I Am... A Disappointment.

The best way for me to sleep, is to cry.

I slept at 10 yesterday, my earliest record so far. And I woke up just now, at the time I usually drift off to La-La Land: 3.30am.

I wonder why I was so conscious. One bark, and my eyelids flew open. A part of me was scared, but the other part wanted to take a peek outside so very badly. I knew, it was time that 'thing' took its morning walk. Every morning, at exactly 3.30am without fail. 

But of course, I didn't. 

That's not why I'm here.

I'm here because... After I woke up, I never slept. I twist and turned in bed, kicking off the covers then wrapping myself back inside. I picked up Suzuki-san that was on the floor, weird how I don't realize that I had kicked it down the bed.

...

Again... I fail to write about what I'm really here for.

I can't write any more... I haven't wrote a piece, in nearly two months. I forgot how... To write.

For three hours, I lay there in bed. Nothing but the sound of my fan can be heard. I lay there touching myself, wanting to forget how he felt. The light from outside crept through the spaces between my window pane and faded curtains, casting a faint glow against the wooden cupboards that I hate very much.

Time passed by so quickly. I closed my eyes, but I never rested. "You disappoint me." those three words haunted me. 

I kept thinking about it. Because... Clearly, I am the one at fault. Making unreasonable requests, that I can't and won't even do myself. I don't even understand why I say, or want the things I say I want. No... That's not it. I don't want the things I say, because... Those are just meant to hurt. Those are... The selfish words of plainness that I blurt out because of how unhappy I am.

I burnt my tongue upon taking a sip of my freshly-brewed Jasmine tea. 

I tasted nothing but wax when I put the microwaved noodles inside my mouth.

I ate, but I didn't taste it.

As I washed the dishes, the words still rang beside my ears. "You disappoint me", again I felt like crying. But my tears wouldn't flow. They had dried up once again, leaving my eyes sore.

It has been four hours since I woke up. I'm going to leave soon...

When I come back, of when I feel like it... I will rant about my translating 'job' at Obsession Scans. 

...

I'm at a loss for words, because... It's all over between us. I am the problem. I wouldn't change. I thought I could ask anything of you, but I guess I was wrong. I will never understand a guy, because I think that their lives are boring and that they are too organised with their lives.

Or maybe it's just you.

 Because of you, I am a sexist.

Because of you, I want to be a lesbian.

Because of you...

I never want to fall in love ever again.  

 

 

wrote on my mobile birthday post

Write a blog entry for me will ya. It was only eight minutes. Sheesh why is she always right damn it!
***
I never knew that a call could make me so happy. It felt good hearing my friend's voice, it made me feel like I'm still missed... Like I still exist in the world.

Shirley sent me a birthday text yesterday, cause she messed up my birth date. But it's the thought that counts right? And... It is now 12.55am and she hasn't texted me back. Lol I guess Facebook made things free and easy for everyone. Damn it sometimes!

I miss blogging. I miss it a lot. I miss writing, been a while since I felt this happy.

The ironic thing is that it wasn't Zongxu who called me;it was SZN. And I was happy until I couldn't sleep. I haven't stretched my mouth so wide in such a long time. Hey, maybe my Subway sandwich can finally fit in my mouth! Ommm!!!

As for those who posted on my wall on Facebook, thanks too. But it certainly won't kill you if you texted me right?! Besides, I can't go on Facebook, it is boring! And I have to slap myself every single time I look at my Newsfeed.

Thank you, the day has just begun, and I'm going to LaLa Land after this.

Lonely birthday this year, my phone isn't vibrating that much. My mum and dad didn't wish me at midnight, but I hope they text me later. Or else... I'd be throwing murukus at them!!!! Be prepared mummy! And daddy!

Today is also Deepawali.

Happy Deepawali to everyone. And of course, happy birthday to me.

Zongxu fell asleep because I switched off my phone... It had only 3% of battery life left. I was hoping he'd call... But... He fell asleep a SECOND time when I was on the phone with my dear SZN... And the call only lasted for eight minutes, and thirty seconds.

Of course I can't blame him, he's tired. And of course I'm not too pleased. But hey, that boy has Malaysian studies and he sacrificed his butt just to go to collage. Yes, I have a boyfriend with no ass. At least he got balls? O_O

Josephine~ did you bake me macaroons? +_+ I'll be going to you... Soon... Again. Hahaha.

So yeah, since I'm already here, I'll go check Facebook.

I only have three friends in this world. One is a guy, two are girls. The other hundred are just... Human beings. Though I can't say that there's no others... But whatever, let's just leave it at three for now.

Xin Yi texted me after I said goodnight to SZN. Ah, such a beautiful world.

Time to reshape my life. Things can't go on like this. If things stay the same, then it's as if I have no life at all.

Call this holiday an escape from the people I know. Call this trip a time... Where I get to sort things out. Thought it has been very clear before who's who, it's even clearer now.

Don't say you miss me. I doubt that you'll talk to me anyway.

I'm blogging on my mini screen, Lappy still hasn't got its power supply yet. Even if mum was kind enough to replace Lappy's life force, I won't be home to see it light up anyway.

That bastard better hope that I'm in a good mood when I wake up... Or else...

...
...
...

Fwuastwaeted

*Post may contain rude language due to bad mood. You have been told, please do not continue if you cannot accept rude words. Thank you. I am being polite.*

Oh seriously, I think I've found my twin, we don't look alike, but we sure think alike. It's either the world is screwed, or we're the ones who are screwed. Okay, I think I'm gonna go with both, the world IS pretty much... Fucked up... And the two of us... Have a whole buncha unspoken opinions that NOBODY REALLY EVER CARES ABOUT, since NOBODY EVER AGREES WITH US, and... Well, because we are not pop-u-lar enough. Unlike somebody with a name more suited for a stray dog.

HAHA. Now, I am unhappy. Well, today was... Let's just say that nothing good happened. Okay, I practiced  ballroom dancing with Winnie and got 43/60 for my history paper... And found out that Mr.Too grew... HANDSOME-ER... Yeah, those were the only good things that happened today. Going to school was a TOTAL waste of time. I didn't even sleep!

Facebook just pissed me off. Account temporarily not available due to site issue? ... You are making a bitch into a mad bitch, Facebook.

Friday... Friday... Friday... FRIDAY. I hate you so much. Why can't you be less hectic? Damn you. I love Monday more than you Friday! MONDAY! I'm talking about Monday! The day EVERYBODY hates! And I... LOVE IT.

Okay, there is something seriously wrong with me, I think I need anger management, I'mma go grab the PSP and play Angry Birds now. I hope that those green pigs don't make me angrier. Sheesh, the song Friday is a disgrace to music, if it is what we call music. Even my dog can sing better. SERIOUS.

Ah, funeral, I've missed you $v$

But damn you, I was planning on double-movie date with me, and MYSELF. I wanna watch The Rise of The Planets of the Apes... And the most MANTICIPATED movie of the year... COWBOYS & ALIENS! AHHHHHHHH! James Bond meets Indiana Jones baby! That reminds me, I think I will watch Bad Teacher tonight, if Winnie still doesn't gimme her flash drive, she'll have to go download it herself!

Sigh... Another reason why I am fwuastwaeted. Zongxu, you God damned guy-bitch, why do you have to do this to me? I can't watch my movies in peace because I don't which to choose- You, or movies. Gimme a choice, ask me "Coffe, Tea, or ME?" with that perverted look of yours, so I can ask you for tea instead and kick you out so I can watch my movies in peace T^T

I forgot... Even if he does give me that perverted look, I'll still choose him, cuz... He looks awesome. A bit old, I mush admit... But... There's this thing... I think that... Benjamin is in love with him.

A twat for important posts, really, I don't know what the hell is wrong with you people =)

I'll do this for the sake of teamwork, I may not like you, you, OR you... But, I will do my job right, without letting my personal opinions get in the way, you yeah, if you are reading this,  then you better shut your yappin the next time we meet, cuz whatever... 

My personal opinion here doggie, the aftermath of a fucking war, I don't like it. Maybe I'm doing this just because I don't like you, but... Seriously, if I was gonna go away and I hear that, I will so screw you. Maybe he is a failure, but honey, you don't really have to point that out.

Oh no, here it comes again... I'm being a bitch again... I'm being a bitch again. No shit... Shit... Shit... I said that I'd stop, I said that I'd change. God damn it. Never mind... I guess I'll just go screw myself.

PeAce.

"... It all started when I went on Amazon to look for the covers of Playboy magazines, cuz I was feeling horny..."

 14-year-old boy

Second Post on Tuesday

So... I found my previous test papers in my file... I'm not such a bad person after all, I didn't stuff them for trashcan to eat =D

Band practice resumes, spacing-out, looking at the ants moving from this end to the other. Wow, the aura between the two is really dark. In the hall filled with tables and chairs, only one light shining above them... It was like ELIMINATE EACH OTHER O_O

Okay... Maybe not everyone is getting what I'm trying to say. Well... Sorry, but I'm a bit jumpy. I hacked my boyfriend's Facebook, and Hotmail acc. I feel so bad, I think he is mad at me.

''Hello, it's your cellphone! Ring ring! Is anybody ever gonna pick me up?! RING RING!!" sadly my dear cellphone, the answer is "NO! NOBODY IS GOING TO PICK YOU UP EVEN IF YOU ARE JUST BESIDE ME!".

I feel so bad... But it was fun while it lasted. I liked and commented on my own status, using someone else's account. I was daydreaming about hacking Najib's Facebook acc this morning, but... I'm not sure if he has one, so I experimented on hacking my deary's Facebook acc. It worked. Well, I guess... I am too smart.

The reason I even chose his acc to hack is because... Well, I know him? And I was just testing my knowledge about him. The security questions and all... I passed. I passed. It let me reset his password O_O

Ah, I'm glad I didn't go through all the trouble reading about Facebook cookie stealing, or phishing... Or whatever... Damn it. I missed the Pwnie Awards!

I'm sorry. I feel so bad. I'm not even picking up.

WHAT A WASTE OF PAPER!

Hi hi! The week long torture simulator has ended! Now, all I've gotta do is sit back, relax, and wait for the real thing.

THEY WASTE SO MUCH PAPER!

I just cleared out my bag, and I took out so many sets of questions. After taking out a stack, I looked inside my bag- Another one. When I thought that I had taken out everything, another set of questions pop out. Ah. that pile of paper lying on the floor, there is this itch to burn it and send them all to hell, but... That will just be polluting the environment.

SO... I am going to recycle my test papers =D

But then... Won't the teachers want us to paste them in our books? Do corrections and whatever? Oh well... These people are so... So... So... What do you call that... So... So... So... UGH. I give up, I can't think of a word.

I'm such a bad person, the last test, I stuffed all the question papers into the trash D=

So sad.

Hmm... Let's see... I'll be rummaging around this bloody messy room of mine for recyclable items. I keep my soap bottles in a drawer, waiting... For the day my lazy ass finally decides to take them to the recycling bins. Ah, I wonder if used condoms are recyclable O_O NOT THAT I HAVE ANY USED CONDOM ANYWHERE!!!!!! I swear. I don't have any used condoms anywhere. For the time being.

=)

DON'T GET THE WRONG IDEA!

=_=

Ah, I feel so sleepy. Sleeping too much in the exam hall kills you, damn it. Hmm... I wonder if people really do die in exam halls. Hmm... Something I will never know...

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. I feel so heart broken looking at the pile of hateful papers. I hope when I recycle them, they don't come back as my toilet paper!

Uhuhu, every time something like this is over... I'll be movie marathon-ing, otaku-ing, and not sleeping. Oh yeah... That reminds me, I still have to go to school, and... Band practice. UGH. I'm so lazy. Oh... Why do we practice six days a week again? HELLO, I HAVE A LIFE! Please don't ruin it by kicking me out when I go on holidays. o zero o.

Ooh... I see a red plastic bag *v*

When will I go to Pos Laju? I have something to post... I'm too lazy, maybe I wont go post it... I think I'll wait for him to come back before I hand my torn journal to him. Ah, I don't feel like giving it. It is messy, and depressing, I feel like burning... Uh, I mean RECYCLING... It.

What a waste of paper, I think I should just save my diary in my laptop instead of... Writing 4 books a year =_=  ouch.

Blabber Post #arandomnumberhere

Ah. Monday nights- TEEN WOLF.


I love watching it, I even woke up from my sleep to watch it. Yeah, I feel asleep at around Buka Puasa time, at 9pm, I automatically woke up, peed, and ran downstairs to the TV room. To watch Teen Wolf.

I have only one thing to say...

And that is...

Tyler Hoechlin is hot.

Isn't he hot? Wow... Yeah... Mm... Hmmm... I'm gonna upload a shirtless picture of him next, his muscles will make you faint~

shirtless pics from 

http://itsfashionandthecity.blogspot.com/2011/06/shirtless-colton-hayes-tyler-hoechlin.html 

*v*

I noticed it after reading him on Wiki, and yep, he does look like our famous glittery vampire from Twilight. Mm hmm... 

They are both... Hot... But... Let's face it, Tyler is hotter than Rob =D

I think I know why they chose Rob for the part of Edward Cullen- Because he is fair, like a vampire.

Is it me or are darker people all werewolves? Sheesh, like Taylor Lautner, Tyler Hoechlin and Tyler Posey~ Heeeyy, their names all start with the letter T~

I know that most of you don't know what or who I'm talking about because you guys are all geeks, put down the books and watch TV damn it!

That reminds me... I'll go read more history to make me sleep =D 

That was what happened during Buka Puasa time, I was studying history. I fell asleep. LONG LIVE THE POWER OF HISTORY BOOKS!

My boyfriend is my bestfriend,
My bestfriend is my boyfriend.
My enemy is my boyfriend,
My boyfriend is my enemy.
I hate my boyfriend,
I love my boyfriend.
What the hell, I'm so lonely that only one person is in my life.

"I'm looking at you."

PERVERT

Forget About Bras

I always hate it when I have to wear a bra, so I was desperate to prove ALL of you wrong, and now, I have succeeded. Instead of studying Sejarah for my Percubaan, I went and Googled for "IS IT BETTER TO WEAR A BRA?".

And the answer is...

NO!

For years, those lace-decorated cotton cups have cheated women's money! They are so expensive! One stupid piece of cotton that looks like two linked coconut shells cost cost RM69.90! I can't believe I even bought them! IN EVERY COLOUR! DAAAAMMMIIT!

So... The bras giving your boobies support thing, is only for OLD WOMEN. And besides, once your old, you don't have to care about your boobs anymore anyway, not like a 90-year-old pervert will look at your 90-year-old boobs.

Throw away your bras, don't wear them anymore. Wearing bras too often causes your ligaments to weaken, and causes more sagging! True, bras support your breasts, that's why your muscles get lazy and just let your boobs drop. Train your boobies to be firm even without a bra please~

Hehehe, being naked all the time really saves me A LOT.

The world today is having those fight breast cancer programs and stuff right? Why don't they just tell people to not wear any bras???

• Women who wore their bras 24 hours a day had a 3 out of 4 chance of developing breast cancer.
• Women who wore their bras more than 12 hours a day had a 1 out of 7 risk.
• Women who wore their bras less than 12 hours a day had a 1 out of 152 risk.
• Women who wore bras rarely or never had a 1 out of 168 chance of getting breast cancer.

Based on the book by Singer and Grismaijer- Dressed to Kill

See, wearing bras really DO hurt you!

Wearing bras to sleep prevent normal lymphatic flow and increases the chance of breast cancer, especially when you wear those wired bras. Exercise is very important cause lymphatic circulation in many tissues are highly dependent on MOVEMENT. So, let your breasts bounce freely like TOOOOING~ it actually helps, SERIOUSLY. Don't believe me? Go read on your own. I'm not trying to get everyone naked la.

http://www.all-natural.com/bras.html

I don't feel like wearing a bra to school on Monday. LOL.

I am tired. I am tired of all of this, I'm the troublemaker, me, me, me. I'm the one that pisses you off the most, and YOU can't live ONE MINUTE without making me lose it.

Let's just deal with it. You go, I go, let's all leave and go to sleep. No matter how many times I apologize, no matter how many times you fucking say you're sorry, it will never work.

You know what?

I don't want it anymore. I don't want this anymore. I was just stupid thinking that I could make this thing work. I'm too short tempered, I can't do this. I'll just end up fainting tomorrow morning if I keep having my blood rush up to my brain.

I don't care what you say, or do. I know you wanna try and make things better, but can you? No. No you can't. You can't do it right now, you can't do it ever.

Are you afraid of losing me. Well, don't be.

For the last time....

I am a bitch who is not worth any of your time.

"I gave it up, but it was not enough, cause she never seemed satisfied..."

If you think that I only want you for that, then continue to think that way. I have everything to lose, so why would I want you like that.

I'm speechless. Clueless. What do I want, I don't know. What are my expectations, I don't know either. I'm never satisfied, and I know that, but it doesn't mean that you have to TRY and satisfy me every time, just what's the use if I never am. I just put the blame on you, I always start the fights, you just accept the blame... No matter what... You just take it...

I don't know what I want you to do. I have nothing I want you to do. Just do what you want, you're not my puppet. Free to leave anytime you want, but you just don't want to.

I have nothing to say...

Nothing...

I'm just too selfish, you'd be better off without me.

"She watched me try, at least a thousand times. If she love me she'd stop me but no..."

I just don't know what to say, my mind is blank, everyday we fight, it's like 5 days of war and 2 days of peace, how can you stand it... How can you stand me? You apologize every time even though you don't need to. I'm the one who should be saying sorry and feeling bad... Not you...

Losing your temper is fine, you've finally lost it, I've pushed you to the limit... I see...

Are the words "I'm sorry" going to help? I tell you. I tell you, but the next day when we wake up we'd fight again.

"She wanted someone that's perfect, okay... Can you tell me who is?"






I LOVE YOU.
I KNOW THAT I'M NOT WORTH IT.
BUT PLEASE, STAY WITH ME.


ZONGXU...
I'M SORRY...

Mashed Potato... FAIL

Now that the stupid trials for stupid PMR is almost here, tuitions are cancelled. While they expect us to study on our free days, I use my time to laze around and cook something I feel like cooking.

Today, I finally got my lazy butt up and made mashed potato.

It was... Not much of a failure, but it wasn't very successful either.

The potatoes were smooth and golden, like ice-cream... But... When it came to the gravy... DISASTER...

I thought it would be easy. You know... Oil, flour, water, salt, and stir... Oh well, like always, I didn't bother to measure properly how much to use, and the gravy turned out all... Floury... You could still see some chunks of flour sticking out here and there. My maid suggested that I add in STARCH FLOUR... To make it all sticky and stuff, and so I did. Although it LOOKED nice, it certainly did NOT taste the way it looked. Desperate to make the tasteless son of a bitch have some taste, I just grabbed a spoonful of salt from cupboard and threw in HALF the salt. Stirred it for a minute, and another taste... PUUUIIIK! SALTY SON OF A BITCH! After that... I gave up and added the gravy to the lovely mashed potato.

Once I mixed the potatoes and the gravy together, it turned out okay. The sweet sweet potato, with black pepper, basil and parsley, haa... I think I forgot how the gravy tasted. Mm hmm~

Okay... I cannot be a chef next time. And... Oh boy... I think I can't cook for my children either! AHHHH! What if they get food poisoning? O_O

Oh well...

Not to say that I suck, I'm better at cooking than most people xD and of course, I can confidently say that my cooking is better than my mathematics. Uhuhu.

My God... I have had enough potatoes for a week, even though I didn't finish what I made, I'm already stuffed. The power of potatoes. Potatoes are great for diets, mm hmm, starch doesn't digest easily, your tummmy can have a work out when digesting. Ehehehe.

My maid must be torturing me on purpose, she just told me that she is gonna cook POTATO SOUP for lunch tomorrow. Grr... I'll eat out...

I'll be making pasta next round. Hees, and that will be my second time~ First time making spaghetti was a success! YES!

I used to hate pasta, but now, I just feel like having it everyday. I can't wait to taste the tomatoes~







MemeMeRachel_1814

I... WANT TO BECOME A FARMER

Thanks to Chinese class, I am inspired yet again. I think I LOVE my Chinese textbook, LOL, so many interesting stories. Too bad... I can't understand them on my own =_=

第二十二课，向神农致敬。By 何乃健。

I really wanna become a farmer. Hmm, without those skinny people who plants paddy and harvests them... We'd all starve to death.

A ball of cabbage is only worth twenty cents. The rest of the money we pay goes to the person selling you cabbage~ How sad. 这是什么世界阿?!

Farmers should get paid more. I pity them, and my future self.

Lawyers and CEOs should earn less money. All they do is sit inside an air-conditioned room and watch porn while pretending to look at the papers which need to be signed. SO WHAT IF THEY GROW GRAY HAIR AND HAVE WRINKLES?! They go for facials, spas and they eat good food. $50,000 a month, maybe more.

BUT FARMERS?!

Working all day, UNDER THE HOT SUN, bending their backs, blood sucked by leeches. More gray hair, more wrinkles, and they are just skin and bones. They don't go for spas, they sometimes eat field mice. Less than $1000 a month.

 这是什么世界阿?!

I will marry a 90-year-old billionaire. After a year of NOT sharing a room with him, I'd give him a heart attack. Then when he sleeps in the ground, I'll inherit his fortune. I get the mansion and the maids all to myself. MUAHAHAHAHA. Then, I will use the overly large piece of land to PLANT crops. I will build a nice hut for each of the farmers I hire, and provide them food, drinks, clothes... Condoms...? =_=  Everyone would be happy. I'd be a widowed 30-year-old, with a farm mansion =_= I can always remarry to Zongxu xD not that I'd want to.

Anyway...

I hope that ALL the farmers worldwide will go on strike. Refusing to plant and harvest or whatever. Keeping themselves alive instead of feeding the useless society. Make us APPRECIATE FARMERS and DON'T WASTE FOOD. Who says that only useless people become farmers? Huh? If they are so useless, don't let me see you eat rice, or vege.

That's it for now.

I WANT TO BECOME A FARMER

掌管食物之神被刺杀了之后，从他的头部长出蚕虫，从他的眼瞳长出了稻谷，从耳长出高粱，鼻子长出红豆，生殖器官长出小麦，臀部长出大豆来。

。。。
。。。
。。。

听了日本古代农民说的故事你是不是有一点不想吃了。。。？

沾满鲜血的馒头，
人的自私与丑陋，
人和社会的失败。

这是什么世界啊？！

Just a Kiss- Lady Antebellum

Just sharing another song with you guys, since I know that somebody is TOO lazy to go listen on his own, I'll just post it here so that the stalker would hear it.

Lyin' here with you so close to me

It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe

Caught up in this moment

Caught up in your smile

I've never opened up to anyone

So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms

We don't need to rush this

Let's just take it slow

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

Just a touch of the fire burning so bright

No I don't wanna mess this thing up

I don't wanna push too far

Just a shot in the dark that you just might

be the one I've been waiting for my whole life

So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

I know that if we give this a little time

It'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find

It's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

Just a touch of the fire burning so bright

No I don't wanna mess this thing up

I don't wanna push too far

Just a shot in the dark that you just might

be the one I've been waiting for my whole life

So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

No I don't want to say goodnight

I know it's time to leave, but you'll be in my dreams

Tonight...

Tonight...

Tonight...

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

Just a touch of the fire burning so bright

No I don't wanna mess this thing up

I don't wanna push too far

Just a shot in the dark that you just might

be the one I've been waiting for my whole life

So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

Not so Bluey Monday

Yes! I skipped my least favorite day of school today. Snoozed till 12.42 this afternoon. Ah, I just love going on trips, so when I come back, mum says I can skip =D

So... Yesterday... Yes, I went for the NATCOMP finals at Stadium Bukit Jalil... That is where it is held right? I forgot =_=

I didn't know I needed a ticket to go in, but, even after I knew, I acted like I didn't know.

I went JUST so I could see Sultanah Asma and the school doing the show about my mama Monster. But... I already felt sleepy during the second half, so when it was finally time for Sultanah Asma, my eyes were only half open =_=

Monster Gaga was a failure. I just liked the part where they danced >_<

The color guards ruined my mood to watch their show. When I saw them... I was like... O_O WHY ARE THEY ALL WRAPPED UP?! So... So... So... SAD T^T they should have worn the bubble-dress, I wont complain if they wore the meat-dress =_=

I like the band with the FURRY HATS =D they looked so cute, like those FAT CAT TAILS~ The band had a neat formation, waaa, so round~

That was about all I could remember... Oh... And, I remember the school with the plumpy soloist, and a super round trumpeter~ Tee hee~ The way he walked was so cute, I thought he'd slip, but he didn't. Wow, I admire that T^T

I don't know why, but... I really hate going to Times Square.

The 'surprise attack' was a failure. I surprised nothing, and attacked nothing. I didn't dare strangle him in public. Oho, if it were some place quiet, I'd do so many things to him. Hehehe, I just thought of something. ...WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS GENIUS IDEA YESTERDAY?! ARGH!

Anyway, I spent some time with my now bushy-haired Zongxu. Though the only thought in my mind was to strangle him, I managed to let him live. It must be very long since I last saw him, he has hair now... Very bushy too. Planning to keep a beard apparently. I wonder if it will grow all curly like his sideburns O_O oh no, if it grows all curly... It'd be like...

...
...
...

Oh hell?!

Imagine what would happen when he sleeps next time... The beard will get all tangled up, some might even fall on the bed.

He'd need an extra bottle of shampoo, a special comb, and some beard care product. I WILL NEVER SHARE MY COMB WITH HIM! If I have one.

Oh... Zongxu will have to shampoo his beard after each meal. Boy... What a waste of shampoo! And if anything gets stuck inside, how will it get out? Eww... Mosquitoes would die inside, flies and other bugs too.

Then when he kisses me, I'd get rashes! When he hugs me, I'd get rashes on my neck! And if we sleep together, I might find beard-hair in my hair O_O

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I don't have anything against people with beard and Santa Claus okay? I was just thinking about... The bad things that would happen if someone kept a beard. It's okay if the beard owner keeps it clean and stuff, but... We all know men aren't exactly the cleanest. Wearing the same underwear for two days... EWWWW... Even if it is turned inside-out... Still... WRONG... 

Okay...

I think I might be getting sleepy. 

Funeral again tomorrow. YES! Don't get me wrong here, I'm not happy that someone died, I'm happy that I can get RM10 =_= I'm so cheap~

My Chinese calligraphy is still unwritten... Ah damn... I guess I'll go write it now.

Weird dream today. I still feel guilty, I knew it... I knew it... I KNEW IT! I DID HAVE A CRUSH ON THAT GUY BEFORE! Aha! Rachel Cheong! You are in trouble! HE SO OLD! =_=

Another day another finding.

When I was a KID:

Pussy meant CAT,

Sex meant GENDER,  

 Bitch was a FEMALE DOG,

Dick was a NAME,

BJ was a NICK-NAME, 

Bang was a SOUND, 

Rubber was just like PLASTIC, 

Ass was an ANIMAL, 

Screw was just a NUT,

Tit was a SNACK,  

Head meant a part of BODY !!

But Now ____________

Everything is just damn complicated

                         

 

Random Thursday in July

Monthly exams are OVER! But this time, it isn't "YAY! Let's skip school and go on holiday!" in fact, this time it's "Oh shit no! Trials are almost here! Oh God! Oh God! And after trials, the real thing will be here! Noooo!" =_=

I forgot what I did today, the whole day was BLURRY for me. Half awake doing everything. I think I had a ballroom dance with Winnie in class. Hmm... Did I bitch-talk about people today... Most likely YES, because... There isn't one day in my life that I'm not crapping about somebody, even if it's the same old crap, it just... Never gets old.

I love surprises, we all love surprises. I wonder how well I can plan a sneak attack. Uhuhu, I'm such a cheeky girl. I have something in mind... I just hope that I'm not too late D=

I know I always say this... But... Jesus, if you make it happen, I swear, I will follow mum to church. Okay, FINE, I'd just go for ONE session... Sheesh. So... CAN YOU MAKE IT COME TRUE?! I'm not asking for much, oh no, I don't want first place, I just want a SURPRISE ATTACK =)

Oh yeah, guess what...

I PASSED MY MATHS TEST!

Even though it is laughable, because the questions are damn easy, I'm happy that I passed, and it is your business that you make fun of my stupidness. Hey, at least I got 12/30, and not 3/30 like SOMEBODY. Whatever, I'm happy that I'm able to pass.

Ahh, I finally watched The Roommate. I now have the ROOMMATE PHOBIA. When I go to college next time, I wanna live with someone I know, or just live alone, or just live with a dog! Ahhh! I don't wanna have a psycho hot lesbian roommate... I JUST WANNA HAVE A HOT LESBIAN ROOMMATE! Minus the PSYCHO... Shivers... Crazy bitch...

I wanna try something next time... If I get the chance to go to a bar, I'd look at a girl, and hope she looks at me too. Then, I'd follow her into the restroom. When she talks to me, I'd get closer and closer to her. Then when she applies her lipstick, I'd ask her "What flavour?" and have her lend it to me. Holding the lipstick, I'll ask her whether or not I can taste it. When she tells me to go ahead, and leans her face closer to mine, I'd kiss her. And then, go back to her place. Ah, the perfect plan.

SLAP!

SLAP!

WHACK!

BAM!

I helped to hit myself so mum won't have to chase me and strangle me because of my abnormalness. She always complains about this. But... I'm not writing nonsense... Okay, maybe I am... But, this is me, so if I'm weird, I can't help it, not everyone in this world is normal ya' know. I'm just the special type who needs a bit of tightening, or maybe I just lost a few screws growing up.

I'm so bored. Mr.Too is asleep already.  I can't share my thoughts anymore. Aww... That bastard loves lesbians. I'll say no more, or else he is going to kill me and have my blog reported. Hah... Lesbian Loving Little Fucking Pedo-Pervert Drummer Boy...

Oh my, Zongxu's nickname gets worse everyday. At first, it was just... Little Fucking Drummer Boy. Ah, I guess he already naik pangkat~

R-R-R... RAICHU?! O_O

YES! I'm Pikachu's... Uhh... IDK what...

Anyway, have a good night, and enjoy your dreams.

May Lady GaGa be in your dreams teaching you English, and Katy Perry kiss you so she could taste your cherry chapstick, while dancing with Britney Spears and Ke$ha till the world ends. Throw a grenade at Bruno Mars, and a dynamite at Taio Cruz while you both are getting higher. Love the way Eminem lies to you that he needs a doctor.

MemeMeRachel_2344

Post #349

Second day of the monthly test, I have a good feeling that Pn.Choo won't be happy with our history test scores. Whee~ I studied, but only ten question came out, ten to twenty, but... I forgot everything when it came to the SUBJECTIVE part. I think... I think... I even wrote... Datu Patinggi Abang Haji bin Datu Patinggi Mohammad Kassim... One heck of a long name, which I think... IS THE WRONG ANSWER... =_=

I forgot the rest of the names, I got HALF of Sir something somthing Clarke's name right =_= HEY, at least I got the Rukun Tiga Belas thing right, +1 mark  T^T

Science was easy... I think...

Ah... Skipped tuition again today. AGAIN.

I feel kinda dizzy... Ahhhhh~

Currently downloading... X-Men: Origins. The Witches of Oz... And... Dragon Age Ultimate Collector's Pack...

So... I was bored and I desperately need new RPGs to play... So I Googled for games as usual... Then the results were all like... Dragon Age II... Dragon Age: Origin- Awakening... And more Dragon Age... So.. Wikipedia time~

Mm hmm... It had good comments and stuff, positive ratings, nice story and fantasy world and stuff... So.. I got the mood to DOWNLOAD DOWNLOAD DOWNLOAD @_@

Ahhh, I think... I'll play after my PMR. I'll just download it, and extract, and mount and stuff... Another important thing before I start playing is... I NEED TO UPGRADE MY LAPTOP.

So yesh, I have decided, I will follow Mr.Ngoo Big Head's recommendation and change from this stupid Vista, to Windows 7~ And also add more RAM to this thing... Huhuhu... I wanna play the games so badly +_+

I wonder if I should try American McGee's ALICE, and the sequel: Alice:Madness RETURNS. Well... That's what happens when I stalk people... I stalked my cousin for a bit, he has a Xbox 360, and he is playing Alice: Madness... So... Ah, WIKIPEDIA again... Now, I wonder why didn't me and my cousin become good friends, he watches anime too~

Eh... I'm not sure about these shooting and killing stuff RPGs... They... Scare me =_= especially those like Left 4 Dead and Resident Evil. I mean I don't mind if it's Justin Bieber I have to shoot, at least he doesn't look all bloody and scary as hell! AHHH! The Witch from Left 4 Dead. NOT COOL. I tried playing a vampire hunting one... But... I ended up screaming and covering my face. I swore never to play these undead-hunting games. As for The World of Warcraft, I have no idea what items to buy, so I gave up.

I think something is wrong with me... Why... Do I like playing RPGs... Shouldn't I be playing with... Barbies...?

Ah, tomorrow... I'm going to watch The Borrower Arrietty tomorrow. I wonder if I should download Transformers: Dark of the Moon... Oooh, 6.7 on IMDb... Not bad I guess... Okay... DOWNLOAD~
Hehehehe... Movies, movies, movies, movies~

BUT OF COURSE!!!!!!

I haven't forgotten about REICHERU'S DIETING PROJECT. I'mma buy a book, and write down everything I eat, starting... Sunday. But that doesn't mean I'm still eating McDonald's okay? I had half a cup of bird's nest and a bown of Corn Flakes before I went to school. My bento today was... Grapes, oatmeal biscuits, and a wholemeal bun, I drank barley for recess. Lunch was porridge, with fish and egg, I had half a glass of soy milk during lunch. Dinner will be porridge again, but I'll drink 0% fat strawberry yogurt.

...
...
...

Did I seriously eat only just those stuff...? Okay, I gotta admit... I... I... I... I... CURI-CURI MAKAN two pieces of Lap Cheong(臘腸) >_< NOTHING ELSE! I SWEAR... Maybe... Soy sauce, pepper, and black pepper... And... Uh... The fish I had was... FRIED >_<

I never exercised today... Maybe I'd do... A few crunches... I... I... I... I CAN'T DO SIT UPS >_<

Poor abdomen muscles...

Will my mum PLEASE shut up about me studying. The hell like I care, what if I study? Not like I will ACTUALLY ABSORB THE CRAP I READ! Heck, if I want to study, I WILL... OKAY?! NOW WILL YOU JUST STOP BUGGING ME?!

ARGH! I hate this!

NEVER MIND! At least my mum saved you guys, she made me lost the mood to blabber.

GOOD DAY!

~!@#$%^&*()_+





That reminds me, I need a new webcam, and a mic.











MemeMeRachel@1740

Reicheru is... on... DIET?! O_O

Everyday people would ask Reicheru "Hey, when will you go on diet?" and she'd just shrug and roll her eyes telling them that she could care less. But recently, Reicheru has been thinking about GOING ON A DIET, and she is dead serious about it. WOW. What the hell happened to her?!

Ah... It all started with Skype.

After so many stupid updates, she downloaded Skype on her Vista again... DING~ it works. Video calling and voice calling for the past few days. Having such a tiny boyfriend, who is only skin and bones, Reicheru can't possibly BE together with him when she is... Plumpy, and chubby. She just felt... Depressed, and decided to go on ad diet. Fatless boyfriend doesn't mind Reicheru being chubby, because he says that she's cute and cuddly that way, and he loves her just as she is~ but, Reicheru still insists that she slims down, if she does, EVERYBODY will be happy. 

Reicheru says "I'll be able to wear a bikini now~" +_+

Exam week for Reicheru, although it is just a three-day thing, she still has to study for history and geography. She looks at the timetable and tells herself "Bleh, nothing worth reading, I'll get better grades than those who actually study anyways" but when she looks at the papers, she'll be like WTF?! I SHOULD HAVE STUDIED! 

After the first day of the test, which is today, Reicheru feels like she will fail maths... AGAIN. This time, maybe she'll even fail moral and civic. Out of the 20 questions for civic, she only knew the answer to 2 questions, she's a failed Chinese, she realized then that she knew NOTHING about the Chinese tradition and bad fortune... So much for being yellow...

After buying wholewheat crackers, breads, and buns, she went for oatmeal biscuits and 0% percent fat yogurt drinks. Poor Reicheru, she knows nothing about BEING HEALTHY, so she just bought what she thought was healthy. She could gain more weight if she does this wrong... Ahh, let's all pray for the chubby girl.

I wonder if anyone else noticed, but... Haven't Reicheru changed... A LOT...?

I guess it's true what they say, love changes a person...

Reicheru... Is into girly stuff now. She even applied BLACK nail polish on her toenails. The girly Reicheru is in LOVE with dresses, and she's just looking for more to buy. 

This... This... This... This... Person... I don't even know who she is anymore. She isn't everything she thought she was after all. In fact, she IS everything she thought she ISN'T... or... WASN'T... But, good thing though, she still doesn't like being in pictures or cam-whoring, and she's not a self-portrait slut. I guess there's some part of Reicheru left.

The transformed Reicheru is currently busy with the health thing, and her studies. Yes. Reicheru actually studies now... For... 15 minutes then she gives up and does something else =_=

Reicheru, Reicheru, Reicheru... Just... Who are you...?

Datu Patinggi Abang Haji Abdillah bin Datu Pattinggi Haji Mohammad Kassim... 

WTF?! Is that your name + your dad's name + your mum's name??? Your freaking name is longer than all my three children's added up together! And... If I have to write your name out tomorrow for history... I WILL SO KILL TENGKU! I don't even know Najib's full name. Heck, I played manguli with him before I was born. 

MemeMeRachel_2138

The 7 Minute Post

I accepted the challenge from Mr.Too. I have to write more than him in 7 minutes.

I HOPE I DON'T FAIL!

I'm in the middle of playing Aveyond, I got stuck for long, I couldn't take it anymore and went for help online. Turns out, I have to talk to the squirrels.

ANYWAY... Today...

I ACTUALLY STUDIED.

I would love to upload a few pictures, but... 7 minutes is a damn short time. HAHAHA. I'm sorry I made fun of you T^T

OH NOES! TWO MINUTES PASSED!

AHHH!

Well, mum, bro and Sarah went to Ipoh today, and they say that they'd be back by 4. but you know what? I just heard the gate creaked... Like... NOW.

My... My... My...

Exam starts tomorrow, I think I forgot everything I read this morning... I only studied for like... half an hour, before I said "ah, alright, this is enough studying for one day!" and turned on my laptop.

BUT WAIT. I didn't play my lappy from morning till now... I... Uh... HAD BRUNCH... Played the piano, and made lime juice.

OH!

NOOOOO!

TIME'S UP!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oh... Err... I have two minutes left, according to my time.

Oh well... I guess... I'll end it now.

Hey, Zongxu, how's Joe? Is he okay? Have you guys done anything yet? Mm mm? Hmm? Are you two sleeping together already? I hope the Princess doesn't feel too sad that she lost her lover. Ohohohoho~






RACHEL_2027

The Imaginative Mind

All sorts of people, colours, and stuff... That mysterious, calm guy, is his name Joe? Maybe you'd both end up together.

Yes, I'm thinking about all sorts of things. It's like... I never get tired of matching you with someone else, be it a girl or a guy. Things may seem out of place cause you're not gay, but... Oh well, at least things work out in my head. Stop saying that nobody will fall for you, Jia Xun already caught so many fishies O_O are girls these days attracted to big heads...? Maybe there are some who LOVE small heads too. Ikan bilis~

Lalalala~

Not thinking...

Not thinking...

Not thinking...

Not matchmaking...

Not matchmaking...

Not matchmaking...


I AM THINKING AND MATCHMAKING.


Muahahahahahaha O_O

Things don't look too good. Ouch. It hurts so much, can you imagine? Luckily, I WILL ALWAYS HAVE HER T^T even if she's just a friend, I STILL HAVE HER!

Joe... Joe... Joe... Joe...

Yuuna... Yuuna... Yuuna...

Stephanie... Stephanie... Stephanie...

Suu... Suu... Suu... Suu... Suu... Suu...

Koi... Koi... Koi... Koi... Koi...

Hie... Hie... Hie... Hie... Hie... Hie...


Yes. I am bored.

Huhuhu.

Going for LEOmazing Race on the 16th, so will be missing the final for the Astro star thing, wasted ticket. Probably not going for NATCOMP finals either, since I'll be tired on the 17th anyway... Oh yeah, mum, I forgot to tell you, I have a test next Tuesday, I HOPE YOU DON'T FIND OUT! >_<

709, aww, I wanna attend, and starting tomorrow, I'll try to wear as much yellow as possible xD But... Too bad, I... Only... Have... ONE yellow T... I don't have a yellow bag, or cloth, or gloves. I have a yellow lunchbox and bottle. I don't have yellow bras or underwear. No yellow pants either. I guess... I'll wear... Idk... Those dull colours to show how disappointed I am.

Even if we hate her as our maths teacher, at least show her some respect? Her family member just passed away for crying out loud! And she's dressed like she just came back from Hell! Everything BLACK, even her bag and shoes and SOCKS are black! DON'T ASK ME HOW I KNOW WHAT'S UNDERNEATH! AND NO! I AM NOT INTERESTED IN OLD WOMEN!

I forgot what else I wanted to say all of a sudden. DAMMIT.

So frustrating, I cannot be with a guy like you. You piss me off every single time... WITH something that interests me... ARGH! I just wanna bite you, so you'd know how frustrated I am. I don't know why she doesn't like you, but I guess she's right, I don't even like you! ARGH!

Take seven deep breaths...

IN... OUT... INHALE... EXHALE... REPEAT...

NOT WORKING!

!@#$%^&*()_+

I have no patience at all, and you know what? Mum will look at me tomorrow saying "why didn't you tell me you have a test next Tuesday? Now... GO STUDY AND SHUT THE STUPID LAPTOP! @#$%^&*()__+"...

Me: Hey mum, I wanna go to 709 =D

Mum: ... ... ... 3 8!

Me:... ... ... D= 

MemeMeRachel@2130

Sunday BLUES

Somehow, my Sundays are always gloomier than Mondays. It's like "Dude... I slept at 6 yesterday, and today you want me to get up at 6?!" I always hate the feeling.

I could have fell asleep, if only I didn't have Nescafe during tea just now. Ah and I thought I could fall asleep at 10pm, it's one and a half hour pass ten...

SIGH...

I blabbered so much on the phone, I didn't even care that there was NOBODY on the line. I just kept on talking to myself, hoping for a reply which I knew would never come. In the end, I pressed the DISCONNECT button on the pink bean-shaped phone. Funny... Wasn't there nobody on the line...?

After hanging up... I couldn't make myself sleep. I felt so desperate, I wanted to do something, anything at all, but when I got out of bed, I realized that there is nothing else left for me to do. The glowing screen on my desk, tempting... So I sat down on the hard chair which made squeaky noises every time I moved my butt. Annoying.

What else to do... I feel so demotivated.

Facebook... 0 Notifications, 0 Inbox.

What happened to the Inbox (1) I wonder... I really miss that. But I guess... We're both just busy.

Clicking... Clicking... Clicking...

Ended up on Blogger again, because I didn't feel like OMGPOP-ing or playing Aveyond. I know that if I logged on, I would never go to sleep. I didn't go to Omegle, because I don't wanna talk with strangers anymore, it scares me... Unlike before. I miss Farragomate, but what to do? It's just so unpopular that nobody plays it. I would check my G-Mail, but I know that my inbox would be empty, it's been almost a year or two since that person e-mailed me. Then what about Hotmail? It would be filled with Facebook notifications and spam mails instead of REAL e-mails. I thought about watching anime, but I'd just get in trouble if I wake my mum up in the next room.

Stumbled upon a video on somebody's blog, so watched it on Youtube.

Strangers, Again.

Some of the parts reminded me of myself, the things I'd say when I was unhappy. I think... I'm the one screwing things up, Stage 4, choose how to get through it. But I guess... I'm doing everything wrong, I wonder if it's okay to try to fix things... But... It's going to be harder now. We are both going to get busier starting tomorrow. It wont be like "Honey, I'm home, call me", I'd just take a look at my phone, see if there's any messages. The thing that hurts me the most is looking at my wallpaper when I peek at my phone, because... There's Mr.Haha and my specs, with no messages or anything, just a blank, lonely picture. The thing that gets me frustrated is that I always get messages from DIGI, instead of the person I want to get texts from.

Another regular Monday for me, a new semester for him.

We wont be able to spend that much time together anymore, it'll be like last time, good-nights at 10. The difference between NOW and BEFORE... Looking at my previous journals, I laugh at myself. "I will never EVER fall for that guy! He is such a bitch! I WON'T EVER EVER LOVE A GUY LIKE HIM!", look where I am now... Look where you are now, RACHEL CHEONG!

I will go flip through the memories of 09 again, the time when Red was everything I cared about, the time when you were the only one I relied on... Funny, I've always relied on you, even now...

Stupid as I am and was...

Good night.

Refreshing my memories for a bit so I can mail my latest journal ASAP!

To have a lot, or nothing at all.

If it were you? 

A lot, or nothing at all? 

MemeMeRachel_0008

My Week

I would love to describe my past week with the ONE word I love most- SAME. But, my brother had to throw a birthday party on Friday, so... I can't use SAME T^T

Friday... 1st of July, Sarah's birthday, but Dennis decided to celebrate their birthday together since his birthday is not far away, 7/7.

It was...

@_@

I DARE NOT EVEN STEP INSIDE MY OWN HOUSE WHEN I GOT BACK...

...
...
...

=_=

It was like... AHHHHHH! SO MANY PEOPLE... I scared myself.

While waiting for SZN, me and Jesvin took some food and ate INSIDE cause... There was too many people, and she didn't want to see those ACS people.

So... My bro's iPhone got stolen. YAY. Maybe he learnt his lesson... BUT I DOUBT IT. He never learns. Hehe. Something stolen at your own party. HAHAHA WTH MAN! I know, I'm not helping.

The worst part is... THEY DIDN'T CALL ME WHEN THEY CUT THE CAKE T^T

I was busy in my room playing Draw My Thing and Letterblox on OMGPOP. LOL. I missed the site, been such a long time since I logged in T^T

But... I'M BACK! PANDA! I'M BACK!

Yes... It's the start of July, closer and closer and closer to my PMR trial... Closer to PMR... But, oh well... I'm watching more anime and reading more manga. Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi and Gosick ended... I hated their endings, so I can't accept the fact that they ended, and that is why I'm reading the manga...

Blood-C is another new anime that only started airing recently, thanks again to SZN for recommending Blood-C. Hehe, she also introduced me to watch Togainu no Chi and Gosick.  But... I STILL WONT GO KOREAN!!!!!!!!!!

Blood-C... Sucked. I know I can't tell much from the first episode, but... The first episode was... BORING. So predictable, and so SLOW moving. The main character is so neardy-looking, it made me lost the mood. Blood + was better. They just had to ruin things by making up an anime called Blood-C...


ANYWAY... Ahhh, I shouldn't be doing things like this when I'm suppose to be studying...

UGH.

Why do I need to sit for ANOTHER monthly test if my trial exam is just... Another month away? Isn't it just stupid? I'm gonna get shouted at for getting bad grades again. WHY DON'T YOU GUYS SAVE ME THE TROUBLE AND JUST SKIP THE MONTHLY TEST?! @#$%^&*

ARGH!

My birthday is gonna be relaxing this year, it's after PMR =D So I can skip the next day, or the rest of the week =D I'll just go get another MC from the doctor =D

AHEM.

I'm thinking about... Not celebrating. Well... Maybe... Cook something for myself and a few friends... And that's it. No fancy big party like my bother and sister, no getting $200 presents or a dozen Domo-kun =_=

Ehehe, inviting four and a half months in advance, hope you'll make it back. Which I doubt you will. There's always things more important to do. Mm hmm. Let's all hope you get a Deepavali holiday =D

...
...
...

If there was a knowledge tube thing that allows me to download knowledge into my head, and lets me delete it whenever I want... I WILL SO GET IT... But, nah... They wont ever invent something like that. Unless... We all become robots. !!! That would be bad... I don't wanna eat oil everyday! Even if it's burger flavored, it'll still be oil! AHHHH!

Why am I not asleep? Bet Aunty Owl is already asleep, and she had Starbucks! Gah! I'm nocturnal. The bbq just now didn't help much... I'm hungry again... Uyuyu...

Funeral tomorrow... AGAIN.

Why do people keep dying around here?

My sisters want to go for funerals... Maybe I should just let Sarah take my place tomorrow. Sheesh. They don't ask "Who WANT to go for funeral" they just ask "who CAN". Of course, everyone can, we just don't want to... Nah... Anyway... I go cause I want the $10.

After that... I'll have ice-cream, and my $10 will fly... =_=

My, my... It's almost 4 already, I am so disappointed in myself. Why can't I be normal and sleep at 9? Is it cause I slept from 4 to 7.30 just now?

IDK... I just wanna go hug Suzuki-san. I wonder if I should get Zongxu a human-sized doll... So he wont have to rub his bolster... Hmmm... I have plenty of time to save up before his birthday =D



Have a... Good... MORNING?! >_<

I hope my clock is wrong =x




Lalala~

I look like a panda O_O

THAT IS BAD!







MemeMePANDArachel_0353

I'm Always Tired...

I'm always tired. Recently, it's been getting worse, I can't keep myself awake and I don't even have the strength to talk properly...

...
...
...

I think... I will go sleep now...

But sleep doesn't really help. I might sleep too much and end up not waking up at all. Scary. But... Not so very scary. I'd rather die in my sleep and live in a dream, if it's a nightmare, then I'll find a tree where I can hide inside forever, and if I eventually starve to death in my own dream... Then... I have no idea where I'll end up...

My anime activities are less this year. Two series at a time, but both are ending already. Episode 22 and 23 of Gosick made me cry, so sad. Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi ended already so I'm reading the manga to make myself feel better. Ah, BL... Nothing gets better than that...

Ehehe, I'll be watching Studio Ghibli's most recent movie- The Borrower Arrietty ... After the download finishes. And... Ah... I've gotta go get the subs. Hmm... I downloaded so many movies recently, I scared myself O_O

I think my laptop will take no more... So I have to WATCH WATCH WATCH... But... Mum's giving me pressure about STUDY STUDY STUDY. Oh... If only I had the STFU Button in real life...

Anyway...

I'm not really happy right now. I'm tired, I'm upset, and I'm sighing cause I did something terribly stupid simply cause I felt like it. Yes, you can be upset, pissed off and call me an idiot and have myself call me an idiot again... You rarely get angry, that's why I always do this. I CAN'T BE THE ONE GETTING PISSED OFF ALL THE TIME HONEY! That just makes me... Feel so wrong about myself, I'd feel bad and dump all the crap talk on you making it look like YOUR FAULT, when clearly, it's MY OWN FAULT.

ARGH!

This just never gets better!

Yes. My fucking relationship is going downhill.

Oh well, what can I say? I'm just the type of irrational girlfriend that doesn't give a damn about how my boyfriend feels as long as I feel good. Yeah, you can curse me now. I'm such a useless bitch, I know, tell me something I don't please. I'm selfish, inconsiderate, blah blah blah... I like girls, I like guys, I like BL and Yuri blah blah blah... I fell for your first crush and stuff blah blah blah... I fell in love with a girl, or girls, or even my friend and all that crap. AH. Tell me some of the stuff about myself that I don't know about.

I'll just go squat in the corner of my room and draw circles while I sob now. But first, I have to turn out the lights. But before that, I have to end this post.



...
...
...

When you walk away I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you.

When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too.

When you're gone the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay...

I miss you.

Avril  Lavigne

When You're Gone

I know I always do stuff too late. I'm sorry. I love you.