Reminds me of something...

Where will all the heartbrokenness go now.

Why do my eyes open so big and allow me to smile when I feel so much like doing the opposite.

Why is it that I wont allow myself to write what I really feel...

Why am I still smiling when I'm dying inside...

My head feels so heavy...

I just keep smiling... But... I'm sad...

Why wont I admit that I'm sad... Why do I continue to smile even when I'm alone with myself...



I don't know which is it...

I did say... Don't blame me for being selfish... That's why... I... But in the end... It was... It was actually worse than I had expected... If it was another person... I would have just told you straight... I didn't want you to know cause... Isn't it the best...?

Tell me...

Wouldn't you like to live like a kid... Being happy and all that...

They can be happy, because they don't know anything yet... And so... By not knowing anything... It would be just another boring day for me... Another year for you... We'd all be happy. I'd rather keep that to myself and  kill it slowly... But then... I just couldn't do it... I should have never said anything... I am sorry... For being so selfish... Then I guess you wont be needing the so-called present anymore...


Even if it wasn't you...


Although that pretty much did the worst.

I will kill him...


He died when he was 30.
I never met him.
He was killed.
They were jealous.
They accused him of being a spy.
They dug a hole,
Threw him down,
Smashed him with rocks...
Until he died and nothing was left.
It took the others three days to find his remains...


Luckily, I'm not worth it.

Being a nobody does have some advantages...

I will return to the shadows where I was first born...

Disaster... Not... Miracle...