What Am I Feeling?

What Am I feeling? I don't really know myself. I don't know anything, I'm so unsure. But, one thing's for sure, this is not because of Kiko leaving me. It's about something else, something that I can only tell someone i truly trusted. But, whenever I speak the truth, no one ever believes me.

This feeling, I don't know what it is. It's like, there's a hole in my heart, and that hole can never be filled. What is missing? Could it be that I miss you? No, that couldn't be it. Could it be that I miss HIM? No, that couldn't be it either.

What is missing? Today, I must admit, I had a great time with my friends. But, there's just this feeling, something that makes me wanna' cry. I don't wanna' admit that I miss you, but, in the end, I do miss you. Why? I don't know the reason either. And this feeling, it never goes away. It makes me wanna' cry for no reason. No reason at all! This feeling sucks big time!

Another thing is, I lied. I lied to HIM. Even if I don't want to, I had to, it's the best way to not ruin our friendship. But, I wonder, what if I had told him the truth? Not lie about everything? Would things turn out differently?

Playing, laughing and eating what parties are all about, for me, it's true. But today. TODAY! I played, laughed and ate but still, there's sadness in my eyes. I had a great time, I really did. But still, that feeling kept haunting me! Stef asked me what's wrong, I told her! I did! But that feeling, that feeling just won't go away! Even when my sister broke the glass shelf in my bathroom, that feeling was still there. I wasn't very angry about that, just angry that Sarah spilled Coke on my bed and that my stupid maid scolded me for all the mess! Damn that woman!

So, I hope YOU will know how I feel. I also hope that HE will know how I feel.