Tuesday, 16 March 2010

One Step At A Time

One step at a time, slow and steady... I'm slow, but not steady... Please... Don't yell at me, I'm a newbie... Don't bully the noob guys! I'm warning you... I'll feed you guys to pigs... WHAT? Hate that I'm no good? Then why call me back in the first place? HUH? EXPLAIN!


One step at a time... What if I chose to never take my step forward? I'm scared of what might happen. Like last time... Even if I don't wanna remember, I still think of it. I had enough, and the feelings I had and now HAVE for you... I made them as small as they could get and put them in the deepest of my heart... But everything has to get out eventually right? I can't take it anymore. But still, I will choose to stay where I am. I will just say it in silent...

Still and lifeless like I was before, a mask of lie in front, but at the back of my mask, the truth is told. Alone is all I need, to feel the pain once more of being lonely and sad. Time of rest as I stray, red petals fall and green leaves taken. The hot Sun shining on me but I feel cold. Must I think of you and the things ahead? The feeling of myself... Must you be so close and so far away at the same time? Looking at you it kills me now, don't look but still I look. Flawed but flawless...

Your best friend... I told him. Did he tell you? I hope not... If he did... He is a dead man walking. And if I kill him, please forgive me ZN... I know you still love him...







I'd come for you, I'd lie for you if you tell me to. I'll go across the world even if you asked me to(already done). Remember I'll always come for you... You know I'll always come for you...

You're the best thing I never knew I needed, there's no one here and I need you here with me... Now its so clear that I need you here...

When I see you I run outta words to say, I wouldn't leave you, cause you the type who makes me stay. When you're gone my heart wont stop bleeding when you're here it wont stop speeding... I hate myself.

So, so what? I'm still the same! You guys don't like me! Go jump off a cliff then!

I'll go write more obvious stuff in my Rachel's Private Collection 2010( First Semester)


I'm sure NOBODY wants to read it... After reading it, you will know how life really is for me. BORING RIGHT?

Night guys, I'll go think of another good night message.

Monday, 15 March 2010

So Close But So Far Away

Damn... I got sun burn? I look like a freaking drunk! ARGH! I get so frustrated during practice! Thanks to the idiot. I mean... CAN HE JUST SHUT UP AND FOLLOW? AND NOT LET ME STEP ON HIM? I SHOULD HAVE PICKED COLOUR GUARD IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Lets not think... Angry thoughts, lets think about... I don't know... I'm just gonna go ahead and write things I feel like writing. Okay? Don't wanna read? Don't read then.

Today was the closest I've been to you, I feel happy and I feel sad, looking at you... I don't know... A familiar feeling, a little too familiar. Cheeks red as ever, don't know if its cuz' of the weather or cuz' of you. Seeing you sad, makes me worry. Seeing you smile, makes me not so angry. I try to look away, I want to feel the anger instead of looking at your sweet smile. Somehow, I always lose to you.

I wanna say I love you, but, I don't wanna get myself caught up in this type of situation again. I had enough in the past, all the pain I went through... Still haunts me in the nights of loneliness. I wanna re-write my life again, but then again, I can't.

If I have one wish, one wish... You know what I'd want?

I would want nothing. Nothing at all.

Why? I already have everything I need, a good life... Just sometimes, I wish that you could... Know me...

I don't know...

So close yet so far, you are beside me, a distance so close but you feel so far away. Like an invisible wall separating us, I couldn't feel you at all. As numb as I already am, I wonder if I can be worse.

I still don't know. I guess things are best like this.

Saturday, 13 March 2010

Everything In One-thing

See, even if you don't tell me, I found out. I found out a while back but wasn't sure, but now, I AM ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY SURE IT IS HIM. So, I guess... There's nothing anymore, except mine.

Well, this certainly sucks. I'm not happy where I am, but then again, I love where I am and happy with where I am but still messed up about the whole thing! WTF did I just write? I don't know, but its too late now anyway. I chose. And even if I chose to go there, you guys would find another way to pull me back. Seriously, next time... DON'T BEG... It makes me look bad!

You're sweet innocent child-like face, somehow its hard for me to look away from you, something just pulls my focus to you. You look something like a child, but then again, you don't. Sure, sure. Another thing impossibled. Well, another dumb addition to my impossible goals in life list then.

WTF? Punesh? Now there's a shock. Hey, yo, teach! Can you like... GIMME MY PAPERS BACK? AND PLEASE, CAN YOU NOT TELL ANYBODY? I WANT MY PAPERS BACK! YOU ARE GOING TO RUIN MY Rachel's Collection 2010!


Still the way like you are huh? Haven't changed a bit. Or maybe just towards me? That cold ? Dude, I am human too ya' know. Of course, just the type who needs help and suppost from the mental hospitals. Anyway, at least I showed that I care, not to you maybe, but, I'm proud of myself. To be hurt and to heal, and once again, be hurt again and then... I still live on. The story of the greatest fool ever told.

Next time, I'm gonna keep whatever I write, and save it... And hand it down from generation to generation... From me, Rachel to Rachel II then Rachel III and so on...

I'm gonna name my next hamsters Kiko II and Piko I.

I know, I'm crazy.

I still have some sanity left in me, I'm not 100% nuts.

I AM NOT... 100% NUTS ... GAY!

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Answers To All Obvious Unanswered Questions

Yes, yes. I still love him very very very much. Why? I don't know. I just do. I guess... I'm just like this... I thought I got over him already, but as it turns out... Yay me... I haven't... Fucked right?

Of course, they never think of writing it down on the table. How dumb can people get? Like me, I don't cheat.

WTF? You think you're pretty? Well, let me tell you something... My dog, is prettier than you!

Nah, I knew the answer, I just didn't feel like telling you. Hello? I hate you, remember? And like I said, I DON'T CHEAT!

Obviously, I hate work that's too hard, and thinking about it... OMG... I feel like dying, that's why I don't want to.

No,No and NO! Why? Me, letting you read ONE is good enough. And besides, lets keep it fair, you don't tell, I don't tell. And why you wanna know anyways? Ain't everything complicating enough? Hello, girl? I still love him.

I don't know. I never thought of children... What about Wolfgang? Lets name everyone musicians.


Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Walao Eh... 1 word... GENG...

My bro, my bro. Like you all know, hand broken and all, just came back just now, and going to check the thing next TUESDAY, and guess what? I'm going too^^

I'm gonna describe him cause I lazy ask him to do a gay pose for me, wait, lemme check.

Okay, I'm back.

okay, so, one bandaged foot, hanging hand and a swollen purple eye. Oh, the day I thought would never come true, hey, I fell better again. My God, that wrapped up hand sure is hard, if he hits me with that... Hallelujah for both of us.


It's like nothing's wrong with him, he goes about his usual stuff like Facebook, messaging, MSN and all the stuff you people do that I DON'T, and of course, I'm typing for him, while, writing this. Don't he feel difficult or anything? Wait, wait, wait, lemme ask him if he has anything to say.

Do you have anything to say? Gay?

Fuck this. I'm in pain RETARDS!

He's done. LOL.

He's beside me, oh, every small sister's dream, to see pay back... Oh, the irony... Somehow, thank God... He's alive...

I know, I know, I should be studying instead of like writing this stupid thing, but... I'm prepared... I think... And, my bro needs my help... He's showing off how cool he is again, oh...I would love to smack him...

Yes, he was that dumb actually. He raced.

oh, he just knocked his foot... Again... AHAHAHAHA!

Now, talking on the phone. The only person who is so active after surgery... I don't know what the hell is wrong with the gay mind of his.

LOL, I love this line:

I won the race, an accident, a trip to the hospital and two metals sticking outta my flesh.

Go see the metal sticking out of the flesh picture, it's on Facebook. Look for him.

He is so happy... Maybe next time... Get bad brain memory lost. I did not just say that. AGAIN...

Okay, good luck with the stupid stupid stupid semester exam. Oh wait, my art... Right...

Good night everybody, sleep safe. No boogeyman's gonna get you, although someone in red might.


Sunday, 7 March 2010

Random Things

Random things, you can never think about what you want for sure. Randomly, you can write about everything. Sorta like mixed salad.

I don't know why, but suddenly, I love veges more than meat. I've been bringing vege sandwiches to school lately, I feel bored with chicken. I didn't eat meat today. Yay me... I guess.

Everybody changes. Once like before, never do this type of thing? Yea right, fuck what you two said, look at who's doing it now. I'm not saying you two can't... Maybe I'm just jealous alright? Yea, I'm definitely jealous.

Things come and go. But, I didn't think I was the one who was going to go, or the one who was gonna get replace. But I guess, I'm wrong. Aren't I always? Two replaced by one, she is one hell of a bitch to do that, but... Never mind, since you guys like her bitch like attitude more, go ahead, leave me. Since you guys already left her, I guess I wont be a problem.

Oh, I'm not replaced? Really, not to you. But them? Hello, we are our own, I don't know what the circle is about anymore. Best friends for life? She went, and now I'm leaving.

And hey, don't know what you see but, to me, we're in the different circle from them, so, I guess to you, I was never replaced. And just to let you know, I never did replace anyone, I don't tell nobody any shit anymore, cause, it just gets more complicated after that. I go with them for relief, you know how fucking stress I am? And God dammit, I swore I would only fuck my husband, I guess I'll be virgin for life.

I don't know, me? You? I don't know anymore. I don't know if I love you, but I think about you, I care about you. I don't know what's your side of the story. I guess I could never love a person the way I want to.

ARGH! Why is it so damn complicated? This, that... Where the hell do I belong? I wanna quit, save myself the stress! But there's just one problem, my mum wont let me quit. If she'd let me, I would've said bye-bye a long time ago.

Studies are usual. I think I might have improve. I improve for the sake of living through Nan Hwa, I'm just gonna take foundation. No A Levels. Just... Major in English. At least I like it. I know, its still a long time, but seriously, what else am I good at? Drawing is definitely out, so are things to do with Math, KH, Geography and other stuff...

Dennis gonna have surgery tomorrow.

Good luck gay bro!

Hope ya' get something outta this one!


Saturday, 6 March 2010

Broken Brother

I'd never thought I'd live to see this day, to see this happen, to see him in his condition like now...

Right hand broken, from his hand to his elbow, bruises all over. Lying in the hospital bed, what is he thinking? Will he change after this painful experience? I don't know.

He always does things carefully, he don't get caught, he don't hurt himself. But I guess, everybody gonna screw up sometime in life. I know everything he does, from fighting to riding, but, I don't tell. Was I wrong? Did I do my part as a sister?

I mean, it's not like we don't tell him to be good, it's just that, he never listens! For God's sake, if he'd listen to my mum, he wouldn't be lying in the hospital right now, I guess he's just too stubborn.

Sure, sometimes I imagine if things were like this, but, I didn't think I'd care this much for him. OF course, he is still my brother.

I really don't get it, why he wants to be like this? For the thrill? We are lucky enough, we have everything. Why can't he be good just for once? Why wont he listen to my mum?

I don't know...

You know how my mum thinks? This is all her fault, that she failed to be a good mother. It's always the mother's fault...

If he don't change after this, he's just hopeless. It's the most serious thing he got himself into.

I just have to say...

I was scared of you to tell. I'd probably end up looking like a panda if I'd told mum. But, I told dad, he didn't seem to care about smoking like mum did, but they are both strongly against you riding a motorcycle. That's why I didn't tell.

Just whatever okay? Change the bitch-like attitude of yours 'kay? And need I remind you, be careful, with your arm like this, your enemies have the advantage... Stay outta trouble.

This is a painful experience, whenever you gonna do something risky, think about the pain. If you don't change, then I'm sorry... You have no bright future. You're a smart kid, kinda good looking... Just the attitude...

I love you brother, even though I hate you.

Good Luck

Get Well Soon

Stay outta trouble

Go be gay

Learn how to be nice

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Why Care About What Others Think?

Why care about what others think? At least you're happy... At least I'M happy.

I dunno...

We just seem to care about what other people think, not just me, all of us. This comes the problem of 'face'...

Shyness? Yes... Being quiet all the time, but not too quiet...

Or just the humiliation?

Many problems people warn us about in the outside world, why? In the world, there's so much people, why me?

I don't think it's a good idea, but it makes me happy.

And the two of them... LXY and NKH... I know, her results are getting from bad to worse, she don't do most of her work, she is getting Hiao-er and Hiao-er... And we say, next year, she's gonna GET beaten up by those people...

We just want her to be like last time right? The goody-too-shoes, but let's just face it, it ain't happening.

TPY told her not to be like this, but, she don't listen. What can we do?

But also, we must think about her. We need to see this at a different angle, from her perspective.

Like people say, the person who's doing it is the blur one, while the person who stands by and observe is the right one.

We must let her understand that if she wants to love him, we're not stopping her, but, not his way. She must focus on her studies, control her temper and jealousy level. Or, one day, they're just gonna split.

Whatever, the moment is now, not the past nor future. Leave the past be the past, the future unwritten. Write our own futures by decisions we make, just, write a good one out.

Good luck in life everyone.

And to those couples who I know, good luck and... Don't be sweet in front of me. Do you know I always feel like hitting whoever does that? Man, it's rude...

And like I said...


Monday, 1 March 2010

Things That I Do, The Things That No One Really Ever Cares about

Yea, I do things that no one really ever cares about. So why write this when no one cares? Well, because... I care. Duh.

Not in the best-est mood really. After I found out I'm the freaking last one, with the least points, I had no intention to continue, so, practically, my heart wasn't with me just now, and I did everything wrong, I forgot everything I learned... And, I wasted my time for nothing... NOTHING...

The other thing... I'm gonna get it tomorrow... Oh yes, yes I am... 11 times, I'll break the record for the Most Hit Girl In Class. But one thing, I still can't break Gary's record, and thank God for that. 11 times... I'll just look away when I get it, oh, the pain... I can feel it just thinking about it... I feel like crying already...

Right, just so you people know, I just got back... And I AM STARVING! AND OH YEA, I HAVEN'T HAD MY BATH ;D

I can hear my tummy~

I know, it's ridiculous, I'm starving, not cleaned and writing this dumb thing~



Right, have a wonderful dream people, a good dinner and a nice shower. Although most of you probably had your shower already. Oh well, I guess I'm the only one then. WHAT? I JUST GOT BACK! IDIOTS!

This is all, thank you.