Normal, Different, Special?

Why can't we be like the others, I always say. Why do we have to, you always reply.

I find it weird, us.

I don't see anything wrong with it; I can't figure out what I want. What is lacking anyway? Isn't it already as good as it can be? We're not normal, that, I know. I won't call this special either. It feels like you're just babysitting me. Maybe... Maybe you are just babysitting me...

Sometimes, my overly detached heart causes me to lose everything.

 If it weren't for the bond we have, I'd be crying right now and my heart would be aching because of somebody I barely know, somebody I can't have. My easy to fall personality still hasn't changed, has it? It scares me sometimes to know that I still trip easily. You, my dear, is the only thing keeping me from falling completely. As the days go by, I realize how straight and normal I have become. My heart doesn't race for cute girls anymore, though I still fantasize about them.

I don't know how I find him attractive...

Momentary indiscretion.

Sigh.

Post #300

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Mary Had A Little Lamb is so complicated... Mozart, 12 Variations on the Theme.

I actually feel pretty good today.

Maybe I just needed a walk in the rain.

Turns out, they still care, I'm so happy. It was just me again, and because of some other people, I was barely visible. Anyway... I still love them, couldn't bring myself to dislike them even one bit. Hah. I'm such a good friend? =X

Mozart was gay?

Who knows... But if it's true, then I guess I know why I love him =D

Obviously cause he is wonderful, and his name is cool too. Wolfgang. It would be so cool if I had a grandpa named Wolfgang. Ludwig isn't half bad... But I would never name my children those... It would sound weird in this century, and... I don't even think that I want kids... We are a handful! But we're fun...?

Don't know.

Moonlight Sonata is making me so depressed all of a sudden. As for the Mini Marathon tomorrow, screw it, I'm not going. Please, I can't even run ONE full round during morning warm up. Even if I do participate in that event, I'll walk. Why are we forced again? I don't get it... If they wanna make it successful, they should have NEVER planned the Mini Marathon, that way, EVERYBODY will be happy.

And why is Sport's Day delaaaaayed ALL the way till JULY?!

UGH

Can't we just get everything over with? So that I can live in peace for the rest of the year? I already feel hopeless about my teachers, and I don't want to make myself feel hopeless about MYSELF.

Why... Aren't... There... Any... Messages...?!

Never mind... I'll be spending Valentine's Day alone anyway, like I do EVERY year. No wait... I don't spend it alone... I spend it with chocolate, and anime, and books... Ooh, this year, I'm gonna spend it with sushi... Cradle Song is making me damn sleepy. Thanks a lot  Brahms.

Why all the classical music?

Mum was very thoughtful, when she went on holiday, she bought a 5 in 1 classical music disc set. So... Might as well listen to it. I don't feel Gaga right now, I just wanna relax...

I'm feeling REAAAL sleepy now...

But... Why... Still no messages... Usually, by this time of Friday... There would be one... Demo nande? Machigatte iru mono wa arimasu ka? Watashi no henshin! Onegai... Ore ga shinpai shite iru! Baka! Henshin... Onegai... Anata wa daijoubute iru koto o oshiete kudasai... Oshite kudasai!

I'm guessing none of you got what I just wrote...? I don't think that I get it either... It's broken Japanese... Practice... I guess...

I'm Still Waiting... 

Bewwweweweweweeewww~

Sore demo ii... Orewa daijobun... Demo... Komenasai... Tanjoubi anata... Komenasai!!! Hontoni komen! >_<

I don't know what else to say. No, I seriously DON'T KNOW WHAT to say...

I'm so cold... I'm really cold... I'm shivering... And the AC isn't even on... BRRRR... What happened? Certainly not because of Coke... I haven't had Coke in a long time ^_^

Uwaaaaaaaa~

Once you think about something, you get worried and decide NOT to do it... But you know what? Just go for it... Like me... I said that I would be giving manga reading a rest... Well... When I actually read page one... I can't stop until I finish it. And about NOT watching BL anymore... Screw that too... Without it, I'd be tearless already. Ish. Love is a cruel thing, so... Watching homos feels good. Cause... Duuuuhhh... They're homos, you can't get jealous... Although... I do most of the time...

May I ask? How do you think I feel now?

Happy right!!!

Can you see through my words though... Am I happy?

Who knows...

WELL THEN...

The anime that I've download/watched... 97% of them are BL. On my computer, only 3 are those action/horror/boy-girl-romance... The rest... Yaoi~

WHAT?

At least it's better than taking drugs right?

I wonder when will the 3rd OVA for Koisuru Boukun be released~ Ah... Thank you Shin Yi for all the wonderful BL~ I was almost outta BL to watch. You saved me??? =D

What is it that I'm doing? I know damn well why I'm shivering. I always shiver when I'm holding something back. Just gotta get used to it I guess...

I turn my head to the East, I don't see nobody by my side.

I turn my head to the West, nobody in sight.

So I turn my head to the North, swallow that pill that they call pride...

The old me's dead and gone... But the new me's gonna be alright...

Ohh... I've been traveling on this road too long,

Just tryna find my way back home...

The old me's dead and gone...

Dead...

And...

Gone...

Guess everyone knows that song... I just kinda miss it... Reminds me of something...

Where will all the heartbrokenness go now.

Why do my eyes open so big and allow me to smile when I feel so much like doing the opposite.

Why is it that I wont allow myself to write what I really feel...

Why am I still smiling when I'm dying inside...

My head feels so heavy...

I just keep smiling... But... I'm sad...

Why wont I admit that I'm sad... Why do I continue to smile even when I'm alone with myself...

Why...

Why...

I don't know which is it...

I did say... Don't blame me for being selfish... That's why... I... But in the end... It was... It was actually worse than I had expected... If it was another person... I would have just told you straight... I didn't want you to know cause... Isn't it the best...?

Tell me...

Wouldn't you like to live like a kid... Being happy and all that...

They can be happy, because they don't know anything yet... And so... By not knowing anything... It would be just another boring day for me... Another year for you... We'd all be happy. I'd rather keep that to myself and  kill it slowly... But then... I just couldn't do it... I should have never said anything... I am sorry... For being so selfish... Then I guess you wont be needing the so-called present anymore...

Still...

Even if it wasn't you...

Urushi...

Although that pretty much did the worst.

I will kill him...

Sah...

He died when he was 30.
I never met him.
He was killed.
They were jealous.
They accused him of being a spy.
They dug a hole,
Threw him down,
Smashed him with rocks...
Until he died and nothing was left.
It took the others three days to find his remains...

Jealousy...

Luckily, I'm not worth it.

Being a nobody does have some advantages...

I will return to the shadows where I was first born...

Disaster... Not... Miracle... 

Him Over Fun, Fun Over Him?

Oh wow, why does everything have to be on the same day? FRIDAY...

Instrument cleaning, Ipoh trip... I can't decide, although, I pretty much did, I chose, something that nobody would, I chose to stay back, not because I really care about my trumpet, I don't really care about anything, really... I chose to stay back because I wanted to see him? Dammit.

I need some time away, I know that better than anyone, but... Just thinking about him, makes me wanna stay, going... Wouldn't that just mean that I'm running away? I don't know... Oh, great, I need help and everyone's either watching football, asleep or missing their girlfriend. Well, can't blame anyone, I'm the stupid one here.

Now, I know... Just when I needed her the most, she's in Thailand, I miss her stupid smile and messages that sometimes makes no sense at all. No, I'm not... UGH... I just want her to cheer me up and gimme advice that would ACTUALLY help... Well, guess not only her boyfriend misses her, I MISS HER TOO...

Oh yea? You'd recommend my blog for him? Well, in that case...

Hey, Hong Leong, I like you.

Well, how's this for ya'? NJX, recommend this anytime, take a picture if you want. It's in really BIG words... Haha, thank you, if you actually did...

Now, I kinda change my mind, I think I'm going to have fun instead of pinching myself to NOT cry, to... Um, help me concentrate. I don't know... It hurts so much, not the pinching... But, when I see him. It's not pain, it's... Um... I don't know, burning? Kinda like, I can't breathe, well, I don't know... It just hurts, without pain...

Finally, I wrote that out in big words in a place where people ACTUALLY sees. Um.

Anyways, if any of you happens to read this, leave a comment, say hi or whatever... Just let me know how many of you actually reads this, I'll be so happy, maybe... A Happy Meal for each? ^^

But, um, I'll only buy you guys Happy Meal during McValue Lunch~

I love you all. In a friendly kind of way. And a thank you line...