Aimlessly Expressing

I've always been me. And yet, I, don't like stuff normal people do, some say I'm weird and retarded, some just weird, others, retarded.

I don't like Facebook. Seriously, I'm bad at socializing. I don't really talk much cause I don't really know how to, and, I don't really see the point. I'm just weird...

People always say that being different is a good thing. Being different means being weird right? So... I don't get it. Maybe it's just me and my simple but very complicated mind.

Another thing, people always say 'Be honest!', I agree with that. But, it's hard. When I'm being truthful with people, they just say that I'm plain cold. When I lie to them, they tell me not to lie, when I lie, I'm trying to be nice. So, if you get anything harsh from me... Well... You asked me, and I'm being honest with you. Deal with the fact that you suck.

I don't know if NOT liking anyone is a weird thing. I don't even like my friends. I treat everyone the same. I don't like anyone, but I don't dislike anyone either, does this sound weird to you? But, I can never say 'NO' to anyone when they look miserable, or, when they smile at me... Gosh...

I don't know... I'm just plainly writing things out. I know it's late, I feel like sleeping, but, I don't want to. I don't feel right, and that's why I hope that this will help. It's only been 10 minutes... I can keep this up for an hour, but... I don't know why, I can't seem to figure out what I really want to say...

Maybe I'm just disappointed.

Maybe I'm just depressed.

Maybe I'm just sad.

Maybe I'm just mad.

Maybe it's because I know he's just gonna let himself down in the end that it makes me upset that I'm in love with such an idiot!

There's no point.

There's no way.

So why... Why?

There's a chance, even if it's less than 0.1%... He still believes in it...

Why...

Why...

Why...

Can't I be like him?

No.

I like the way I am, even if I lose hope easily, I believe more now. These 7 months of training wasn't a waste of time. I found myself again, I believe again... After a year, I have faith again.

I believe in myself, I believed in myself, that's why I was able to do everything I did for these 7 months. Even if I'm not that good of a player, I've improved, and I learnt many things... I've healed myself.

I want to say thank you...

To everyone who helped me...

Pissed me off...

Gave me advice...

Accepted me for who I am no matter how much of a weirdo and glutton I am...

For loving me when I only think about what's for dinner, mum and dad.

For being by my side for three years even if I made you guys cry, or locked you guys up on the balcony, Jess, Jesv, Ngor, Steph.

Thank you to all my friends.

Thank you...

NHMB

I may be leaving...

But...

Thank you...

Prince of Egypt... The time is now, the story is forever.

2010

Green Green Aunty

It's not decided yet. The meeting was a mess. Green Green Aunty was a bit over doing it... My mum got fed up. Everyone supporting was fed up with Green Green Aunty, she even brainwashed Madam Hong! How evil! Fucking hell, I'm gonna kidnap her.

Uh...

I don't know, she's not a bad person, but, she's bad. Well... She's kinda a nut case if you ask me. I thought she supports our band and all that? I think she just hates our headmaster. Heh.

I wasn't there, but, my mum was, she was helping a lot too. No,no,no! She's on our side. If you don't already know her, she's one of those happy 3 8 praise dancers, short hair, red cheeks, in a black top, a skirt, and a grey handbag, not sure what shoes she wore though.

So... It's not a very good chance. Even if most of our parents are willing to let us go, a few might ruin it. I'm not getting my hopes up, although, I'm really excited!

Wait. Wait.Wait.

Why am I writing this again? Oh, right... I'm pissed.

Well, I'm not anymore... Cause... Well... I don't know...

This is weird.

I think I almost faded this afternoon at the Science lab, well... I brought the topic up... So, I guess I can only blame myself for breaking my own heart.

Whatever, I'm fine now :D

I don't know... Hope everything will be great...

I hope we can go. Even if I may not be the one that's in the show. I still hope that we can go.

Many nights we've prayed, with no proof anyone could hear,

In our hearts a hopeful song, we barely understood.

There can be miracles, when you believe,

though hope is frail, it's hard to kill (it's hard to kill).

There will be miracles, you can achieve,

when you believe, somehow you will...

You will When you believe.

Somehow... Part 2 is stuck in my head...

Good night everyone, have a good rest.

~~~

You too, and hey... Don't get your hopes up, you don't have a chance, and... I'm no one to say this but... She's using you. So... You're just hurting yourself... And... um... You wont see this but, I hope that you know. Don't get your hopes up, I once did, and... I became like I am now... A non-believer... It seems like there's hope, but, there isn't. Please... You're an idiot. Just... Just... Never mind. Do as you like, when you're crushed even worse than before... You'll know where you went wrong. But, you'll recover, takes time though, took me a year. So... Good luck.

Yes, sadly, it's for him.

Oh well, it's kinda obvious now isn't it? Oh no... I don't hate her, I just don't like her, my thoughts about her changed after that night. Don't ask which, cause... After that night... My thoughts about everyone changed...

You can never believe what you see, and once you know what's behind what you used to think is innocent... The truth... Is shocking.

Rac's Mail

HELLO!

Yes, I was lazy to write these few days. The competition ended on Thursday, and I skipped school on Friday, and... Today's Saturday, well... It's passed 12am so, I guess technically, it's Sunday already! I have tons of unfinished homework, and my SJ folio is due on Wednesday... I'm not done with it! UUUUUGHHHHHH! The results of skipping school for 2 weeks I guess... Oh well... And yes... Ah Toh, my Chinese teacher, have a lot of things to test on Monday... Hallelujah! I'll die then. I don't even know what homework there is... And, knowing what Ah Toh will be testing on Monday, I'd rather run around our school 50 times...

The competition result? We came in at 5th. Well... At least fifth place is better than nothing, we're qualified to go to Johor... BUT... We ain't going. PMR trail and stuff. Oh well... Guess people prefer studying more. Speaking of which, I have a BAD feeling about my studies too, you know I'm not the brightest and I can't survive without cheating on my Math test. So... I guess... I'll have to cheat for another... Until I graduate???? ==''

I'm getting SOOOO lazy these days. I know I'm a pig, but, I'm more of a slob than before. Heh. I don't care about homework, the only homework I really do are my Chinese and history homework, they're both scary women. EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!

As usual, this is my first e-mail since you went to work, so, the first one is ALWAYS... I mean... ALWAYS long. So, just enjoy the long e-mails when I have the time to write em'. I'll probably be much much MUCH more free since the marching season is over, but... School is school, no matter how much I wish my dream of 'Blowing up everything that has to do with education' will come true, I for one know that, it will NEVER come true. Cause, um... It's just another impossible thing, and unless I become ruler of the universe... No,no. I'm thinking way over my head.

This would be really funny if mum gave me the wrong address. Cause, um, it just will be. Oh, in case your not my dad and you got this e-mail... HI, I'M RACHEL.

This lazy slob will be going to sleep now. A bit depressed with the homework she have though, BUT, Rachel the slob will still be having fun and NOT caring about the homework and punishment she will receive on Monday, because, if her hands break because of too much beating, she can always sue that woman for being such a person.

I'm just pissed that I lost my cookies... BUT... I have new cookies, I'm happy now. ALMOST. The new cookies are... TOO SWEET... Curses... I lost my cookies!

Hope you're doing well, where will you be going next? Do I get more food? cause emm, I love food.

Anyway, it's almost 2am. Nighty-night!

Muaks, miss you, love you, be safe, come back soon!

Love, Rachel

Ending

Been a while since I last wrote my blog, so... Yea... Nothing much, nothing interesting during the days I didn't update my blog. Well... To tell the truth, I'm actually lazy. Although the seven months of practice sounded like hell to others, it wasn't to me even if I may have complained, but... I've never felt that I hated practice. Sure I'm lazy, but, I go for practice, don't I?

The last show of 2010 was yesterday at NATCOMP finals... We did great, I know we did. Even if we got 5th place, we didn't lose(I was kinda hoping for 1st place, but... Sad). 5th place isn't so bad, 78.85 isn't so bad. I was hoping that we'd get best percussion line... BUT... We didn't. I'm happy with everything else, I'm just not happy we didn't get best percussion line! ARGH! No offense, but... I thought that the ones who got best percussion line... Sucked. Can't argue about the CGs. Horn line... Sounded fine!

***

After the preparation... After the four bands have played, it's our turn. After the warm up, a few words of encouragement. I almost cried, but, decided not to. 'ENERGY! SPIRIT!' shouted DHT, 'TEAMWORK!' we finished the quote... 'ENERGY! SPIRIT!'... 'TEAMWORK!'... 'ENERGY! SPIRITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!'... 'TEAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWORK!' OK! Let's do it guys, c'mon, good luck, do your best!

My heart pounded, I felt like crying... I felt nervous. I closed my eyes, took deep breaths to calm myself up. The gates open, it's time... I can see the lights inside, I can hear the crowd inside. We're getting ready, the narrator(not sure what word to use ==) is speaking... The crowd is waiting... Finally... 'SMJK Nan Hwa from Perak, Sitiawan!' And I hear the cheers of the crowd, I closed my eyes, took another deep breath... Looking at him mouthing the words 'Good luck' and 'tap... tap... tap tap tap' We're going in. Only one thing in mind 'Do your best, don't look up until the end. Go. You can do it.'

Part one... Part two... Part three, my worst... Part four... END. I made it! I MADE IT! During the drum solo... Man, it was like a relief when I got to 'When you believe'.

***

Could it be? That this isn't the end of our 'Prince of Egypt' thing? We're maybe going to Johor? MAYBE? Well...



''Miracles don't happen, when you believe, thought hope is frail, it's hard to kill. Who knows what miracles, we can achieve, when we go to Johor, we will when we gooooo!''

By MemeMeRachel

OCTOPUS

I'm beginning to HATE Paul the octopus!




Damn it! I was supporting Germany(for no reason, maybe because I like Germany?) and it picked Spain to be the winning team! Betrayer of your own country you stupid OCTOPUS! Be careful NOT to end up on a plate!

I was gonna watch it at 2.30... BUT... I fell asleep XD

GERMANY!

My bro bet $30 on Spain, hey... He won... $10. They lowered the winning money cause of Paul, everyone's betting on Spain. Huh... My dad bet Germany... Lost... Damn... I don't know how much but... DAMN... $5000 on finals? I'm watching finals. Anyone wanna come my house to watch? xD Stop by McDonald's and get me a Happy Meal on the way here^^

Aww... My dad's going back to work this Monday... After finals... Damn... Two months already? He's gonna miss my birthday... AGAIN! That always happens! EVERY YEAR! ARGH! He'll be back in another 6 or 8 months...

He's in Kota Baru now... With grandma and aunt Iris... His dad is dying. Although I only met my dad's dad once... He is my grandpa after all... The one I have blood relations with anyway... He's dying...

...

I um... Homework... Poem... Later... Write it... Chinese...

Still...

DAMN YOU PAUL