Press the Reset Button

A level has 3 stars that need to be unlocked. I like achieving those meaningless achievements so that my wall shines instead of greys with the many holes left by the empty molds of stars.

The whole game just doesn't feel perfect anymore if there is one, just one star I can't collect. I don't feel complete.

Where is the reset button? And my saved game files? A corrupted one here and there, let's clean them up completely and start the game anew. That way, I'll be more tactful, in the decisions I make and who I choose to save. If only I could bear to lose all this progress so far... Ach! Goodbye, memories. Let us revisit them with a purpose to succeed and live accordingly, not daringly.

Kettle

Wafts of steam up and disperse
Soon forgotten
As if they have never been
Leaving moisture soaked by the ceiling

The boiling water
Incessant
Drove you away.

To Forgive Across the Plains of Regret

Two hearts committed by promise
Bleed as one when struck
By the same sword glazed in poison.

What hurts
Hurts both;
Pain that is not forgotten
Is hurt that is not forgiven.

One cries "I have been suffering!"
The other replies "So have I!"
But in the pride of the non-virtuous
Understanding cannot flourish
And enlighten the shades of desolation.

"I have been suffering!"
"So have I!"
Neither are heard
Through the tear of hearts
Now distant.

...

Every night, I lie in the dark with a heart full of regret. I think of the instances I pushed you away when you longed for my appreciation, failing to see my insecurities. And I hear you crying, what you said to me, echoing in the air, inside my heart. You have been suffering as if I had not been. The pain I caused you, is the pain I cannot live with. So it's not fair for you to pretend as if you're the only victim that suffered throughout our time together. It is the both of us who cannot let go of the hurt I've caused, not just you. Maybe, when you understand this, you'll start to forgive me.

A Rant in 3 Languages, Mostly English

ここで何をしたいですか。私も知りません。書く練習ですか、何か話したいですか。さあ... 今生活はちょっと寂しいですね、でも私は大丈夫です。寂しいですから、毎日ここに来て、書きます。

ああ、そうです。ドイツ語も勉強したい。じゃあ、始めます。

Huete ich hatte ins Kino mit meine Tante gehen. Wir einen Film gesehen. Der Film heißt "A Dog's Purpose" und es war sehr schön! Ich weitete und lachte viel. Die Hunden sind nett...

Ach! Sorry for the bad German. Guess I need to put more effort in learning my core language. Sigh. I can't feel German in my soul and I somehow don't want to. Suppose my heart isn't big enough to wholeheartedly accept two different languages and cultures simultaneously. In the first place, I really wanted to learn Korean so I can get myself an Oppa and continue my sentences after I utter "Aigoo", "Aiish" or "Jinjaa". Cheonsu-Oppa, wait for me, I'm single now! Next time when you're at the World Championships, Rachel will cheer for you "Kim Cheonsu! Kim Cheonsu! Kim Cheonsu!"

I took German in preparation for my future in Europe, which now, has been shredded, burnt and shoved up my own ass. If my Zukünftiger Ehemann is a Dutch national whose job and language capabilities would not allow him international mobility, then I thought I'd settle down with him there instead, learning all these languages I can't pronounce properly in hopes I'd get a great job and live happily drinking Albert Heijn's Basic Red Fruitjuice and eating Basic Pindakaas every damn morning. Of course, plans never work out, which is why I never bother planning.

Anyway, I do not regret taking German, or preparing for a future there. Why? Because Ich liebe Würste und Kartoffeln. Omnomnomnom. Besides...  Ehe. They say German poetry is beautiful.

Now that I'm probably going to stay single until I'm 30 and sagging, my focus is more self-centred, career wise. Japan, here I come! Do you think I'll end up like Wong-sensei? 50+, single, travelling and happier than a committed woman? Maybe.

Love is a feeling, it's all it is. I'm not going to disagree with my uncle on that one now that I'm back to being a cold-hearted bitch. I still cry when I watch movies, but that's about it. We come out of every relationship stronger than before. POWER OVERWHELMING! It's going to destroy me at the end of my run, but at least I'll have made an impact. Sigh, my next man to needs to understand all these useless Hearthstone references. Bro, you've set the bar too high :')

I still miss him, obviously, but I feel the warmth back in my soul. The smell of dogs, funny enough, cures emptiness.

I hope he's happy as well.

Tunnels

Down the slope and into the tunnel:

"Ahhh! I love tunnels!"

"No way, me too!"

"Seriously? I thought I was the only one."

And we discovered what else we have in common even after a decade.

"Whenever I enter a tunnel, I feel as if I'm being transported to another world."

"It's magical, isn't it?"

And we nod.

"My friends think I'm weird for being obsessed with tunnels."

"It's OK, we're here for you."

And the excitement continues.

"Especially if the lights are orange."

"True."

And through the tunnel we go, in awe.

"My favourite tunnel is the SMART Tunnel. It's soooooooooo long, I absolutely love going through it. Even if there is no need, I still go through it. I just have to."

"I've only used it once... Twice, maybe?"

"That's why we're friends."

And we laugh.

Then we come back to reality, leaving the ochre glow of the tunnel in the rearview mirror.