5% isn't a lot, right?
I'm missing my deadline for my essay which I should have started way earlier, I know. Somehow, I feel much more relaxed now that I've decided to stop chasing the time and think about something else instead.
Haa. I wish I didn't care so much. Maybe I don't, because if I did, I'd be rushing to complete my essay within the next 50 minutes. Anyway, 1st year grades do not count towards my final degree standings, so I can afford to do a borderline shitty job, as long as I don't let myself fail. Now that I think about it, 5% is actually a big deal!
Every night starting tonight, for 22 days, I'll be logging in my days.
Without you, life is more manageable than I thought. I expected myself to wake up feeling empty as if I've lost 3 years worth of life, but I woke up just as I do on any other day, without hopes and expectations for anything. I did check my phone. Until the late afternoon when it was time for you to get up, I checked to see if you were online. And I just checked if you were on, too. You were. But I suppose I shouldn't do that anymore? I wonder if you bother to look for me as well.
Do you think that because we can't be together physically anyway, this break doesn't affect us? Used to living life separately, not being able to see you on the weekends, or at the end of every month... Perhaps we've never really loved each other and have always anticipated the day we'd leave everything behind.
To me, it feels like waiting, waiting for the day this break would end so that I could see you again. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of what we are doing?
I wonder what you're up to today, if you're lonely, or if you're happy.
I suppose I'm only worried that you would realise you don't love me anymore, and would leave me on the 22nd day when I never intended to let you go.
No comments:
Post a Comment