Monday, 26 April 2010


Sweet, chocolaty... Nutty... Nuts... Hazel nuts... Almonds...


Let everybody's present be chocolates this year. If I hate you, you wont get anything, if you're my friend, you get a bar, if I love you, you get a box. And we all know who's gonna get the box... Obviously.

No? I'll give you a hint...

Nah... Maybe not... Obvious answer, let me see. The birthday two days before mine.



I just feel like giving everybody chocolate. I love nuts. Especially Hazels... And Almonds...

If you would want to receive a box from ME, when's your birthday? If it's over, I'm sorry, maybe Christmas...

Hm, I'm almost broke, and I want a new phone... And I have to use my own money to do stuff now... I... I forgot what I was gonna say.

I love myself.


Sunday, 25 April 2010

Ice Kacang Puppy Love

Nice movie, but... Not so nice ending.

Gotta have courage when it comes to love? Pass... I don't have courage.

As usual, my mum cried again. She does that EVERY TIME!

Ice Kacang... Ice Kacang... Ice Kacang... Suddenly, I feel like eating it. Where can I find one in the middle of the night? Any place that sells nice Ice Kacang? Or anything else that's good? Suggest please.

I'm no good at art, if I am, my collections will be drawings instead of words...


Nothing much, my maid slipped this morning, she's in the hospital. I'm sick and tired of all the people around me getting hurt. And Lolli keeps cursing herself that she's the next one. I hope not, for her sake.


I still hate the ending.




No, nobody died. In the end, nobody got who they loved, BUT, they did have a good life. I mean, the guy already has a girlfriend, but he still thinks of her. And the worse part? She was behind him the whole time... UGH... Damn endings...


If I have somebody that I love, I would... Nah, I don't know what I'd do.

If I have somebody that I like, I would... I don't know what I'd do either.

I know what I wont do.

I wont love him

I wont like him

I wont hate him

Sounds dumb, I know. But hey, I'm me. I'm naturally dumb, that's why I'm special, you don't see dumb people who are smart everyday, now do you?

I don't know, I still don't know...

I'm not moving on when I should be. I'm stuck, pull me out! SOMEBODY! HELP! But wait, there's nobody out there... My cry for help, unheard, my stuck self, unseen... Please... I just want to hug somebody I can never EVER hug. I'm sorry, he's still in my mind. When I said that I have moved on, I don't know... I wasn't lying... But, I think of him... I'm sorry.

  • Red.

Ah... WTF? Again?

EGuess where I just came back from? Yes, the hospital. AGAIN! This time, it was my uncle and aunt. They're fine, no need to worry, no broken bones or anything.

Why do people keep getting themselves into accidents? We met my bro's three friends in the emergency room. One was in bad condition. He had his upper stitched back, it kinda fell... That's what his mum told my mum anyway.

And you know what's funnier?

A 16 year old Indian fella was like half dead cause he drank too much. Why? His girlfriend didn't want him anymore. This, another Indian guy told us. What a dumb guy. He almost died because his girlfriend ran away? AH! COME ON!

I spent so long at the hospital... I didn't even know what I was doing. Hm... About... 2 hours plus.

People around me gets hurt all the time! I just wonder, who will the next one be? And who will die next month? Damned fate. If they didn't go for supper, none of this would've happened. But, whatever, since it already happened... Then... It happened.

I don't know, I still haven't forgotten the way my uncle treated me when I was in kindergarten. He would buy candy and crackers for me all the time. He treats me so well. I... I don't know how I can repay him, he's so kind. I just don't know, I mean, when I see him lying there... I don't know what to say... Just want him to know that I haven't forgotten his kindness.

Hm. What happened at the hospital? Long story.

But, to cut a long story short, let's just say that my aunt was like a drunk. She blabbers non stop and everyone happens to laugh. Even the doctor. And the Navy people who knocked them down...

Very long story. She keeps going on about what went wrong... Blah blah blah... How it happened... OMG...

Right, I'm sleepy. More details will be in my book.


I'm gonna go watch Nightmare On Elm Street when it comes out. Anyone wants to come? Maybe my mum will watch too... I don't know...

I miss somebody, but I can't think of who I'm missing. I don't know who I'm missing. I just miss someone. I don't know. Feels weird, it's like I'm missing a thing... A thing I just couldn't let go of...

  • Peace.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

OMG, really long post about EVERYTHING

Just looking... Checking... Ya, Kiko died on June 25th last year, gonna have a lilo' party for the cute baby this year. June 25th, his 1 year death anniversary. My dogs and my sister's hamster will be celebrating too, yea, probably just the five of us... Bruno, Angel, Max and Fufu and me.

Today was rather... Usual. But I was unusually gloomy today, maybe there's something to do with the weather? Today IS dark... If felt like hours when it was only like what? 45 minutes? Damn, I just hate tight spaces, why? I get knocked even more. As if I'm not stepped on and knocked enough in wider spaces. Why do the spaces have to be so damn close? Eh! I'm no slim pig! Pigs can't be slim even if they wanted to!

I just HATE seeing his face. That's why I look at the ground more, and thank God he's taller, I could stare straight without having to see his face. Don't get any wrong ideas here, there are many many many tall people in the world. Just a little tip, he's 14 too. Yea, obviously, it's him. Not a word, I prefer not to murder him in the field with my paper knife, that would make me look bad.




I have no fucking idea why. And yes, I haven't used 'fuck' for a while... I try to be as polite as possible when I'm... Thinking...

I just... I don't know. I never wanted anything for myself, and whenever I have my shot at doing something, I get afraid and I'd let somebody else take my chance. I never wanted anything, I never wanted this, but since I was so damn stupid... I actually WANT this now... I don't know. I have nobody to blame but myself, if I had said no, I wont have my problems now... Well, if I said no then, I'll have even bigger problems, I'll be throwing flags around and when I miss, I get the blame... AGAIN... So I guess this is an EASIER choice. I don't wanna toot my own horn, but, I'm pretty good, I got both things I don't want and I'm proud of myself for who I am, even if I will probably live until the end PMR cause if I don't get As for my Math and Science... Hallelujah... My grandpa will be killing me...

I hope he was drunk when he told me that... Oh... He kept repeating ''I better kill you if you don't''... Gosh... It sucks when your grandparents are all retired teachers, and you know what's worse? My grandpa used to be the head discipline in Nan Hwa while my uncle was like what? The... I don't know which principal of Nan Hwa. They expect you to be smart, just because they are!

And my mum? Ex piano teacher. They all like teaching people... What is their problem? I suck at playing Sonatinas... And she is like... UFF! Every time I get something wrong... She'll start... No, no, not like that, like this. Then she starts showing off. Ya,ya, big deal, I can play other pieces...

I don't know how I got the whole topic changed... I get carried away sometimes... When I talk, write... Blah...


That long and you guys still wont forget about that? COME ON! HE isn't my first crush OK? The whole thing was... Blah... Long story, don't wanna know. Still... My mistake for doing what I did. Ugh! I'm such a bitch!


I have nothing more to say, nothing is ever too late right? Just... I don't want to. Not now anyway. I had enough last year, I just want this year to be more quiet.

I know, I've changed a freaking lot, I'm colder now, aren't I? I'm more heartless than I was before, admit it, I've set you guys off a lot of times. I'm just me, like I said, I'm a bitch. At least I admit this to myself, this way, they will have nothing to say...

I'm not gonna say sorry for who I am though, I'm just gonna say sorry to those I've hurt a lot... And trust me, A LOT... And to some, I just want to be alone, I cleared everything, although I may dream of being together with someone, I just don't have time for anything or anyone. I love my work more. I love my friends more. I love my family more. And a thank you to someone who may not know I'm thanking him, and we're not close, and we don't really talk, his advice in the past helped me a lot, past and present.

I just want to be alone.

Straw, I'm sorry, I just realized, I'm treating you like you're invisible, I didn't really talk to you. I just... Don't like talking about relationships anymore, I'm done. I don't like talking about people I like, people I hate... Relationships... Love... I'm sorry, I just can't be like I use to.

Orange, I know, you think that I hate you, but I don't. I don't hate the... Few of you. I just sometimes, you know, have mood issues.

Lolli, you're the one who understands most, you understand even when I make no sense at all. Just well, to tell you guys the truth... I prefer treating you guys like normal. Just well, I don't like treating people special. Even my guy, I hate treating people differently. I am ME.

That's all I guess, I need to apologize don't I? If I don't... I'll just end up alone again. And they are the bestest, and ya, Yellow Old Cow too. They've been the bestest when even the close people during primary changed and forgot about us...

Well... I... Seriously need to SHUT UP!

This is a long thing... I'm sure nobody's reading.

Well, okay then...

I'll Shut Up Now.

Monday, 19 April 2010

The World According To Me

Peace, Love, Happiness

The world is a place where everything is possible. The world WAS a safe place and because of the people now, the world is unsafe. The world is still a happy place, but with growing problems.

Don't you just wish that you could be 3 again? No problems, no nothing, just playing in the mud and pulling earthworms every rainy day, running around the park every sunny day? Being naive and thinking that the world around you is always rainbows and butterflies? Those were the times when you didn't know anything, and just lived life as it is. No thinking, no stress... 3 year-olds don't get stressed.

Hm. Now... You know stuff, you will never see the world like you use to. To me, the world is just a giant ball with good and evil on it. And then one day, we all die. Everybody's gotta die someday.

The world was never like this to me, and believe me, I saw the world... When I was little, I would go with daddy to work, mostly a month or two. All I ever thought of the world was fun, fun and fun. I use to love the attention, but now, I hate attention. I use to love making friends, but now, I just want to stay away from everyone.

All this change is because of people, and what I've gone through over the years. I still enjoy the NATURAL beauty of the world, If only we were all trees and the world was human-less...


The place I'd rather be right now? Out at sea. Been years since I last went on board. Damn company policies. What I'd be doing now if I were? Standing outside and looking at nothing but the darkness and enjoying the night breeze, and of course, with a cup of coffee and writing something. You know what would be better? If it were snowing...

Mm. Miss those days. Damn company policies... I wont burn the microwave again... Besides... It was my brother... I think...


Bottom line, the world ain't half bad, I just hate the people living on it, including me.

Saturday, 17 April 2010

Dum Dum Dum Dum De Dum De Dom

I'm so so so SO bored!

Missed practice today cause my momma went to camp, yes, CAMP. I was suppose to go too, but nah, I was L-A-Z-Y. Watched TV all day... And yea, in between, I used the com. I can never be satisfied with my Blogger template, I wonder why... I wonder why... I am one weird dumb-dumb.

Right, never cross the line...

So, um... I guess I have to say sorry then huh? Again... To... Lolli...

Sorry, I went through your personal stuff... AGAIN... You actually let me this time, but still, sorry. And I know I shouldn't have laughed like a nut case when I saw what I wanted to see, but... I can't help myself... I didn't think he'd use... 'Dar-Dar' language... Well, nothing much from you. Yea... Sorry... Lolli...


I missed a lot today, didn't I?

I'm so gullible... I believe EVERYTHING they say! I mean... COME ON! I'm not getting anything good, AM I? Dammit guys... Why'd you have to pull HER along? Could've picked someone else other than her or me...

Hmm... I'm gonna put a picture of me my bro snapped while I was having a mouthful at KFC... Two days ago... With my uncle and grandma and my sisters...

This is kinda embarrassing... But... I look funny... I make myself laugh... Wahaha

Look at me... Poor little mouth... I tortured it... Good thing... I don't have a boyfriend, and if he offers me dinner, I'll say no, especially when he's gonna take me to KFC...



Well... That was the FIRST EVER pic of myself I have ever posted... well I'm at it, might as well post the picture of my bro's hand with metal sticking out of it...

Here we go...

What about that? Hm... Reminds me of Frankenstein...

And another picture...

Too bad that wasn't mine... Dad didn't even bring me... He brought her... Damn... Don't try, this is in Singapore... Or if you guys want, find the nearest restaurant... And um... If anyone's going... Call me. You guys know my number...


I think I'm hungry... Well, I'm going to have tea again... So, Cheerio.

This has been another dumb post by MemeMeRachel, thank you for reading.

Rachel's Creation 2010


Nothing much, just came out of the shower, still stuffed, you guys DO NOT want to know what I ate, might shock you. Gonna have tea later. Yes, tea...

Nan Hwa Idol... Wee... She won, clap, clap... I actually wanted Lianne to win. She didn't even get into the final 5? WTF? I cheered... My voice broke, yay me.

Nothing much.

I'm not going to practice tomorrow, reason? Please read below:

1. My mum's going to camp, she's leaving first thing in the morning, so she wont be home.
2. SOMEBODY doesn't like me to go very much. Dumb idiot.
3. I'm sick and tired of my shoe getting stepped on PURPOSE.
4. SOMEBODY wants me out of the picture.
5. I hate that SOMEBODY too.

Yea, my reasons, reasonable enough? I think so. And besides, if anyone wants, they can drive all the way here to my house and pick me up. Just remember, turn left at the traffic light on the way to McDonald's, turn to the road beside the police station, go straight until the end of the long long road until you see a dumb Malay school, turn left again and turn into the second street, drive along until you reach number 16. Just one more thing, don't turn in circles, the place where I'm living, we're the only Chinese family. Dogs kinda stand out too, in a Malay living place.

Yea, nobody wants to pick me up, I know.

I'll be alone at home, with my sisters and the maid, and my dogs.

Everybody is welcomed to visit, except a few of course, especially that SOMEBODY, if he ever comes near my house, I'd let my dogs on him. Don't care if they bring me his head.

Do I look like the Red Queen? Bloody Big Head...

I just have big hair.

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Being Human

Just got back from the movies... Again. Watched Jack Neo's Being Human. Like all of his movies, values are learned.

Don't be a cheater, a dirty cheapskate, a self-centered money loving son of a bitch who ain't patient.

Care about others and take responsibilities for what you've done and not run away like it's not your fault.

I guess the movie was okay, quite boring. I just can't stand how people cheat people! Business... I am not going to open my own company... Especially a slimming company...

This movie... Taught me not to eat that much... Every dish one plate... Lamb chop, pork chop, steak... Chicken chop... I don't wanna be jumbo.

How good a wife can be, how... money face a husband can be.

I hope I don't get THAT type of guy next time, I'd probably hang myself if I did.


Safest way still... Don't get married.

I'm free from myself again. I don't like anyone anymore. Although... I still imagine... But, I'm always out of the picture, somehow, it's like picturing people with an invisible girlfriend... And when I say invisible, it's like picturing a mental patient treating his own imagination sweet. And yes... Very VERY sweet...

Not talking about that anymore...

Maybe another Good-Night Thingy?

Milk... Milk... Milk...
Send me some in a bottle or cup,
Send you my dreams and my imaginations too,
Hope you receive my imaginations and dreams,
Good night I say to my cup of Milk.

Zebra... Zebra... Zebra...
Saw you go from the corner of my eye,
The last chance I had, I did not see you,
Maybe I regret and maybe I don't,
Good night I say to my long lost Zebra.

Bread... Bread... Bread...
Looking and looking at your brown baked skin,
Wondering and thinking what I feel,
I say nothing but I know better,
Good night I say to a brown baked bread.

Strawberry... Orange... Lollipop...
Pink and red of berry colours but inside holds a different colour,
Orange and yellow of citrus colours, inside is the same but so very different,
Colourful and sweet of all different colours, you are different and you are unique,
Good night I say to my favorite dears.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Another Usual Tuesday

Tuesday. Nothing much. Just the usual routine... Wake up, wash up, tuition, breakfast, piano, bath, lunch, school, band, bath, dinner, TV... End of day.

Flipped through old photo albums. He is one lucky menace... Canada? Disney World? Dammit!

Same Tuesday, and tomorrow's Wednesday... All the same... My life and the life of a working dude, where's the difference? Besides that he gets paid and I don't, and I'm younger and living with my parents... You get the idea!




I'm feeling stupider and stupider, I just don't wanna imagine that there COULD be chance... I don't want that chance. No, I DON'T. Well... Maybe just the hair... If he would spend half an hour in front of the mirror... Then... WHOA... Not thinking about le' chance...

Guai Lan #1
Guai Lan #2
Guai Lan #3

Zhi Ngor


No,no,no. I don't like him... At least I'm telling myself that I don't. Yea, I don't. Truth be told, looks matter after all... They do... A little bit...

I'm not... I wont... I couldn't... Betray myself... AGAIN... Thank God I never swore to myself, PHEW.

I don't know, time will tell I guess... Until I find my answer... I DON'T LIKE HIM!

When I do get my answer... I'll call... No need to worry...


Why they'd have to show Desperate Housewives this late?

Another Good Night Thingy~

Sitting on the roof and looking at the night sky, stars really shine so bright,
Holding on my teddy and wishing on a star I specially chose.
Hoping that someday I will fly, fly far away, break away.
Close my eyes and dream of you,
I would fly to you,
If I could.

Sleepy and Sleepy

I'm sleepy. I don't really know what I'm doing here... Damn Blogger templates... I spend so long on it... Nothing special right? I think its cute...


Wow... I guess I'm not getting an Ipad after all. Dad says getting a laptop would be better cause of my butterfingers... I'm just so clumsy...


Damn mosquitoes, why can't you guys leave me alone? I know I have sweet blood you little no good blood sucking things! STOP SUCKING MY BLOOD!


I'm hungry...

I guess a lil' midnight snack wont hurt.

I still can't use the grills and dessert maker... Turns out that apparently, US electricity currents are different from here. Need to wait for the transformer... Dad... I need you... I need that... I need food...

Okay... I'm hungry, itchy and sleepy.

Good Night Folks

Sunday, 11 April 2010

Happy Birthday Lisa

Happy birthday to you~

Poor girl... No cake, no presents... And a tooth falling out... She's the only kid in the family who celebrated a dull birthday, I mean, the rest of us, we either throw a party or just go out and have fun with a few besties. I usually celebrate my birthday with a few besties, I hate parties.


Well... At first, EVERYBODY ask me to throw a party, and they say they'll come for SURE. And when it's my birthday... Everybody happens to be busy, so, in the end... Only a few kitties show up.

Everybody can drive to McDonald's, but not my house? Yea, I'll admit, my house is deeper inside and it's in a place where nobody ever knows and well, I don't have a big logo sticking out into the sky that says 'Rachel's House'.

Far... Far... Far...

Maybe I'm use to it.

People can search for my house in circles... Without knowing that they already passed my house. That, always pisses people off. No wonder people hate coming to my place...

Oh well...

I guess...

Wait... If I don't throw a party... I wont get to do it next year... TA-DA... PMR...

October 26.

Why can't I be born on a more holiday-ish day?

Happy Birthday To You Lisa

Saturday, 10 April 2010

Weekend Night

Just came back from Lumut. Had dinner at Romance, just one thing I have to say... TOO SALTY!

Sorry guys... Especially you, got you into trouble again. Why is it always me? Never mind, next time, I go out alone. Well, can't blame your mum, mothers are... Mothers... They... Are... Mothers. And I think if I keep wanting to go out and eat, I'll get fatter and your mum wont like me very much.

And I thought I was late... My sister is singing? WTH?

Nothing much to say, just wanna apologize for getting you into trouble, and being a bit too obvious with words.

Now you, gosh... I didn't know he would be like this, he's worse than my dad! Why? So... Jealous... And if he were mine... I'd give him a good 'talk' long ago. Well, I'm different, I don't have patience, I can't tolerate with this type of behavior. When I saw how he acted, what he wrote, I felt so angry. I know, none of my business, but hey, I guess I care...

You said that you'd treat her right. This isn't treating her right. So basically, you're saying that spending time with you is more important than spending time with her friends? I didn't know you were this type of guy, I thought you were different. Why you acting like this anyway? Not like she gonna fall for anybody when she's with you. Just think... THINK... Treat her right. Don't make her cry... Ever... Or else...

Wow... The lessons people bring us... What I've learn so far from relationships:

1. Never get married and have children if you have no time.
2. If your boyfriend's a worrying freak, 'talk' with him.
3. Single is the best.

Yea... So far... Only 3...

I gotta go check something...

Damn... I guess... People shouldn't know who my brother is... I don't wanna get killed...

Hey... Stop... Messing with my friends... I don't wanna get hated, if you wanna ruin my life, well, congratz, you're doing a GREAT job.s



Fuck you

Fuck you

Fuck you man... I'm not staying on anybody's side now... I just wanna be me... I don't wanna be your sis, I don't wanna be friends with you guys... Stone age... Ice age... God damn Facebook.

Thanks... For telling me... Or... I would've never known...

Just... People from NH and ACS... They act different, it's like people from different ages... Let's face it... Nobody's a winner... Living under the well and living in a cave... Things are different... Attitude's different. Way of life too. Everybody's a God damned flirting king.

None of my business... But... I'm stuck in the middle... Like I said... You're doing a GREAT job ruining my life for me Den. I don't know... I'm not so fit to be your sister, you and me... We're totally different people. And yet, we live under the same roof and born to the same parents...

I don't understand boys... My brother for one, is a hot tempered assshole who thinks that he's the supreme ruler of everything and a bitch who pisses people off by that God damn mouth of his. And plus his attitude... He's one guy I would LOVE to avoid... But... We're related...

Good Night

Morning and Afternoon, No Night

I'll Write this while I have the chance, before that Hiao Ziao Dennis come back again. So Hiao de, hand broken still sms and play Dota.


Morning... My Shoes... ARGH! Should have taken them off sooner! Took them off anyways. Nice mud facial for my feet. I dug a few holes and pulled an Earthworm... It... Split into two while I was pulling it. Who knew Earthworms could be THAT strong. Never mess with an Earthworm.


Well, unlike me, SOME people are at 7-11 eating cup noodles.

They are...

Jessica And Friends.


I can't stop thinking about his beautiful baby-like face. Milk does that to people... I'm so baby-ish, he looks baby-ish... But... Not SO baby-ish. Baby-ish is a nice word.








People can be so... Stupid... Take me for an example.

Yea, I'm NOT useless, I can be used as a dumb example^^

Hey, I found a thing for me, I can be used as a dumb example. I bet people can't use you as one. I'm so proud of myself.

Going to Romance later... With...

Jessica and Zhi Ngor.

Yea, wait a million years if I'm going on a date with a guy. I don't mind having someone gay. But... Gays... Are... Gays... They only date men... But, gays look good, you can NEVER know they are gay. Gays... Wear make-up.


Why don't I talk lesbians?

Okay. NO. Ew.

I was just joking.


Have a good day everyone! I'm dizzy... I'm gonna go have lunch now, don't miss me or my food.

Below are things to describe... They are not necessarily joined.

Something bout your beautiful face

I never know a good thing til it's gone

I'm helpless when you smile

Maybe I'd fight it if I could

Hurts so bad but feels so good

And the pain is all I wanna feel

Don't stop believing

Just hold on to that feeling

I'm all alone and I need you now

I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

You make me wanna die

But it's time to face the truth

I can never be with you

Dream of what love could be

Felt like no one could hear me

I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings

I wont forget all the ones that I love

Feel the rush of the ocean

Make a change and break away

When you're standing there it's hard for me to look away

Felt me crying coiled up on the dirty ground

It was a trick and the clock struck twelve

They say that it's beautiful

The world behind my wall

Little caterpillar on the tree

Can't go far but you can always dream

Butterfly fly away

Hope you're reading

So I'll say to you

I miss you

I'm lost in the beauty

The world ain't half as bad as they paint it to be

Maybe I'm just dreaming out loud

Everything I can't be

Everything she is

That's why I'll never know

Why I love you

You make me crazier

Feels like I'm falling and I'm lost

Watched from a distance as you sat

I don't wanna hide anymore

Take a deep breath

Count to ten

Take it in

This is life

I've found time can heal most anything

All I ever wanted was a simple life

When I all I wanted was to be wanted

I tell myself what I know now

I'm happy

I wont love in vain cause love wont set me free

I could stand by the side and watch this life pass me by

So what if it hurts me

So what if I break down

So what if this world just throws me off the edge

Holding on tightly

Just can't let it go

I gotta find my place

Don't care about all the pain in front of me

I'm just trying to be happy

Don't say victim

Don't say anything

I just wanna be happy

I keep my secrets in my eyes

I wrap my truth in my eyes

You're so hard to hold

But I can't let go

You cut me and the pain is all I wanna feel

Anything you ask me to I would

When you look at me

I can't resist

You look just like a child

When you smile

Imagine all the people living life in peace

Some may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

Imagine all the people sharing all the world

Hope one day the world will live as one

We should be so careful of who we left out of our lives

If you life flashed before would you wish that you have died

Gotta live like we're dying

If my plane outta the skies

I'll call everyone with my last good-bye

Only 86400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away

Stop looking at the time we've been given

Every second counts on the clock that's ticking

There's nothing left for me to prove

I lost what I had won

Look what I've done

I just can't fake for you





Thursday, 8 April 2010

Another Great Day

Another great day. Whoa, you never hear me say that! Whee~ I'm loving myself again. Like I told daddy, few things people should know about me:

1. I'm nuts.
2. I think what I think.
3. I don't really care.
4. I change my mind regularly.
5. I get bored with things and like them back again.


I don't like the three in one package of milk, bank and mail service anymore... I think. Hm. No, I don't think I like him. Great, this is one of the things to show that I'm me again.

No, I don't like 'wanna eat' either. Hey, I don't like the three in one package cause I'm back to normal again, I'm not changing people. I feel horrible if I did. I feel so bad already, am I so different to HER if I keep doing this? Well, of course, there's a big difference between me and HER. SHE... Is... Ee... Don't need me to spell the rest of her name... Do you?

1. I don't take pictures of myself and put it as my wallpaper cause I know I'm not... Pretty...
2. I don't kao everybody I see, in fact, I don't kao people at all, I just like them.
3. I don't think that I'm pregnant.
4. I'm not as crazy.
5. I'm cuter. XD

The last part... Is... Kinda true. I am cuter than her. What? I have redder cheeks and I'm kinda... Chubbier! I love my chubbiness. I'm so chubby that I wanna hug myself. Admit it, I'm soft! Haha, I am soft... My family agree, my... dogs? Agree? My BEST friends agree... You guys do agree right? I am soft, aren't I? Please say YES.

Wow, I love myself so much. Who knew that loving myself would feel so good?


Who knew... Mememe is also a beauty company.


I Googled myself!

What? At least it's better than staring at the ceiling!

I think tomorrow's recess menu is...

Fish and chips, wedges, fruit salad and of course, tea.

I don't know if I can get the fruits in time... My mum ate them... Just when I needed them... See, she can really be better at timing!

I'm sleepy. Finish e-mailing daddy. I think he's gonna be back next month. Yay, we gonna play and EAT! My dad isn't so fat... He's not me.

Wow, I'm just so happy... No, it has NOTHING to do with 'wanna eat', just in case you guys are wondering.

Okay, great day! GREAT DAY!

Good night everybody!

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Positively positive of positive positiveness

What a nice title. I like it.

I'm better again.

I'm thinking positively again. It's like something hit me hard. No, it's not about the bread thing... Please, I do not want to remember that. I don't even know why I even said that... I almost chocked myself and everyone else who heard about it. Note to self, never EVER offer someone bread, especially when it's a him.

I'm so happy. Not about THAT.

My mum just says the wrong things at the wrong time. How much more better can she be at timing? Hello, mummy, I'm thinking positively now, yesterday was yesterday, you have to know one thing about me, I am nuts and I think what I like to think. I didn't think you'd read my blog. Well, anyways... Okay... If you're reading... Don't say anything.

Class picture...

Why you have to be so funny? You made me laugh... And this year's pic will come out badly... AGAIN... You made everyone laugh... Thanks Toozgx.

Stephanie missed today. Why? I don't know... She didn't even tell me she wasn't coming...

I hope that by tomorrow... Everyone will forget about the bread thing... Seriously, I didn't know why I even did that. That was a dumb move...



Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Sorry... Again...

Sorry again. People do crazy things when they're upset, especially me. Well... I'm me, get use to it.

This year's stupid Sivik project, cleaning my room. Any objections? No? Good, then... Clean my room! Saves me the work too. Of course I'll help, I just want my room to be cleaner and tidier. What a about a small garden for Fufu?


Enough with all the crap.

I was... I don't know what I felt yesterday. And now, I don't know what I feel, and I don't know what I felt. Can I get any dumber? And blur-er?

I'm kinda messed up.

Yea, I know... You guys are thinking 'She's always messed up. She's nuts.'

And yet, I have friends.

Invisible loser here. Nobody likes me, nobody wants to be friends, nobody even cares. I guess I'll just go to a corner and draw circles... Like today... I sat alone in the corner... And nobody even bothered to ask me how I'm feeling, they just used the liquid paper and drew on the desk I was using... I'm invisible...

Let everyone down again... Let myself down again...

How much more useless can I be?

I feel like walking away, but I don't have anywhere else to go.

I'm an outcast everywhere I'm at.

If there was a bunny hole to Wonderland, I'd jump into it long ago. Be another addition to the tea-party, I guess I'll name myself The Mad Down.

No more loving this loving that. I... I... I don't know how to finish my sentence...

I wont... Anymore... I'll study hard even though I'm not studying material...

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I can never choose. Not now, but, I will...

I gotta stand up for myself more.

I gotta stop being all this... Yes, I'm saying ALL of me.

I gotta smile more and be happy even if I can't.

I don't wanna end up like those suicide victims on the news.

I wanna bathe.

I wanna eat.

Sorry to everyone... Again... Just help me be me... I don't wanna be... THIS... Yes, I just said ALL of myself.


Will anybody help me?

No, I don't want YOU four. I can't tell everything cause you guys will worry too much...


I'll just go see a shrink...


I'm not THAT bad...


Not the stage where I would really kill myself.

This doesn't mean I'm dangerous. If you guys wanna treat me like some mental patient... I don't care...

I don't care.

Nobody cares.

That's just the way everything is.

One day, I'll succeed in life. I WILL SUCCEED IN MY LIFE.


Monday, 5 April 2010

Another Day, Another Mistake

Today... I made two guys angry with one joke... Killed two birds with one stone. God, what material did you use for making guys? Easy flaming cotton? I just hate myself so much that now, I hate everyone else. I feel like jumping off a cliff and be crushed by giant stones. Can I hate myself more?

umb people...

o what? Everybody knows anyway. What's the big deal? I can tell you people, in our class, for the pass years, if any guy would like any girl, it would either be her or her. Yea, I have no idea why, but... I guess people like them. Of course, nobody likes a walking nightmare(ME).

just so stupid.
And from the look of things... I'll probably sit at the ba
ck tomorrow and just ignore everyone. Please, DON'T talk to me, talking to me makes me feel better. Maybe just like last time when I ignore you guys and join the others. Have fun while I'm dead. I know you guys will, pretend that I NEVER existed. Yes, I do hate myself this much. And no, I'm not taking depression pills.
I don't know.
Should I apologize?
Well, MAYBE...
If I really made you two idiots THAT mad at me... Would it help if I write in BIG letters
'I Like Hong Leong'

I'm not going to.

I guess you both like her, but then again, I thought YOU liked HER and now YOU like her? Or is this just saying that YOU are liking b
oth persons at the same time which makes you a two timer. And if he likes her and then you like her but she doesn't like you both, which you both already know, and that means...


Oh well, the last part was... Confusing? But I understand myself. So, please...
DO NOT DISTURB while I'm ignoring you guys.
I hate the world... Why?
Fine... FINE... If I'm ME.... I'll never be okay. I'll quit...


I tried being happy here, I tried thinking positive thoughts. I tried enjoying myself. But let's face it, I don't belong. I should have chose the other direction...

I don't know

I just didn't wanna upset my mother...

She said the choice was mine...


It wasn't...

I just want to make choices of my own. I don't want this anymore. If I'm being a burden... I'll just...


Sunday, 4 April 2010

Movies Movies MOVIES!

Came back about 3 hours ago. Yea, went to the movies! Again. I seem to double-movie every Sunday, just now was How To Train Your Dragon and Clash Of The Titans. Lots of people, met... Lots of people I know.

Yea, I have nothing t0 do as usual, my homework ain't finish, I studied last night. So... I'm just lazy to do my homework. What? I got no paper anyway, just gonna rush at school I guess. I hate doing Chinese homework... Wait... I got an idea, I'll just go tear up last year's homework! YAY! Problem solved!

You guys watch movies? How bout series? Or anything at all? I love movies and series. Now, Glee is the best, besides Desperate Housewives. Why am I doing this again? I'm bored...

I still don't know. People CAN change? Well, from my experience, THEY DON'T. But there's still a change in progress, we'll wait and see. I give him... A year? See how much he changes. Let him prove ME wrong, let him prove that people CAN change. But of course, it's only for him, but if he does change, then... People CAN change, cause like everyone knows... He's a pain in the butt. And wow, you guys really don't like him, I can tell by your faces at McDonald's the other night when we were out. Especially you, you, seem to dislike him... A LOT... You had a look on your face that said 'I HATE YOU'. Wow, now I know how much you hate my brother.


End of the world movies, they kinda tell us all the same message.


That message, is kinda obvious, cause usually, end of the world movies ARE based on THAT.

So, people can change? I don't know about that. Sure, I'm nobody to say that people are all... you know WHAT... Change starts with a small person, change myself before I can tell others to. Me changing... That'll take time... Maybe until the end of the world. Yippee...

One day, somebody's gonna have to make a stand, one day, somebody's gotta say enough.

Okay, I got that from Clash Of The Titans. They make the trailers look so damn good... But I gotta tell you... The trailer, was better than the movie.


Right, gonna continue watching TV.


A milk product, a bank and a mail service, what do they have in common?

I'm just gonna play dumb. Yea.

This is another stupid thing from me~

Thank You

Saturday, 3 April 2010

I'm Back and Feeling Stupider

I'm sitting here again, after so long, I think I'm feeling better. Not in the mood to do anything. I'm blank as usual. Listening to songs from my retarded phone, time to change, but, I have no money. Boo.

What am I doing here again?

So much on my mind, but then again, nothing's on my mind. I feel so stupid, as if I'm not stupid enough, I'm feeling stupider! Nah, I just like the word 'stupider', sounds dumb. I like stupid things, that's why I'm this dumb anyway.

I'm thinking about a bank, a milk product and mail service? All in one, a three in one package. Obvious enough? I love the package even though I don't go to banks or drink milk, and I don't mail anything.

I'm gonna watch movies again tomorrow. I feel like having a break every week. So, what we gonna do next weekend? Hmm? Hmm? Besides band practice of course.

I'm bored. I have nothing else to do. Maybe I'll go study. I've gone nuts. I never study.

I'm gonna say something...

I love Hong Leong... BANK...

What are you guys thinking? Hello? Can't a bank user? Love the bank? No misunderstanding PLEASE. I'm not going to go through THAT ever again!

Oh, the horror!

Ra-ra-a-a-a Ga-ga-oo-la-la want your bad romance~

In two years time, you guys would see me on stage. I made a pinkie swear and a bet that I'd go for Nan Hwa Idol two years later.

I want your love and I want your revenge
you and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and all your lover's revenge
you and me could write a bad romance

I don't know why... I just typed it out...

I'm gonna go study I guess.

Since when did I become so... so... Hardworking?

I'm scaring myself...

Am I possessed by the nerdy ghost?

I guess I gotta stop sometime, and that sometime, would be now. Yea, now is great.