Thursday 23 August 2018

Bangkok XI

"It's late, why aren't you asleep yet?"

"Because, you always need someone to talk to at night."

I suppose some people understand ourselves better than we do. Tonight, when my lifeline is out of service, I am left with only one subject of confrontation: myself. The nighttime peace augments my melancholy, and I feel my breathing becoming heavier, though my eyes have already dried up.

Why do I continue to listen to Back Number at times like this, when my chest already hurts. His voice is drawing out the desperation that I wish I could suppress, and waste away without acknowledgement. Even if I turn down the volume, the melodic streams still penetrate into the deepest part of my heart. Like thick wreaths of invisible clouds, this pleading voice coils around my limbs, tearing me apart.

胸の奥の奥が苦しくなる…

I resonate with your regrets and unspoken words. As you watch her back disappear past the ticket barriers, joining the faceless crowd, the cowardly silence that has kept your lips sealed now sinks its teeth into your delicate wound. The ripples of regret spread their electrifying rings, and you feel yourself tremble in the night wind.

Nobody is there for me to wave goodbye to, and I don't have to see their silhouette swallowed up by strangers. But when I close my eyes, there is someone walking away from me. Powerless, I can only watch them dissolve into a faceless sea of wandering souls as I stand behind the steel grille.

So I talk to exhaustion every night when the skies are clear, without watching anyone leave. But tonight... To-night...

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