Just a week away from home and my heart already strayed; strayed far more than I expected. I am thinking about someone else right now. Someone else is clouding my mind, someone else is making me upset, someone else is leaving me hanging... Suddenly, the past week seems to be but a dream.
A lot happened in a week.
We were close, we got closer, then we drifted apart, further apart until nothing was left between us. The last hour that meant goodbye, we held hands subtly, but let go after a second because we both knew it wasn't supposed to be. I was happy. I was sad. I was mad. I strayed from my relationship, falling for somebody that I CAN'T be with, someone that isn't meant for me, someone that is related to me...
A lot changed in a week.
I can't say that I love anyone anymore. I'm unsure of my own feelings. My head is filled with the thoughts of him and him alone; none else. I'm recalling the past week, everything that changed, and why they changed. I want to know if those moments were true, if his concerns were sincere. I want to know if he really did consider me seriously.
My heart is nowhere in my current relationship, it's with someone else, someone wrong. I'm leaving everyone hurt and there's nobody but myself to blame. I accept the blame.
Everything is a blur.
He's acting as if nothing happened, as if he doesn't know me. It frustrates me, that I don't know what's going on in his head. I'm scared to talk to him; shy, passive. I'm waiting for him to approach me just as he's waiting for me to make my move. We're not going anywhere, since both parties are passive.
I want to be with him.
There isn't a choice.
Between him and Zongxu, there is no option. I have to choose Zongxu. It's the right thing to do, and I can be confident we won't have to break up if things really end up well. If I choose the other guy, we'd HAVE to break up someday because we are related; mother's side. We met as a guy and girl with no knowledge of being related whatsoever.
I'm leaving for Australia on Monday. I want the next month to be enjoyable, I want to get him out of my head and I want to rekindle the feelings I have for Zongxu albeit it seems quite impossible at the moment.
So little time, so many things left unsaid.
We came to an abrupt end.
We stopped talking to each other, stopped looking at each other.
He has his own source of comfort; what does he see in her?
They say that there's nothing between them but a brother-sister relationship, but I-along with everyone else- see more than that.
Though he doesn't care for me anymore, I already have someone take care of him for me because I can't.
It's so cruel, I know.
It's hurtful, that things ended without a proper goodbye; an abrupt end.
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