Training: Thinking in Japanese

今日私は嬉しかった。私の大好き先生はお茶をあげました。そして、私たち一時間ぐらい話しました。あの時私の心ドキドキしました、ちょっと恐かったです。でもね、トーム先生はすごくやさしいひとです。先生の笑顔が大好き。あ、そです、先生の茶碗とても可愛いですよ。スターバクスで買いました。高いでしょう、先生に聞きませんでした。

そ、そ。今日の天気はよかったです、でも風は寒かったです。あ、ロンドン毎日もさむいです。私は好きでも嫌いでもないです。大学の生活ちょっとすまらないよ、それからたくさん宿題です。比較文学はすごく、すごく、すごく難しい。何で私はこのせんこうを選択した．．．何で。

私の日本語はどうですか。五月にテストをあります。

One small step at a time towards becoming a polyglot someday. One day, maybe: definitely maybe. 

WHILE I STUDY...

This is a bad time to blog. I'm currently studying for my test tomorrow, a subject which for the past two years, I have ignored completely by either sleeping through, or writing through its classes. I pity Mr.Siah. He loves me so much yet I repay him by doing horribly in the subject he teaches. One time, he even told me to never go near science again since linguists is my forte. Hah, a physics teacher telling his student to forget about science, it just shows how horrible of a logic-grasper I am!

5.3: total internal reflection of light. All the drawings of light rays drive me absolutely nuts! Skip skip skip--ain't nobody got time for that! All the angles remind me of mathematics, another subject I loathe with every reason of my existence, yet, taught by the same person who I love ever so much, Mr.Siah! T^T I hope the old man enjoys his retirement. He's retiring this year, and I must say, it's an honour to be his most horrible student during his last days of service. Bow.

Candidly, I've forgotten what I read for the past hour or so.

During the last 60 minutes of my--ahem--study session, I've fitted at least half an hour of doing random shit! First of all, I would pause my ineffective last minute studying to go on Facebook, look at some rage comics, feel bored and resume torturing myself with something called a physics workbook. At one point, I had the urge to try out dresses that I never wear, and I did.

I left my book on the bed and started trying out the outfits I have but never ever put on. The Leo installation is on the 21st this month, and I have no idea what to wear, so I just rummaged my small cupboard for dresses I think would suit the occasion. Admiring my fat self in mirror for a little while, twirling in the pieces of feminine clothing, I weirded myself out and came back to my senses. What the hell? Physics, not dressies!

Back to bed and flipping through pages of physics!

Barely finishing paper III of heat, I decided to move onto the next topic. If it's not gonna come out tomorrow, then I'm not gonna go through it! Fuck this shit!

And somehow, I unplugged Shiro-san from the charger and turned on its Wi-Fi. Bzz bzz bzz. Two unread conversations. Two siblings, from a land far far away. Come to think of it, this is the first time I'm acquainted with a friend's older sibling through their introduction.

Now, I'm just here, blogging, and talking to Shiemy-san. She's actually in class right now! But the universal problem of boredom persists, and she's infected by it. I do feel bad for replying to her text, since she's in class after all and I'm a sort of distraction!

I should probably press the Wi-Fi off button. Dinner is making my senses tingle and my stomach is begging me to feed it again. I need to go on a diet, but I don't really care about the extra chub because I'm actually happy. If you mind a little flab on me, then you won't matter. Like what Dr.Suess says: those who matter won't mind and those who mind won't matter. I love my organs so much, I protect them with a layer of fat. Pinch pinch. Poke poke.

I sound like a fat cow who weighs 200 kilograms, don't I? Hah! So what if I am?! Hmm... Probably gonna die of a heart attack in that case.

I've been staying away from Macca's for months now, thanks to a specific person who managed to rub off some of his views of how disgusting the food actually is on me. Associating the golden arches with his frowning lips is something like a habit now though once in a while, I do take a bite of the greasy, poorly prepared food. Honestly, I've come to like McDonald's a lot less.

I've spend longer than expected here. I still have two and a half chapters left to cover. After finishing light, I'll need to move onto electronics and radioactivity. Lord have mercy on my soul!

My eyes are getting pretty tired, and I already slept my afternoon away! That's why I ended up opening my book only in the evening ==

平时不烧香，零时抱佛脚。我就是这样，这么样？

Right, I already finished my Chinese paper this morning so no point blogging in that highly sophisticated language.

I always study last minute. I don't usually get the motivation to do so unless it's the day before sitting for the paper, but this round, I don't want to study at all. Nothing's pushing me and I haven't even the slightest hint of stress weighin down on me. In fact, I'm going to Pangkor this coming weekend to get a taste of its island festival despite having the sit for the more suicidal papers next week. Additional mathematics on Monday, biology on Tuesday, followed by chemy on Wednesday and ending with moral on Thursday. I don't know shit about chemistry either, and since my mathematics is already as useless as a rock's, my additional mathematics can't  even compare to the most pathetic existence in this universe.

Despite my stupidity, I'm happy. After all, fools are the only happy ones in this world.

Studies of a Horrible Student

My internet is being ridiculously slow these days, so what better way to stop myself from smashing the modem than to blog? Once this "write post" page is loaded, I can spend as much time as I want here, without having to wait... Until it's time to press the orange button that says "publish"

Honestly, I came on here without anything in mind. There's no topic, no emotions that I want to pour out, nor is there anything interesting that's happening at the moment. Right now, all I'm looking at is the screen, I didn't even know that my fingers knew the positions of each alphabet so well! I still have my socks on, my bra is lying on my lap and I'm making a sort of the-fuck-did-I-write-that-for face.

July already, huh?

This morning, I finally forced myself to do some mathematics exercises... CHAPTER ONE T^T I'm a horrible student, I know. I wonder how Siah Pang Seng felt when he walked over to my desk only to see me, his student for a year and a half already, start the first page of the workbook when other people have already finished all the exercises inside.

Even so, it's never too late to start. Hey, at least I'm trying, okay? I know I'm not the best, but I'm putting a little bit of effort into learning something! This is the first time in seventeen years that I voluntarily take out my mathematics book and ask my friends to teach me. I wonder if I'll be able to get a C for mathematics in SPM... Yeah, my hopes aren't too high for it since I'm aiming for the more arty subs like literature and history.

To all my juniors out there, if you choose to go into the science stream even though you know you suck at science and maths, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BAAAAAAAAD TIME! Heed my warning! My brother was kind enough to tell me that I'd regret the fuck out of going into the science stream back when he was in form five, but stupid little me didn't take his advice. Please, don't make the same mistake that I made... Albeit bearable, you'd still be left behind.

 Dennis facepalmed himself when he found out I was a science student. Everyone knows just how hopeless my ability to understand logic is, and thus have given up on ever hoping that Rachel Cheong Yun Xuan will ever ace mathematical and science subjects. My parents have one eye closed when it comes to me and maths-- shows just how horrible I am, doesn't it? Even grandpa stopped tutoring me... T^T

Biology is the only one science subject that I'm actually good at, probably because it doesn't need much logic and has very very little questions that requires calculations-- thank goodness for that! I failed chemistry because there's too much calculations but passed physics because at least I've got some common sense in me!

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What am I doing? Going on and on and on about my studies. It doesn't comfort me at all that I'm a horrible student! What's worse is that I'm making it known to the world!

Man, now I'm gonna feel all depressed again because I feel under prepared for my SPM. Literature? Still got a handful of poems to study, a few short stories to read and a drama to re-read and analyze. Sigh... I wonder if I can do it after all... I have doubts, you know? I can't remember the texts so well...

Alright, I'm challenging myself. I'll study all the required pieces for literature this Sunday, and I will finish them while sipping a cup of coffee-free caramel frappucino. Of course, I'll enjoy each written piece of art as I go, it would go against my principles not to! I don't believe in brain-dead studying =)

Mr.Internet, I hate you. I have to utilize you now, to search the world wide web for the poems and short stories in my syllabus, not to mention the analysis for the novel Holes and the drama An Inspector Calls. UGH.

Wish me luck. I'm aiming for seven As.