Wednesday 21 July 2010

Aimlessly Expressing

I've always been me. And yet, I, don't like stuff normal people do, some say I'm weird and retarded, some just weird, others, retarded.

I don't like Facebook. Seriously, I'm bad at socializing. I don't really talk much cause I don't really know how to, and, I don't really see the point. I'm just weird...

People always say that being different is a good thing. Being different means being weird right? So... I don't get it. Maybe it's just me and my simple but very complicated mind.

Another thing, people always say 'Be honest!', I agree with that. But, it's hard. When I'm being truthful with people, they just say that I'm plain cold. When I lie to them, they tell me not to lie, when I lie, I'm trying to be nice. So, if you get anything harsh from me... Well... You asked me, and I'm being honest with you. Deal with the fact that you suck.

I don't know if NOT liking anyone is a weird thing. I don't even like my friends. I treat everyone the same. I don't like anyone, but I don't dislike anyone either, does this sound weird to you? But, I can never say 'NO' to anyone when they look miserable, or, when they smile at me... Gosh...

I don't know... I'm just plainly writing things out. I know it's late, I feel like sleeping, but, I don't want to. I don't feel right, and that's why I hope that this will help. It's only been 10 minutes... I can keep this up for an hour, but... I don't know why, I can't seem to figure out what I really want to say...

Maybe I'm just disappointed.

Maybe I'm just depressed.

Maybe I'm just sad.

Maybe I'm just mad.

Maybe it's because I know he's just gonna let himself down in the end that it makes me upset that I'm in love with such an idiot!

There's no point.

There's no way.

So why... Why?

There's a chance, even if it's less than 0.1%... He still believes in it...

Why...

Why...

Why...

Can't I be like him?

No.

I like the way I am, even if I lose hope easily, I believe more now. These 7 months of training wasn't a waste of time. I found myself again, I believe again... After a year, I have faith again.
I believe in myself, I believed in myself, that's why I was able to do everything I did for these 7 months. Even if I'm not that good of a player, I've improved, and I learnt many things... I've healed myself.

I want to say thank you...

To everyone who helped me...

Pissed me off...

Gave me advice...

Accepted me for who I am no matter how much of a weirdo and glutton I am...

For loving me when I only think about what's for dinner, mum and dad.

For being by my side for three years even if I made you guys cry, or locked you guys up on the balcony, Jess, Jesv, Ngor, Steph.

Thank you to all my friends.

Thank you...

NHMB

I may be leaving...

But...

Thank you...

Prince of Egypt... The time is now, the story is forever.

2010



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