Sunday 7 May 2017

Rage of the Hormones

Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. FINE!

If I am not the one you hope to see when the bell rings, then when you turn around to have your expectations shattered by the unsightly embodiment of disappointment that is my existence, please do not hold back the vomit you wish to expel. In all its putrid honesty, truth will never be lacking. I would rather experience this extreme shame once and never hear from you again than to live with the impatience that irk me from day to day due to your insolent nature. You think you can dissolve in the noise of everyday routine but I will never forgive you. And do you know why so many people come and go? You do. You have reduced my heart to pity and it is from pity that my love was born, because like a time before this, I wanted to save you-- the usual fantasy of a woman who cannot live for herself.

"Wouldn't it be better if you stopped going for *** guys? I mean, they don't work out for you..."

But the strong repel me and I shun their every advance. Something about undeserved satisfaction shakes the foundation my principals are built on, which is why I prefer to suffer. Then again, I suffer because both the other and myself are lacking: the other lacks what I truly desire and likewise I lack what the other desires. It isn't sad,  it's just the way things are. A pity, isn't it? Hah! One shouldn't waste their attention on something as trivial as human relationships.

I want to sulk at the bookstore. Touching the pages comforts me and the money spent will make my heart ache more than you do.

There needs to be more karaoke sessions.

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