Based on my most recent experience, I've come up with rules that one should follow when deciding on who they choose to love to minimize the heartbreak in case the relationship hits an iceberg, dramatically splits into half and sinks unceremoniously into the sea of failed bullshit. I used the term "choose to love" instead of "fall in love" because falling in love and making the whole ordeal seem inevitable and mythical, is a lie: we choose who we want to love. That is why when people break up, it is a conscious choice, the result of a conscious decision to stop loving somebody.
Let us begin with the guide that will pad your next heartbreak:
1. Find a guy who is ugly
If he is ugly, you won't be missing him when he says it's over. You won't be thinking of his face because it is repulsive in the first place. In fact, if you date somebody hideous, you'd be glad the relationship ended.
Unlike me at the moment, I want to gouge my eyes out because he is so handsome. I can't stand the thought of his wide smile and perfectly straight teeth, that chiseled jawline, balanced double-lids and deep pools of innocence. Hey, it is not as if I am looking at his pictures! NOT AT ALL! I just cannot forget his beautiful face! It is one that has made me smile whenever I look at it for the past 4 years so it is undoubtedly ingrained in my mind's eyes, unfortunate as I am. What I am afraid of is that it will always make me smile, even when it is not supposed to anymore.
Why do I need to gouge my eyes out? So I can't see him become more handsome and smile for someone else. The thought of that sends me punching my chest. I think I might cough up some blood if I keep this up.
2. Find a guy who you can stalk after the breakup
The most unbearable post-breakup feeling is being left in the dark of how the other is doing. One does not simply throw away the habit of caring for the other just because they have stopped being romantically involved. Hearing no news at all, it's almost as if they ceased to exist the moment they initiate the break up, as if they really died. They're not dead, so why should they act like they are? You can know nothing about them even though they're still living, breathing and having sex.
If that guy has a Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or even better, a blog, you can rest assure that you'll know how he's doing indirectly. Seeing pictures, status updates and blog posts will enlighten you and maybe even help you sort your own feelings out. Or else, you'll be like me, left with no traces whatsoever but the last seen on his WhatsApp and how many hours ago he last logged onto Battle.net. Pathetic, right? And here I am giving him all this shit to work with, which I'm not even sure he's paying attention to.
All in all, make sure he's a target that can be stalked.
3. Find a guy who is honest with you from the start about how he feels
This one is pretty much understood, isn't it? Even so, one can never be too sure about how a man feels. That is why it is important to establish that in the beginning. It won't work if you are the only one in love, woman!
I caution you if he is a delicate creature. They, the ones who can seemingly do no wrong are the ones who can hurt you the most. It is because your overzealous proclamations will stifle the doubt in their hearts in the beginning. Only stifle, never eradicating-- remember that. They will tell you they will try loving you and might even say that they love you, which maybe they do, but there comes a certain point where the stifled doubts will resurface. Then, it'll just go downhill all the way. Have you tried restoring a mountain after a landslide? With a scoop of dirt each day that will fall back down the very next, it will be a lost cause. Sticking a flower on top of the toppled mountain won't do you any good. Even if you try replacing the dirt with chocolate and spritz Versace all over it, you can't save it.
Suppose the lesson to be had here is to wait for the man to make the first move, or else he'll tell you after 4 years that he thinks he was forcing himself to love you when he knew it would never work out. Couldn't he have said that he loved me like a sister from the start!?
4. Find a guy who doesn't make you think that he is perfect from the start
Perfection exists not in this realm but when one is blinded by emotions and gleeful feelings, one believes in anything! Therefore, if your only thought is "he is perfect, I must have him" upon seeing him, know that it is going to be a doomed relationship. What sustains a relationship isn't perfection but the flaws we find lovable in each other. Sometimes, it's just too bad that your flaws aren't as appealing to him as his are to you.
5. Find a guy who is good at expressing himself
Good fucking luck with this one. If he isn't an published author, then he's not a man that can articulate his feelings and get them across to you. That is why I suggest dating women because we'd understand each other's emotional needs better.
I guess it can't be helped that the next ordinary male that happens across your path is one that lacks the ability to communicate the intangible tickles that come from his heart we call feelings. Patience is very much needed when dealing with the male species for even though we are biologically similar, it's no different than interacting with an unknown species. The movie Arrival shows you the necessary steps to facilitate effective communication: learn each other's language through different means and connect on a level beyond what you thought possible. But of course, once you break up, communication is no longer necessary. LOL.
That is all.
You think I'll follow my own advice? Haa... Jay Chou:
想回到过去试着抱你在怀里
羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你看的世界
想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜
想回到过去试着让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去
分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧
这样挽留不知还来不来得及
想回到过去
There'll always be regrets until you move on. It's just how the world works.
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