It's pathetic how I only blog about uneventful things. What about the picnic I had earlier today? Why didn't I write about that, huh? Why don't I write about it? Too much work? Well, writing crap right now sure isn't one bit tiring! I'm waiting for my movie to buffer on Asian-Horror-Movies dot com. I'm watching a Japanese thriller today, Lesson of the Evil. Ever since a month ago, I've been visiting the website almost everyday. Honestly, I'm getting really impatient. Last twenty minutes. How long, internet, how long are you going to make me wait? I certainly am not smiling right now.
"Write about the picnic Rachel," my brain is urging me to do so. "You know you want to." Well, God damn it, brain! If you wanted me to blog about that, then why don't you MAKE me? Instead, now I'm writing down all the random sentences that you won't stop producing! You scumbag!
So, yes, I went to the beach again today. I was happy during most of the morning when I soaked myself in the salt water. Walked along the whole stretch of sand today, from this end to the other! I never realized how short the distance was until today. My friends tell me that I walk fast, a bit too fast-- hah, that wasn't even my normal speed!
The sand, the water, the rocks, the leaves, the narrow path of the woods, the calmness of the morning, the smell of the sea, the thoughts, the smiles, the hopeless dreams, the bittersweet wandering, the healing wound... On top of the rocks at the edge of the cliff, I sat looking at the clear sky, at the distant island, the burgeoning construction of what seems like a bridge and the ships not far away. It's beautiful I thought. Yet I knew, my eyes could only see so much... When you can't see it, it doesn't mean that it isn't there. We all know very well that the waters are tainted.
Sitting on the boulders, it made me smile. It wasn't a happy one. It was a grateful one, but underneath, it is with the shadow of regret. The soft breeze that caressed my cheeks and danced with my uncombed hair giggled beside my ears, it was okay, they whispered and left a tantalizing touch of longing in my heart. In the forest behind, the cries of the Higurashi masked its eerie appearance; forget about the rotting chalets and the abandoned water park, the cicadas sang. The leaf-covered tracks seemed magical, even. I notice the ants that move in a line on a root that juts out of the soil.
I'd go out there again. Alone, next time. Preferably, if I could, I'd sit on the rocks and enjoy the view with my lover... Walking barefooted on the beach, going up rough stone steps without anything protecting my feet, moving through a narrow forest path and feeling the damp leaves cushioning each heavy step of mine... If only I had someone's hand to hold, that would cast the shadow away from my smile... If only, if only...
"Alone again? Tch. Always alone." Those words rang in my ears. A distant memory from months ago, before shattered hopes and abrupt endings. The moon was bright that night, so was the flame of my hope; bright as ever. I reminisce, I smile, I shake my head and then laugh at myself. If drinking wasn't bad, I'd be waving a bottle in my hand while I cry to miserable pop songs.
No, I'm not thinking about you. No, I'm not thinking about him either.
My skin is feeling hot. I'm a few shades darker again. Bikini lines are sexy as fuck? I think not. These marks will be there for a good long while... UGH! Even the ones from the Gold Coast are still there! And I thought the Sun here was horrible!
I look like roast pork. Red nose, red cheeks, crispy-coloured skin... A drunk would be more like it, considering the fact that my hair is unkempt and my eyes are barely open... Roast pork, it doesn't have hair and you bet, it looks neat on the dinner plate!
What am I saying...?
My nose... BURNS...! When I rub it.
I know, this isn't the first time I've posted Kazenagi here. :')
Why can I endure the things other people can't? Why don't I see what they see? Why can't I just comprehend the thoughts of the average human being, of you and I.
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