Chocolate

Sweet, chocolaty... Nutty... Nuts... Hazel nuts... Almonds...

CHOCOLATES

Let everybody's present be chocolates this year. If I hate you, you wont get anything, if you're my friend, you get a bar, if I love you, you get a box. And we all know who's gonna get the box... Obviously.

No? I'll give you a hint...

Nah... Maybe not... Obvious answer, let me see. The birthday two days before mine.

Enough?

Okay...

I just feel like giving everybody chocolate. I love nuts. Especially Hazels... And Almonds...

If you would want to receive a box from ME, when's your birthday? If it's over, I'm sorry, maybe Christmas...

Hm, I'm almost broke, and I want a new phone... And I have to use my own money to do stuff now... I... I forgot what I was gonna say.

I love myself.

Chocolate.

Ice Kacang Puppy Love

Nice movie, but... Not so nice ending.

Gotta have courage when it comes to love? Pass... I don't have courage.

As usual, my mum cried again. She does that EVERY TIME!

Ice Kacang... Ice Kacang... Ice Kacang... Suddenly, I feel like eating it. Where can I find one in the middle of the night? Any place that sells nice Ice Kacang? Or anything else that's good? Suggest please.

I'm no good at art, if I am, my collections will be drawings instead of words...

Hm.

Nothing much, my maid slipped this morning, she's in the hospital. I'm sick and tired of all the people around me getting hurt. And Lolli keeps cursing herself that she's the next one. I hope not, for her sake.

Um.

I still hate the ending.

WHY!

WHY!

WHY!

No, nobody died. In the end, nobody got who they loved, BUT, they did have a good life. I mean, the guy already has a girlfriend, but he still thinks of her. And the worse part? She was behind him the whole time... UGH... Damn endings...

LaLaLA~

If I have somebody that I love, I would... Nah, I don't know what I'd do.

If I have somebody that I like, I would... I don't know what I'd do either.

I know what I wont do.

I wont love him

I wont like him

I wont hate him

Sounds dumb, I know. But hey, I'm me. I'm naturally dumb, that's why I'm special, you don't see dumb people who are smart everyday, now do you?

I don't know, I still don't know...

I'm not moving on when I should be. I'm stuck, pull me out! SOMEBODY! HELP! But wait, there's nobody out there... My cry for help, unheard, my stuck self, unseen... Please... I just want to hug somebody I can never EVER hug. I'm sorry, he's still in my mind. When I said that I have moved on, I don't know... I wasn't lying... But, I think of him... I'm sorry.

• Red.

Ah... WTF? Again?

EGuess where I just came back from? Yes, the hospital. AGAIN! This time, it was my uncle and aunt. They're fine, no need to worry, no broken bones or anything.

Why do people keep getting themselves into accidents? We met my bro's three friends in the emergency room. One was in bad condition. He had his upper stitched back, it kinda fell... That's what his mum told my mum anyway.

And you know what's funnier?

A 16 year old Indian fella was like half dead cause he drank too much. Why? His girlfriend didn't want him anymore. This, another Indian guy told us. What a dumb guy. He almost died because his girlfriend ran away? AH! COME ON!

I spent so long at the hospital... I didn't even know what I was doing. Hm... About... 2 hours plus.

People around me gets hurt all the time! I just wonder, who will the next one be? And who will die next month? Damned fate. If they didn't go for supper, none of this would've happened. But, whatever, since it already happened... Then... It happened.

I don't know, I still haven't forgotten the way my uncle treated me when I was in kindergarten. He would buy candy and crackers for me all the time. He treats me so well. I... I don't know how I can repay him, he's so kind. I just don't know, I mean, when I see him lying there... I don't know what to say... Just want him to know that I haven't forgotten his kindness.

Hm. What happened at the hospital? Long story.

But, to cut a long story short, let's just say that my aunt was like a drunk. She blabbers non stop and everyone happens to laugh. Even the doctor. And the Navy people who knocked them down...

Very long story. She keeps going on about what went wrong... Blah blah blah... How it happened... OMG...

Right, I'm sleepy. More details will be in my book.

Em.

I'm gonna go watch Nightmare On Elm Street when it comes out. Anyone wants to come? Maybe my mum will watch too... I don't know...

I miss somebody, but I can't think of who I'm missing. I don't know who I'm missing. I just miss someone. I don't know. Feels weird, it's like I'm missing a thing... A thing I just couldn't let go of...

• Peace.

OMG, really long post about EVERYTHING

Just looking... Checking... Ya, Kiko died on June 25th last year, gonna have a lilo' party for the cute baby this year. June 25th, his 1 year death anniversary. My dogs and my sister's hamster will be celebrating too, yea, probably just the five of us... Bruno, Angel, Max and Fufu and me.

Today was rather... Usual. But I was unusually gloomy today, maybe there's something to do with the weather? Today IS dark... If felt like hours when it was only like what? 45 minutes? Damn, I just hate tight spaces, why? I get knocked even more. As if I'm not stepped on and knocked enough in wider spaces. Why do the spaces have to be so damn close? Eh! I'm no slim pig! Pigs can't be slim even if they wanted to!

I just HATE seeing his face. That's why I look at the ground more, and thank God he's taller, I could stare straight without having to see his face. Don't get any wrong ideas here, there are many many many tall people in the world. Just a little tip, he's 14 too. Yea, obviously, it's him. Not a word, I prefer not to murder him in the field with my paper knife, that would make me look bad.

Why?

Why?

WHY?

I have no fucking idea why. And yes, I haven't used 'fuck' for a while... I try to be as polite as possible when I'm... Thinking...

I just... I don't know. I never wanted anything for myself, and whenever I have my shot at doing something, I get afraid and I'd let somebody else take my chance. I never wanted anything, I never wanted this, but since I was so damn stupid... I actually WANT this now... I don't know. I have nobody to blame but myself, if I had said no, I wont have my problems now... Well, if I said no then, I'll have even bigger problems, I'll be throwing flags around and when I miss, I get the blame... AGAIN... So I guess this is an EASIER choice. I don't wanna toot my own horn, but, I'm pretty good, I got both things I don't want and I'm proud of myself for who I am, even if I will probably live until the end PMR cause if I don't get As for my Math and Science... Hallelujah... My grandpa will be killing me...

I hope he was drunk when he told me that... Oh... He kept repeating ''I better kill you if you don't''... Gosh... It sucks when your grandparents are all retired teachers, and you know what's worse? My grandpa used to be the head discipline in Nan Hwa while my uncle was like what? The... I don't know which principal of Nan Hwa. They expect you to be smart, just because they are!

And my mum? Ex piano teacher. They all like teaching people... What is their problem? I suck at playing Sonatinas... And she is like... UFF! Every time I get something wrong... She'll start... No, no, not like that, like this. Then she starts showing off. Ya,ya, big deal, I can play other pieces...

I don't know how I got the whole topic changed... I get carried away sometimes... When I talk, write... Blah...

Um...

That long and you guys still wont forget about that? COME ON! HE isn't my first crush OK? The whole thing was... Blah... Long story, don't wanna know. Still... My mistake for doing what I did. Ugh! I'm such a bitch!

...

I have nothing more to say, nothing is ever too late right? Just... I don't want to. Not now anyway. I had enough last year, I just want this year to be more quiet.

I know, I've changed a freaking lot, I'm colder now, aren't I? I'm more heartless than I was before, admit it, I've set you guys off a lot of times. I'm just me, like I said, I'm a bitch. At least I admit this to myself, this way, they will have nothing to say...

I'm not gonna say sorry for who I am though, I'm just gonna say sorry to those I've hurt a lot... And trust me, A LOT... And to some, I just want to be alone, I cleared everything, although I may dream of being together with someone, I just don't have time for anything or anyone. I love my work more. I love my friends more. I love my family more. And a thank you to someone who may not know I'm thanking him, and we're not close, and we don't really talk, his advice in the past helped me a lot, past and present.

I just want to be alone.

Straw, I'm sorry, I just realized, I'm treating you like you're invisible, I didn't really talk to you. I just... Don't like talking about relationships anymore, I'm done. I don't like talking about people I like, people I hate... Relationships... Love... I'm sorry, I just can't be like I use to.

Orange, I know, you think that I hate you, but I don't. I don't hate the... Few of you. I just sometimes, you know, have mood issues.

Lolli, you're the one who understands most, you understand even when I make no sense at all. Just well, to tell you guys the truth... I prefer treating you guys like normal. Just well, I don't like treating people special. Even my guy, I hate treating people differently. I am ME.

That's all I guess, I need to apologize don't I? If I don't... I'll just end up alone again. And they are the bestest, and ya, Yellow Old Cow too. They've been the bestest when even the close people during primary changed and forgot about us...

Well... I... Seriously need to SHUT UP!

This is a long thing... I'm sure nobody's reading.

Well, okay then...

I'll Shut Up Now.

The World According To Me

Peace, Love, Happiness

The world is a place where everything is possible. The world WAS a safe place and because of the people now, the world is unsafe. The world is still a happy place, but with growing problems.

Don't you just wish that you could be 3 again? No problems, no nothing, just playing in the mud and pulling earthworms every rainy day, running around the park every sunny day? Being naive and thinking that the world around you is always rainbows and butterflies? Those were the times when you didn't know anything, and just lived life as it is. No thinking, no stress... 3 year-olds don't get stressed.

Hm. Now... You know stuff, you will never see the world like you use to. To me, the world is just a giant ball with good and evil on it. And then one day, we all die. Everybody's gotta die someday.

The world was never like this to me, and believe me, I saw the world... When I was little, I would go with daddy to work, mostly a month or two. All I ever thought of the world was fun, fun and fun. I use to love the attention, but now, I hate attention. I use to love making friends, but now, I just want to stay away from everyone.

All this change is because of people, and what I've gone through over the years. I still enjoy the NATURAL beauty of the world, If only we were all trees and the world was human-less...

Right...

The place I'd rather be right now? Out at sea. Been years since I last went on board. Damn company policies. What I'd be doing now if I were? Standing outside and looking at nothing but the darkness and enjoying the night breeze, and of course, with a cup of coffee and writing something. You know what would be better? If it were snowing...

Mm. Miss those days. Damn company policies... I wont burn the microwave again... Besides... It was my brother... I think...

Yea...

Bottom line, the world ain't half bad, I just hate the people living on it, including me.