Training: Thinking in Japanese

今日私は嬉しかった。私の大好き先生はお茶をあげました。そして、私たち一時間ぐらい話しました。あの時私の心ドキドキしました、ちょっと恐かったです。でもね、トーム先生はすごくやさしいひとです。先生の笑顔が大好き。あ、そです、先生の茶碗とても可愛いですよ。スターバクスで買いました。高いでしょう、先生に聞きませんでした。

そ、そ。今日の天気はよかったです、でも風は寒かったです。あ、ロンドン毎日もさむいです。私は好きでも嫌いでもないです。大学の生活ちょっとすまらないよ、それからたくさん宿題です。比較文学はすごく、すごく、すごく難しい。何で私はこのせんこうを選択した．．．何で。

私の日本語はどうですか。五月にテストをあります。

One small step at a time towards becoming a polyglot someday. One day, maybe: definitely maybe. 

Mine Are... A Different Sort of Memory

"Eh, there's nothing special about those two, they're always together, and the class is already used to seeing them being lovey-dovey all the time."

Shirley, Shu Jing and I stand close to each other, observing the couple that's enjoying their last moments of school together, walking ever so slowly on the pavement, like senior citizens with serious leg issues. Now, aren't those two the sweetest? The three of us huddled together, letting out the cries of forever aloners.

"Heh, you shut up, Rachel!" the two of them let go of me and started embracing each other. "You have your 'your' already, so don't you dare say you're one of us!" I wanted to snap back at them with the tease of their respective match-made sweethearts, but all I could do was laugh and shake my head slightly.

I always wondered how it'd feel like to have my very own high-school sweetheart. I am a girl after all. I do read shoujo manga and end up with my head floating above the clouds, lying in bed for hours, hugging Suzuki-san while I fantasize about the love life I would never have. In school uniforms, walking side by side, exchanging the highlights of our classes, feeling shy along with the ticklish flutters of butterfly wings in my belly, and a smile that shines brighter than the two o'clock sun on my face, my chubby cheeks a little rosy. I will never experience it, I realized the truth a long time ago. A smile spreads across my face as I dismiss the thought, letting my own happiness overwhelm me when I walk alone-- I do have someone.

"It's a kind of memory, the way they are," I nodded to the smiling pair of boyfriend and girlfriend, "something we won't experience, I guess." For Shirley and I, this is our last year of high school. Goodbye old blocks of classrooms, beautiful, huge and ancient trees, haunted grounds and ugly uniforms! As for our favourite junior who is a year younger, we strongly believe that she'll never experience it either. After all, we're talking about Shu Jing, the shorty who always hangs with guys and acts like a guy.

They didn't disagree with my opinion of it being a memorable chapter in life.

A wind blew, bringing dust to our eyes as it disturbed the sleeping sand scattered all around the roads, the cemented floor. Cars endlessly sped by the busy street right outside NH's newly painted gates, making the small town life seem not so relaxed as it should be.

"You have a different kind of memory. A special one, one that stands out from the rest." Shirley looked up at me, nodding her head, pleased with what she had just said.

 A different memory, huh? I can't deny the fact that I am happily in love with someone who feels the same, but they're misunderstanding the situation, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend at all. Albeit so, mine is a unique memory indeed, one worth reminiscing over and over again after its time, a chapter... No, a book, that's worth every single second spent reading and rereading even after a lifetime of going through endless stories.

Leaves rustled in a distance.

Nothing can compare to the way we are. Mine are...

A different sort of memory.

Days Without a Journal

... And I asked how normal people lived.

"Normal people, they can remember things even when they don't write a journal, right?"

"No. They can't-- we forget a lot."

It's painful, having to face an empty desk everyday. The smooth surface, with blots of blue ink here and there, some words scribbled on it, has been with me for the past eight months already, but not once has it been this empty that I can even see the virgin spaces untouched by pens or highlights. I haven't a notebook to write in, so I look at its emptiness, staring back at me; blankly.

I sigh.

***

It's my second week without writing a journal. The days that have passed would have added up to twenty pages already. In the days that I've mindlessly lived through, I thought I would remember their every detail, but in truth, I've already forgotten even the looks on my classmates' faces and the little, unnoticeable but still memorable events that took place in the small confinements of class 5SD. All I can remember, is how tough reality is, how I never really learnt to face it, and how hard it is to survive on my own, without my book shielding me from the attention of other people. In a way, I lived without putting myself into reality. I lived as an observer. Now that I have nothing to separate me from the rest of these beings, I'm forced to be a part of their society. I've never talked that much until now... Though, people ask about my diary more often then they do about me. Every single time they see me, it's not "how are you Rachel" it's "how's your diary going?"

Miss Diary. That's the nickname the class gave me. The girl whose journal never seems to end.

Each passing day, I regret more and more, not having a book to write in. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I deliberately torture myself like this, I did go to the bookstore the other day, they just didn't have notebooks that fit the criteria.

This morning, with each flutter of Jalur Gemilang, a needle stings my heart; I have nothing to record it down, how each flag danced to the morning breeze and the weak artificial wind created by the slow as hell ceiling fans. It's patriotic month. They decorated the classroom, Jalur Gemilang hanging down from the entrance and the backdoor, making 5SD look like a Japanese-style restaurant. I wanted to write about it, how they swayed above the doors, annoying people who came through the wide-open doors, some ducking, some not even tall enough to touch the flags that hung down-- I silently giggled at their height in my heart.

The girls, they made cards, with each person's nickname written on them. When they stuck it to the board behind me, I felt like I was punched in the stomach; I have nothing to write it down with. I cursed them for being so lively when I haven't a notebook with me. The nicknames, ranging from plain stupid to ones that actually suit the person, got a bunch of us guessing which nickname belonged to which fool.

If I had a book, I wouldn't be here right now. I'd have already written about how Shalala(the nickname WeiWei got; ikr, wtf) skipped school again, leaving already miserable me in the doldrums once again. I numbed myself with work, as usual. If only I numbed myself with concentrating doing my own homework eh, instead of just copying answers from my friends like a human photocopying machine. It can't be helped-- it was last week's Chinese homework that I completely forgot about once the songs of freedom played at 1230 last Friday. The Chinese teacher was terribly disappointed with the lot of us, reprimanding us with a despairing look on her face. We're not taking our own culture seriously, being so sloppy and unappreciative of the Chinese culture. It's not entirely correct, yet all very true at the same time. I am interested, I'm just not very good at writing Chinese characters, which kinda sucks, I admit. I can use fancy proverbs in conversations, I just can't write them out or memorize who wrote what and which freaking ancient book each proverb is from!

This is how my journal would be like if I had one. I am holding back now though, since not everyone enjoys long ass posts.

***
I had my head hung down. Sigh. How long more til the end of this dreadful Monday?

There was a knock on the door.

"Looking for Rachel"

Huh. Nobody ever looks for me, unless the English teachers need a favour.

He handed me a gift pack, with stationary and an A5 notebook. It's from the school's English panel, a little thank-you gift for representing the school in the district elocution contest which I--to everyone's dismay-- did fucking horrible in.

 I smiled.

It's settled then.

I am starting a new journal.

Choices II

He asked about you again. I wonder why. I had finished writing Happy Life no.2, the records of a little less than two months of my seemingly uneventful life, but they wanted more. Is it so interesting? I think not. It's weird, how people like to read about the thoughts that swirl in my illogical universe and what happens in my life. Nobody knows where Happy Life no.2 is-- not even myself. 

We don't always talk, he and I-- I'm not very close to my friends anyway-- but whenever we are together, I always recall the retarded twelve-year-old Rachel I was and all those embarrassing feelings I had. I find it hard to make eye contact with him, unlike how I would stare into Quah's huge eyes until the both of us end up laughing our heads off and hitting the table. What am I guilty about?

The conversation he stroke up during our break left me thinking. He always asks about you. I finished my milktea in silence after he walked away, my lips pursed. I felt uneasy, but I couldn't explain what it was exactly. One question has always been on my mind since the barbecue at Thuang's last weekend, I just never asked because I wouldn't succumb to my pride or stray from my principles about nosing into other people's business. I overheard the gossip about who is trying to get who, who is dating who and why who doesn't wanna be with who. I admit, it froze me when I heard that a girl friend of mind was trying to get him on her hook; I don't particularly like that bitch. I convinced myself that I didn't care, but no matter what I tell myself, the truth is that out of the corner of my eye, I observed them closely for the rest of the night. 

Not so high and mighty now are we, Rachel? 

I spent the remaining time in the lecture hall thinking about that question of mine which answer I yearn for ever so badly. I even stuck as close as I could to Zinc for some physical comfort and warmth, though she thought I was only playing with her as I wiggled and knocked into her arm from time to time. It's a relief that none of my friends know that when I'm in a horrible mood, I seek human warmth, skin to skin. It makes clinging to them much more easier, for they won't know what's wrong and just cling along; it's comforting. I can't help but glance over at him nervously.

Should I ask him, or should I not? I crashed into Zinc lightly, time and again. She bounced back. It doesn't involve me, yet I want to know so badly; I guess there's a busybody inside of even the most ignorant of persons. It's been a good while since I've let myself ask questions that nobody really ever cares about. I've been suppressing the need to update my gossip knowledge for as long as I can remember, which is why I'm totally oblivious about what's going on with my so-called friends.

After playing visual novels, I have a habit now, of pondering every option available to me. What should I do, I ask myself. Go and talk to him or just let it slide and hope the feeling goes away? I stare at the options that are floating in front of me, thinking long and hard about what would happen if I chose either. I'm used to running away in real life, so this time, I might take a different approach and do what I've been itching to do. Life isn't a game, and I can't go back to the save point in case things don't go accordingly, but what have I to lose? A little question once in a while can be a good thing. Heck, people might even start to think that I really do care about them!

"Thank you. You may now go leave the lecture hall."

I scanned around for him, and as he got up, I did too. I went ahead, and I wasn't sure if I'd catch him, but as students jammed the door, he ended up beside me. Okay, thank you universe, it seems like it's inevitable that I satisfy my craving of getting information I do not need. I seized the perfect opportunity that the universe had arranged and went straight to the point, no greeting or beating about the bush; zero bullshit. The straightforwardness made him take a step back, even his quick mind couldn't process it and answer so quickly, all he managed was a surprised "huh" and a little while later, a stupid filler of how did I know. 

"So, what's the relationship between you and her?" was my question. I finally satisfied that unexplained desire of needing to know. I used need because if I only WANTED to know, I wouldn't have given it so much thought. For something to be on my mind, to bug me for so long, is unnatural. Usually, if I want to know something, I couldn't care less if I didn't find out. But this was different.

Just friends.

We walked together back to class, and I no longer felt that weight on my chest. I kept telling him to be honest with me. As he kept repeating that they were just close friends like Quah and I, I endlessly nagged him to quit lying. Of course, we were both laughing along the way. I couldn't come up with anything to say at the time, so I kept on telling him the words "don't lie to me" even though I know he wasn't bluffing. Like Quah and I, eh? It's been a while since I had a brotherly talk with him. 

"You should find someone too!" 

"But, there's no one else, everyone in our gang... Um... They already have theirs..."

"Oh, you want someone close?"

I just shrugged.

"SK!"

"Oh, hell no!'

"Gary?"

"Like fuck I would!"

"THEN WHO DO YOU WANT!?"

I shrugged again. He kept asking me who do I want, but I just shook my head at each repetition. 

I'm perfectly happy right now, and to be honest, I've never given ANY thought at all about dating anyone so soon. When asked if I could have any guy at all that I want, I couldn't come up with an answer, though if the question was changed to "If you could have any girl that you want, who would it be?" I'd have three answers. 

Back in the classroom, I beckoned Quah to take a seat beside me. As he copied my homework which I too, had just copied from another, we had another brotherly talk. I asked him if it was okay to nose into other people's business, or if I'd be too much of a busybody if I did that. He said I should care more about my friends and talk to them more, stop hanging with the guys and try forcing myself to fit in with the girls cause the guy who likes me would get jealous if I hung out with the boys all the time. I laughed so hard at his advice that I think he kinda felt insulted! WHO THE FUCK EVEN LIKES ME? I said in a hysterical laugh. Well, he had no comment for that one. 

For the rest of the afternoon, I sat alone and used my spare time to make out the life I would have if I had made a different choice. Would I be hanging my head in regret if I didn't ask? I would have walked alone back to class without a smile on my face, that, I knew. What did approaching him trigger? Maybe a thought, or change in ideas? Hm. I guess I will find out some other time. 

There was another choice I made that day, and it was to read manga. It was a horrible mistake; I got too engrossed in it. If I hadn't turned the first page, I wouldn't have started. If I didn't start, I would have went to band practice. If I'd went to band practice, I wouldn't feel as useless as I feel now. But then reading manga again, it made me want to join another scanlation group. I love doing things that I love for no reason at all, and if it'll benefit people, then why not? But of course, I'll do it after SPM. I will once again bury myself in my work and ignore the world around me. I have a feeling that by December, I will have to numb myself again with endless chapters of translations. 

Have a little faith, Rachel!

Everything's not lost.

From Smoke to Smiles

The sounds of the piano flood through the halls, echoed up the stairway and squeezed themselves into my room through the little gaps underneath my wooden door. A Wise Bud, played by bony fingers of a thirteen-year-old girl waiting for time to pass. The front door closes-- I hear it too. The car engine yawned to life, barely resting for an hour and its owner wants it on the road again; poor, poor machine! Outside my window, Indonesian smoke shrouds the neighborhood, blurring the night. Even the rays of the streetlamp cannot penetrate this misty clusters of dustiness.

Once again, our good neighbour Indonesia's annual forest fires has affected the air quality. It has successfully proven that yes, open burning has a severe effect on the environment. It's amazing, that clouds of smog can travel so far-- across oceans and acres of land! Thanks to a convenient and free form of transportation called wind, smoke can now enjoy holidays in Singapore and Malaysia.

After a week of stopping by Singapore, the pollutants have decided to fly north, making its way across the borders to the peninsular. Mr.Smoke is almost done with its holiday in Malaysia, reaching the North(where yours truly resides) quietly last night as we were sound asleep in our beds, dreaming about cookies, cream and whatnot.

The haze arrived at my doorstep just this morning, greeting me with an unpleasant breeze that reeked of the burnt. It got worse throughout the day, and by the time I was in biology class after recess, my head grew heavy and I wanted badly to be able to breathe. I could still see through the ashes, though my eyes started to feel a stinging sensation towards the end of school.

All this smog is making me feel as if I'm in Silent Hill! Only, there seems to be all signs of life all around me. I told Sarah that we should go out in the dead of the night, when everyone was visiting the realm of their unconscious minds.

Nelson Mandela is staring at me. No matter where I am, it seems as if his eyes are fixed on me and nothing else. It's annoying when Reader's Digest put a person's face on its front cover! I always hated it when magazines featured famous people on their front page. Who in the world would want someone staring at them while they look at the highlights listed on the front cover!?

My favourite part of Reader's Digest is Nury Vittachi's column. It's always interesting and I like his sense of humour! It never fails to make me laugh out loud! In the July 2013 issue, Nury talks about what sounds good in one language might spell disaster for the other. Reading it made me realize that English is indeed a big mistake! This is one paragraph that I would like to share:

A French reader told me about a Parisian chef who in 1765 started selling a tasty liquid he call a restorer, which is "restaurant" in French. The English got it mixed up and told the world that "restaurant" meant "a place to eat out". Germans were soon dipping sops(Deutsch for chunks of bread) into the delicious warm bowls of restaurant. The English, confused again, told the world that the new dish was called "soup". So the English sentence: "Sitting in a restaurant, I drank some soup" actually means, "Sitting in some soup, I drank some bread."

Nury Vittachi

Now I finally understand why Europeans hate English!

The column made my day!

Other than that for a happy event, I received emails from Lisa, telling me that a package is on its way here to me! I'm SOOOO excited! Ohboyohboyohboy! Pictures and gifts and greetings! Apparently, she got my birthday mixed up with another darling of hers, but oh well, it's the thought that counts! Can't wait for it to arrive at mah doorstep~!

Of course, like every other day for more than a month now, there's a certain person that lights up my world. I've been smiling a lot, and I've never been happier. Call it breaking free, or whatever it is that a female feels after realizing that they're not in love with their past lover anymore.

There are many fish in the sea, the first catch would of course hold a special place in your heart even after you've set it free but instead of sobbing on a boat in the middle of the ocean, why not dive in and forget about everything? Swim with the fishes and become a mermaid. You'll find that letting go and moving on is a part of life, a lesson learnt. Open your eyes.

Seeing your name appear in my inbox was a pleasant surprise. Three little alphabets mean so much.

10. 15. 18.

Random Thursday in July

Monthly exams are OVER! But this time, it isn't "YAY! Let's skip school and go on holiday!" in fact, this time it's "Oh shit no! Trials are almost here! Oh God! Oh God! And after trials, the real thing will be here! Noooo!" =_=

I forgot what I did today, the whole day was BLURRY for me. Half awake doing everything. I think I had a ballroom dance with Winnie in class. Hmm... Did I bitch-talk about people today... Most likely YES, because... There isn't one day in my life that I'm not crapping about somebody, even if it's the same old crap, it just... Never gets old.

I love surprises, we all love surprises. I wonder how well I can plan a sneak attack. Uhuhu, I'm such a cheeky girl. I have something in mind... I just hope that I'm not too late D=

I know I always say this... But... Jesus, if you make it happen, I swear, I will follow mum to church. Okay, FINE, I'd just go for ONE session... Sheesh. So... CAN YOU MAKE IT COME TRUE?! I'm not asking for much, oh no, I don't want first place, I just want a SURPRISE ATTACK =)

Oh yeah, guess what...

I PASSED MY MATHS TEST!

Even though it is laughable, because the questions are damn easy, I'm happy that I passed, and it is your business that you make fun of my stupidness. Hey, at least I got 12/30, and not 3/30 like SOMEBODY. Whatever, I'm happy that I'm able to pass.

Ahh, I finally watched The Roommate. I now have the ROOMMATE PHOBIA. When I go to college next time, I wanna live with someone I know, or just live alone, or just live with a dog! Ahhh! I don't wanna have a psycho hot lesbian roommate... I JUST WANNA HAVE A HOT LESBIAN ROOMMATE! Minus the PSYCHO... Shivers... Crazy bitch...

I wanna try something next time... If I get the chance to go to a bar, I'd look at a girl, and hope she looks at me too. Then, I'd follow her into the restroom. When she talks to me, I'd get closer and closer to her. Then when she applies her lipstick, I'd ask her "What flavour?" and have her lend it to me. Holding the lipstick, I'll ask her whether or not I can taste it. When she tells me to go ahead, and leans her face closer to mine, I'd kiss her. And then, go back to her place. Ah, the perfect plan.

SLAP!

SLAP!

WHACK!

BAM!

I helped to hit myself so mum won't have to chase me and strangle me because of my abnormalness. She always complains about this. But... I'm not writing nonsense... Okay, maybe I am... But, this is me, so if I'm weird, I can't help it, not everyone in this world is normal ya' know. I'm just the special type who needs a bit of tightening, or maybe I just lost a few screws growing up.

I'm so bored. Mr.Too is asleep already.  I can't share my thoughts anymore. Aww... That bastard loves lesbians. I'll say no more, or else he is going to kill me and have my blog reported. Hah... Lesbian Loving Little Fucking Pedo-Pervert Drummer Boy...

Oh my, Zongxu's nickname gets worse everyday. At first, it was just... Little Fucking Drummer Boy. Ah, I guess he already naik pangkat~

R-R-R... RAICHU?! O_O

YES! I'm Pikachu's... Uhh... IDK what...

Anyway, have a good night, and enjoy your dreams.

May Lady GaGa be in your dreams teaching you English, and Katy Perry kiss you so she could taste your cherry chapstick, while dancing with Britney Spears and Ke$ha till the world ends. Throw a grenade at Bruno Mars, and a dynamite at Taio Cruz while you both are getting higher. Love the way Eminem lies to you that he needs a doctor.

MemeMeRachel_2344

It's... OVER?

I barely had time to enjoy... The time? It felt so dreadfully long, like it's been a year already, but... No... It has only been a... Week... And now, when I know that I have to go back to school tomorrow morning, I FEEL THAT THE WEEK WAS SO SHORT... I WANT ANOTHER WEEEEEEEEK!!!

=_=

I'm so tired... For some reason.

Maybe cause school is starting tomorrow, and I haven't done my math homework... I looked at the diagrams, GLUED my eyes to the diagrams, and I STILL DON'T KNOW which is which T_T

Since I'm such an useless, unromantically unromantic girlfriend, I will do ONE thing I THINK I can do... Well... I think I'll stop using swear words. Yes. I WILL STOP USING THEM. Okay... Uhh... DAMN is not included... Right? Cuz I really don't know. Hmm. So yeah... This is the LEAST I can do. About being in between anti-social and socially social, I can't do anything about that =D

WHOO

I finished copying the synopsis for each of the TWELVE chapters in Merdeka! Merdeka!

It was a pretty useless story if you ask me. All bout MELAYU MELAYU... And more MELAYU... God. I get SOOO bored seeing that word. UGH.

Chinese New Year holidays are over. Back to school.

AWWW MAN

At least I got something to do- practice for the scary trumpet exam this Saturday, and STOP my habit of swearing when I write. It's just ungirly. Not that I want to be girly or anything... It's... Well... I'm a girl? And girls... Should be... Girly? Or something...?

I'm just joking. I'll just quit swearing. I can't even be girly if I wanted to. I'm me. And I don't work that way. I can't fit into girly things =_= except for bras... Hmm...

RIGHT

ehhh... So...

It was nice when you all came to visit. But I'm sorry that I was just a lousy host. That's cause there was just SO many people, and I'm not close with HALF of my guest... And... Well... I don't talk much, don't know how to... NOT LIKE MY MUM T_T

Hmm...

People either quit drinking or smoking, but me... I quit swearing... ?

Guess quitting is good sometimes...

And they say be careful about what you say... Hmm... If you have really bad nightmares, remember what you said... That it is fine if I did it...

I just hate it when it's all over. People leave... And that makes me really sad... Cause...People are leaving... Every festive season... It becomes so crowded in my empty house, and when it's over... It quiets down, leaving that boring, wanna die atmosphere.

I don't hate people coming, I just hate people leaving. And because you can't leave if you don't come, I'll feel better by people not coming... It makes me sad... Cause... MY HOUSE IS SO GOD DAMN FAR THAT NOBODY EVER COMES!

Ahh...

Well...

Everyone's leaving soon...

Some sooner than others. Some just a bit later than the ones that go first.

Have a safe, and lucky, and whatever word that means good luck wherever you guys go～

Cause Imma miss all of you =D

BYE-BYE

Nothing Ever Happens

Another day...

Interesting things never happen... EVER...

Tesco blah blah blah. Haven't been there. Yeah, yeah, outdated, I know. But... MUM WENT WITHOUT BRINGING ME T^T

She went during school hours... Heh... Smart woman...

Lalala~

SO...

School. More of those freaking student info forms. What the hell man? If my dad's the head of the yakuza, and earns God knows how much a month, what do you expect me to write? But of course, he isn't... If he is, you'd be dead and I wouldn't have to fill in these stupid forms!!!!!

Mum gets pissed every January. 4 kids... Forms x4. You get blur filling in these useless forms. Why do they need to know? If I'm poorer, you won't accept me in a local college/university? Is that it? Pffft... I wouldn't even apply for a Malaysian U, if I'm gonna waste my years learning like Ah Bo's son, only to re-study everything in a Japan U... I'd rather NOT study...

Thursday is a public holiday! Wheeee~

Tesco, I'm finally gonna visit you.

Chinese New Year clothes? I'm broke dear, unless you gimme some money, I will just be buying tea. For myself. Why do I even need new clothes...? FINE. When we go to Ipoh this Saturday, I'll go buy a freaking dress. Happy?

Suddenly... I feel like bringing my mum with me...

Nah... On second thought, wearing a dress while walking around Sitiawan isn't a good idea. Let's just buy a new pair of slippers, 2 Ts? And... Some pants...

I'm just saying. Wonder if mum will buy me the slippers~ Squishy Squishy~

Grr... For some reason, I really feel like buying new clothes =_=

AND I REALLY WANT SLIPPERS T^T

While girls go gaga over heels... I prefer slippers. They're comfy, you don't trip, and they don't snap.

Can't wait to go to the beach again. I'm fine with 2am =D Besides, it's Chinese New Year! Who sleeps?!

Today's motivation course. FINALLY. Something to blog about.

Yeesh. I already wrote that much and I haven't start writing about the thing that I came here for.

Motivation course... Unlike most people, I'm me.

What's the oath you guys took again? While you all were swearing that oath, I was looking at that piece of paper and NOT accepting the oath, so that's why, I didn't put my hand up, and say it.

If I remember correctly...

"We are the FORM 3 students of Nan Hwa, and we here by swear that: -

1. Complete, and do ALL my homework, and projects seriously, and responsibly.
2. Always listen to parents and teachers' advice.
3. Use our own talent wisely.
4. Be a hardworking, respectful student, which will OBEY ALL THE SCHOOL RULES.
5. Try our best to live up to the expectation of our PARENTS AND TEACHERS.
6. GET AT LEAST 8Cs IN PMR."

I know.  Now, there are SOME things that I don't agree on. Even if my translations aren't very accurate... They're more of less the same.

Firstly, I will complete and do my work. NOT ALL. Cause... Well... I've already missed a few... I will do things neatly, and nicely, sometimes seriously. But don't expect me to be serious ALL the time. I copy moswt of my homework.

Second, ALWAYS listen to their advice? ALWAYS? Sometimes, they can be wrong. But most of the time... They're right. If I don't like that advice, I won't take that advice. DONE.

Next... USE OUR TALENT WISELY? WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN? Of course we'd use our talent wisely. If your student can dance, it doesn't mean that she'll be a stripper. Yeesh. Do you mean that if we're smart, we shouldn't rob a bank even though we know that we would get away with it??? Well, if I'm that smart, I'd rob a bank already. Now, THAT'S wise.

Obey all the fucking rules? I will NOT wear my socks 3 inches high. That's about 7.5cm! I DON'T SEE YOU WEARING YOURS THAT HIGH YOU HALF-BALD PRINCIPAL!

I thought we were suppose to achieve our own goals? AND LIVE UP TO OUR OWN EXPECTATION. Not parents and teachers. I know that they'll be happy if we succeed, but, HELLO, if we're not good enough to THEM, maybe we are good enough to ourselves???

I have nothing to say against the last one though. At least 8Cs... Come on... You guys really think that we're that low. Hah. Can't argue with that. Unless those lower classes wanna show the principal of their capability... It's not gonna happen. Nope.

And that slimming center in his story... Is there one like that? LOL. I wouldn't mind running after some hot girl if she's gonna be mine after I catch her. I'll be 10kg slimmer, and I'll have a hot girl =D

Mm... Well...

I guess I'll be more positive from now on. But not now... A bit moody.

Maybe Chinese New Year...

AHHHH

Fresh start. I hope I don't choke while taking in the air.

I guess this time, I'll really study.

If I get less than 5 As... Jia Wern's gonna kill me.

I will survive...

If I target 6 As now... Will it be a bit TOO high?

Hah. We'll see. But for now... Let me read my books, I gotta improve on everything, let's start with English. Shakespeare will have to wait... If I read it everyday, I'll go blind. Reading that is no different than reading a dictionary. Well... At least, THE DICTIONARY EXPLAINS STUFF T^T

Think positive... Hummm.... I hope I can, cause I always end up thinking negatively.

I want to prove you wrong, yes I do. For some reason, I wanna prove you wrong badly, but you know? Do you want yourself to be wrong? 

• POSITIVE THINKING

Thanks Shirley~

Hello 2011, Bye-Bye 2010

New year already?

Damn...

It better be good.

PMR doesn't sound good to me though. I hate paying attention. You know... In class... You tend to space out, and when you finally remember that you're in class, the teacher finished talking, and then... You don't know a thing. Yeah... I'm beginning to daydream during maths tuition, and that is not a good sign.

Run baby run...

What? I'm listening to songs...

Lalala~

Bikini Beach Party?

They don't have big boobs.

I'm just saying...

I'm tired, and sleepy, I think I'm not gonna change again... Besides... I didn't roll in the sand, too crowded. Heh. I hate crowds and loud noises. I don't like parties or concerts with people dancing and all that stuff. I'd rather spend my time sitting down, lying on the sand, looking at stars, listening to the waves and crickets or ride a bike, or just walk around and enjoy the breeze...

Yeah, I'm a boring person, I know... I know...

Smoke... Smoking ain't fun, why do people even smoke? I've tried it. It's smoky, and it kinda suffocates you... Even if it's cherry flavored... Drinking isn't good either, it's bitter...

People get addicted to stuff that are NOT fun.

Marina Island... The whole damn island, and we can't even find a quiet spot by the waters.

They should have made a bigger beach, and a smaller office, with LESS shops and MORE trees, and... A SMALLER PARKING LOT... Damn... It's just crowded today... They don't have to make such a big parking lot.

I wonder if the concert will end tomorrow...

Ahhh...

I just feel like riding that lie down bike???

Looks fun and relaxing...

Yeesh. Everyone I know is a pervert, including me. And my boyfriend.

I think Benjamin has issues, guys usually wanna touch and look at girl boobs instead of OTHER male... Privates. Hmm... When you go there, don't make fun of people, somebody might have a bigger one. Either that, or Benjamin just has a baby brother.

Joking, please don't kill me.

=_=

Why do we always end up talking about that?

At least it's better than talking about nothing...

Cement...

Include the T... Don't end with MEN... We yellow-minded people get the wrong message.

Hmm... Let's see...

... It's not cheap, if you trust the person, and you actually love that person. Not everything is called 'cheap'. Don't make people sound like prostitutes please. If it's called 'cheap', then... You consider every girl in a relationship doing it before marriage cheap?

Hmm...

Well...

We're in Malaysia... What can I say...

In Japan, the legal age is 13. Wow... 13... No wonder they make such good ero games. And wow... Yuri, and yaoi... Haaa... Japanese are all perverts~ If I could draw... Just imagine... NEVER MIND... Are you okay with me being a pervert? Try not to get raped in NS... I would be upset... Even if it was a guy who raped you...

RIGHT.

Where did I go???

I actually find the topic interesting, most girls would just... Blush... I guess...? Seriously? Guys talk about that all the time? Wow... When you said imagining a group of guys together in the same room... I actually thought of group masturbation, with a bunch of guys sitting in a circle and... Uhh... You know the rest...

=_=

It sounded more like a gay cult... Sorry...

I will not continue that topic.

RIGHT...

Too crowded. I didn't get a chance to lie on the sand, but... I'm happy, cause, I got a softer and warmer arm around me.

Walking like best friends down the lane.  HAHAHA.

Nice.

It was a bit tickle-ish around the waist.

Damn you Justin... Stop taking pictures!

 Do I have tuition tomorrow?

UHHHH...

Damn...

I forgot...

Well...

You free later on? In the evening?

Transport is also a problem, even in a small town like this... HAIH...

I feel like spending the rest of the remaining hours with you...

I will be awake by... Uhh... After lunch time...

And...

Three months...

Long time.

But...

Well, I can wait, it's the only thing I'm good at.

Three months...

Great, just after the first monthly exam.

2011...

Old faded uniform.

Same pink school bag.

Same pink pencil case.

2010...

Good-bye...

I've become an even more boring person. I don't like loud things, I just like quietness. Soft sand, salt water, green hills, tall trees... Flip-flops...

You...

Nothing more...

The countdown wasn't great, the fireworks made my neck sore, you made me feel warm and cared for, the only person I'm shy with.

If you love me, wont you let me know...

Coldplay, Violet Hill 

Complaining

Today is Monday. There's one week left till finals, of course, our art paper is this coming Friday.

I always wonder, there's so many subjects, can't they cut off those unimportant ones like

1. Art.
2. Moral.
3. Civic.
4. KHB.

I mean, come on! Why do we HAVE to STUDY for ART?! WTF?! That is SO not art! You don't answer questions to show that you're good at painting or drawing do you?! We have projects and folios and all that crap, isn't it enough? Why the hell do we have to memorize art? And... In BM, fuck.

Moral and civic. The more you teach us about democracy or what the government is doing, you're making us HATE it even more, cause, we know that they're all LIES! Seriously... Moral, and civic, is there a need to test us about THAT? So what if I don't know what type of dances they are? As long as know the lion dance, that's good enough! Why do I have know traditional instruments? As long as I know what is the gong, that's enough. I don't freaking care about what Malays wear! I know what's a Sari and Cheong Sam, that's passable. WHY THE HECK DO I HAVE TO LEARN ABOUT THEM?! CAN'T I ASK OTHER RACES? INSTEAD OF HAVING TO LEARN USELESS SUBJECTS AND WASTE MY TIME LISTENING TO THE TEACHER CRAPPING FOR A FUCKING HOUR!

KHB... Yeah, sure... Everyone knows what's a hammer. It's used for hitting nails, pulling out nails and killing people. There, it's enough, don't need to know anymore than that. About sewing dresses... You sew, not study. And... I don't wanna be a tailor when I grow up, so, I don't feel like learning it, and I don't plan on having kids, so, I don't have to know how to sew things. If my shirt gets torn, there's a million tailors in town, and... I can buy a new one. Cooking? There are cooking shows.

Yea, this is the exam madness. You get so mad cause you sit for useless subjects.

I think that it's stupid. People should have the right to choose whether they want to take on KHB or not. And... Moral and civic are useless subjects. We know all we need to know. You don't litter, even a three year old knows that.

Major subjects...

1. English
2. Chinese @$^*#
3. UGH... Malay... !@#$%^*()
4. Science
5. History ~!@#$%^&*()_
6. Math !@#$%^&*()__)(*&^%$#@!!~~!@#$%^&*()
7. Geography ~!@#$%^&*()_(&%#^%$^%

Anything I left out???

As if seven subjects aren't enough... We have ART, MORAL, CIVIC, KHB and PJK...

~!@#$%^&*()_++_)(*&^%$#@!~!@#$%^&*()_+

It's not fair. Turning everything into Malay cause of the Malays. Hey, dumb ass! Yeah, you, Minister of Malaysia's fucking education. Let us choose, if Malays are dumb and want things easy, let them have it their way, so, when they're dumb enough, they will fall and our country will be a better place. Fairer too. Although, fair doesn't exist in this world... Whatever, it'll still be better than THIS. Let's not forgot who were the idiots who let the Japanese come into our country and killed a whole lot of people. Yeah, history helps in showing how dumb Malays are. Ish, even in those days, they're dumb.

OK OK... That was outta topic.

OK, as I was saying, Minister...

Don't change to Malay. If you want, change EVERYTHING to Malay in MALAY SCHOOLS ONLY. Yeah, that's better. If you change OUR bio or whatever into Malay... Bye-Bye. I'd rather be in last place in some other country. Make a fair decision for once, you're already so fat, might as well don't fill your own pocket and eat, and BE FAIR. Seriously... Weigh yourself once in a while dude. You can go for lipo to, but, I heard that it hurts =D

Oh yeah... I forgot, later I kena tangkap.

Oh well... Whatever, since this country's already so unfair, it doesn't matter. Well... If that happens, I'm going to hell anyway right? SO...

命令だ、殺すこと. 

MemeMe@Rae-Chan_10.10pm

I Suck. I'm Different.

It's well... About me. Who else? And my oral test, and trumpet SECTION and... More of myself. So... ENJOY!

So, today... Oral test? It was the same result...

*AHEM* "Rachel... a... Your oral still sucks! But, why is your written English so good?"

Of course, she didn't put it like THAT. Hmm, what can I say? I'm just so picky. In fact, I only talk like THIS to my bro. I think I can get an A for my oral if I video taped us talking... But, I'm afraid that the whole log will be censored and that there will be not much conversation. Yep, we swear at each other... A LOT. I call him bitch.

WHAT? I call everyone a bitch...

It's a free country ain't it?

So, I have a request... Will you people speak English with me? Yea. I have this habit of answering you in Chinese, so, if you talk to me in English and I answer you back in Chinese... SLAP ME... Or just say "I don't understand Chinese. English Please!" And while you're at it, you can cough, or RAISE a brow... Or just... Open your eyes as WIDE as possible... Of course, you can also do it in a boring manner. Whichever.

I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna get a C for my oral this year... Or a B... No A...

You know something? I kinda SUCK at just about EVERYTHING.

Today's  trumpet SECTION...

It was Scary old Owl again. Don't ask me why I chose that name... It was TOTALLY RANDOM. Damn my sisters, they LOVE Justin Bieber, and listening to him right now... 'Baby,Baby,Baby. ooooooh" ==

So, as I was saying, today's trumpet SECTION...

"Okay... Er, Rachel... You give it a try..."

There was something in his voice... The sound of hopelessness, and disappointment. We were doing lip slur. Yep, I pretty much suck at that. But... I just suck at playing my trumpet, okay? He'd rather listen to ALL of the new comers than me T_T When it was my turn... I just played C... I didn't even get to slur! And he started lecturing... Until 7.30... I played at like what? 7.15? I didn't even get to slur... When it was lip slur we're doing T_T I'm so sad... I'm such a failure!

 I didn't even slur...

Everything was wrong. About my playing... I'm one of those hopeless people in his list. And, I don't even know if I can pass the next test. It's funny. When I see him, I automatically... Change of atmosphere... It's like walking into a death trap. And worst of all, HE DOESN'T SMILE. If he smiles like what I 'remembered', things would be better. I don't know if he's over stressed or just getting old... But... IT HELPS A LOT WHEN HE SMILES...

I wont smile more. He wont smile more. We're all just doomed.

Yes, being a loner is my thing. I don't care if a wolf eats me when I'm alone in my house watching TV.

I've noticed something about myself. Other than my trumpet skills suck... I think Mr.Too might even be better.  I WILL NOT LOSE TO YOU DUDE!

So... Yeah, I've changed... I'm happier now. At least I don't get upset so easily anymore. Unlike last time, I would be swearing instead of actually writing. So yeah. Things are a lot better now, but, the hatred that I feel for humans grew, and, I'm more of a loner than before. I actually WANT to avoid people, and I AM avoiding people. It's like, I'm a people repellent now. Sure, I wish that I'm a mosquito repellent too. Doing things alone is more fun, and it's actually quite peaceful. I'm just used to the loneliness.

I might LIKE him, but, I don't want to BE with him. But then again... I fantasize about that... Sometimes... When I'm in class... Or playing the piano... It looks like fun, and it feels kinda warm...

People always tend to fall for the wrong people. Like me. It's always the wrong type a' guy that I crush on. Why can't I just fall for someone who makes me laugh? And is a bit pervy? I'm not saying that I like perverts you idiots! I just like funny people, who can take on any joke. But... I always fall for those who are... Gay... Girlie... Girl-like... I like gays too... So, it's no big deal. You know? I just LOVE people I know who will NEVER like me back.

And my choice of girlie guys is because... Well... They look so... Gay... And so... Innocent that they look like they will never ever hurt you cause they don't have it in them to do it. And also because they look cute, and sweet, and the type who would do just about anything to make you happy. Girls are like that, so, I guess that girlie boys are too. Don't get the wrong idea people!

Yeah... I don't act much like a girl. I don't scream at every thing that pops out when I watch  horror movies. I don't think that blowing people up, chopping people up or tearing people apart is sick. I don't think that blood and guts being spilled out is gross enough. I don't think that having your eyeball being pulled out is bad. I don't think that snakes coming out through your skin is scary.

While watching horror movies with some girls... I realize the God damned difference between me and them. They think that it's WAY too scary, and I just... Think that it's normal. They scream, shout, hide their faces while I eat my Kit Kat, and just sit still and watch the movie.

Call producers unimaginative. Cause, I've watched so many movies that have the same way of dying. It may be gross and sickening to you,  but, to me... I'm just used to it all. I'm just against animals dying, I don't care if people get chopped. I don't feel sorry for minced human, but, I do feel sorry for minced animals.

Most people would be like ''WTF?!'' right now. But... Is that weird? Is it weird for a girl to LOVE horror movies? And to favor animals over humans? Am I a weirdo because I like gays? Is it funny that I don't wanna be with him when I like him THIS much.

Yeah, I know, a freak is hard for people to accept. But hey, I have friends, and, they LOVE me. Of course, those are SPECIFIC friends. Not ALL of them. Some are just using me, yea, think I don't know that? Of course I do, I never forget what grandma tells me... TRUST NO ONE...

I always fall for the wrong people, and when I try to like the right ones. I can never do that.

Believe it or not, you're my type and I don't like you. Lucky you =)

Over And Out_11.51pm

MemeMe@Rae-Chan

MISS Ho's last day

Today... Just now... Was MISS Ho's last day teaching us.

I didn't know until just now. They made 100 cranes for her, as usual, I thought of the things to write. But, just now, a bit dalok lur... 'Taught' write until 'Thought'... Paiseh ya...

Stupid 1L, say us don't appreciate her la! You all do what? Buy doll for her nia ma! We hand made de leh! Stupid idiots! See you all beh song mehz! Like what also don't know! Stuck up freaks!

I know she a bit guai lan. But, got a bit miss her la... Haha...

Her cancer is back, going for treatment... Hope can get better la...

... About the class party... Even though I HATE SOME people... And I REALLY REALLY REALLY hate them to step foot in my house... Do it for you guys la... Even though I'll probably throw away the things SHE uses... Think of HER also geli... Yeeeeeer...