Plays after plays I see them on stage, while I sit quietly in the audience. My buttocks hurt, the benches aren't cushioned and it is cramped up in this Pit. I smell the woman next to me, she is wearing black. We're in a vault, the trains running above us. The spotlight bounces off of her face and I wonder if one day the ceiling would give way and the train would slip through the cracks. The stage is small, very small. I suppose I wouldn't pay to be here though it isn't half bad. A place that catches one's attention, yes, underneath the Underground, but the plays... Maybe I'd just explore the bar next time, with him. I didn't pay today, no, I was invited by my flatmates, extra tickets because a friend bailed: hoes before bros. But I don't know him.
On going on night walks through this city I know not well enough to describe: The bridges, so many to choose from, all within a walking range from where I am and will be for a few months more. With who, that is the question? But it is out of the question. In the night when the wind blows, only behind doors will I feel satisfied. Those strolls that I have taken after dark with another I know not well enough to speak of, they still bother me. The possibilities that they lay bear before me-- endless. How many days and how many nights and how many of them could there be if-- only if. I don't suppose I'll ever forget a name like that. I still buy grapes every time I visit the supermarket.
"爱在月光下完美"
I listen to Jay more and more these days, though I replay the same old songs that I loved and love. Should I venture more into the world of Mandarin pop? There certainly is no harm in doing so as my mind is already as corrupted as the regrets that inspire their work. Maybe I'm just afraid of finding disappointment in that world.
The emotions are strong this evening. I look at the bus ticket that has been pinned up since Monday and the crooked crosses marking down the days to the Friday I would leave this town until the next Monday morning. I'd say I'm going home but home is far away but it feels like home to me and I feel at home: I know the smell, I love its scent and I love the people there who trust me with their keys, dog and son.
0004: "Do you want Domino's?"
Supper. It reminds me of my nights in Malaysia, the months I refused to go home because of sheer stubbornness and pride. Arabic food, Mamak food and that one unfortunate time at that Korean bar with alcoholics who wanted to play a drinking game. My African brother needs to join me in this part of the world.
0025: There is no reply.
Off, off, I go. Glittery eyes, but puffy.
Showing posts with label Past. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Past. Show all posts
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Monday, 3 June 2013
Waking Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed
Clearly, I've woken up in a bad mental state. When all I should feel is overly-attached to my pillows, blankets and very soft bed, rolling in bed first thing in the morning seems to be the last thing on my mind at the moment. I could even feel the frown on my face. My eyebrows are a bit sore from joining together since I've yet to do my unhappy-face warm-ups-- after all, I just woke up.
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed-- literally. I tucked myself in nicely last night, sleeping in the center of my queen-sized mattress, but when I opened my eyes this morning, my legs were touching the cold tiles, only a part of my head was resting on the edge of the bed while some of it rested in thin air. Somehow, during my eight-hour sleep, I managed to rotate ninety-degrees.
"When you get yourself into a sticky situation, you can either try your best to pull yourself out or get sucked in deeper." I told myself a week ago. These days, my Facebook statuses are often pieces of my frustration. After updating each quotable status, I write a blog post with them as my base. Mum has been posting pictures of quotes on my wall; it seems that she gets the feeling that I have trouble letting go. I won't deny the fact that I have the memory of an elephant when it comes to regrets and mistakes, since I remember even the slightest distortion in my life from more than a decade ago. The reason why I can't forget is because I always want to undo the things I've done. I was a spoiled brat. I wish I hadn't jumped on the bed that afternoon, she wouldn't have... if I just listened to her and stopped jumping... Yes, I still remember very vividly the afternoon. Her, resting on the old mattress, the round-table lunch going on outside the door, laughter and very loud chatter... Blood, vomit, clanking of bowls, tears, flustered people and the guilt that enveloped my heart... Even as a child, I blamed myself.
I should stop.
By posting that quote on my wall, my mum has made me ten times more depressed. It isn't a very positive post, if you ask me!
I want everything to last forever. That's just me. I believe that they can last forever. We just have to put effort in them, so they can continue to walk with us along our paths, be there until the very end. Sometimes, I'll desperately hold on to the things I don't want to lose, even after knowing that they're never coming back. I'm scared. I really am scared. It's only a matter of time before my ship gets wrecked again, I'm sailing right into the typhoon because I'm ridiculously courageous. I know what the outcome will be, yet I'm sailing full-speed ahead. Fuck myself, I know. This tantalizing taste of excitement is truly something that would cause the end of me someday.
Every time a person disappears from my life, my heart would break a little. No matter how insignificant or worthless they may be, I'd still feel hurt. I still have faith in humanity, if not, I wouldn't be this silly little girl that's still wearing rose-coloured glasses.
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed-- literally. I tucked myself in nicely last night, sleeping in the center of my queen-sized mattress, but when I opened my eyes this morning, my legs were touching the cold tiles, only a part of my head was resting on the edge of the bed while some of it rested in thin air. Somehow, during my eight-hour sleep, I managed to rotate ninety-degrees.
"When you get yourself into a sticky situation, you can either try your best to pull yourself out or get sucked in deeper." I told myself a week ago. These days, my Facebook statuses are often pieces of my frustration. After updating each quotable status, I write a blog post with them as my base. Mum has been posting pictures of quotes on my wall; it seems that she gets the feeling that I have trouble letting go. I won't deny the fact that I have the memory of an elephant when it comes to regrets and mistakes, since I remember even the slightest distortion in my life from more than a decade ago. The reason why I can't forget is because I always want to undo the things I've done. I was a spoiled brat. I wish I hadn't jumped on the bed that afternoon, she wouldn't have... if I just listened to her and stopped jumping... Yes, I still remember very vividly the afternoon. Her, resting on the old mattress, the round-table lunch going on outside the door, laughter and very loud chatter... Blood, vomit, clanking of bowls, tears, flustered people and the guilt that enveloped my heart... Even as a child, I blamed myself.
I should stop.
Everything in life is temporary. So, if things are going good, enjoy it because it won't last forever. And if things are going bad, don't worry. It can't last forever either.
By posting that quote on my wall, my mum has made me ten times more depressed. It isn't a very positive post, if you ask me!
I want everything to last forever. That's just me. I believe that they can last forever. We just have to put effort in them, so they can continue to walk with us along our paths, be there until the very end. Sometimes, I'll desperately hold on to the things I don't want to lose, even after knowing that they're never coming back. I'm scared. I really am scared. It's only a matter of time before my ship gets wrecked again, I'm sailing right into the typhoon because I'm ridiculously courageous. I know what the outcome will be, yet I'm sailing full-speed ahead. Fuck myself, I know. This tantalizing taste of excitement is truly something that would cause the end of me someday.
Every time a person disappears from my life, my heart would break a little. No matter how insignificant or worthless they may be, I'd still feel hurt. I still have faith in humanity, if not, I wouldn't be this silly little girl that's still wearing rose-coloured glasses.
Saturday, 20 April 2013
Losing my Rose-Coloured Glasses
I don't know what to do anymore these days.
There isn't enough material to write a blog post, nor can I pull myself together to write something else other than my heartbreak. Study? Oh no, I don't want to because... I just don't want to.
All that I can do these days is cry.
For months I've been doing so. When I still had you, I cried. When I lost you, I cried. I've always wondered why babies cry, but now, I finally got my answer. I feel like I've just stepped into a new world, where everything is unknown to me. I'm lost. I don't know where to go and I can't find my guide; no one's holding my hand anymore. I cry. I cry in hopes that maybe you'll come back and carry me home... No, the tears that stream down my face are the lies that I once comfort myself with.
WRONG.
It's too late for us.
I'm on a treadmill, unwilling to move forward and afraid of looking at the past. Still stuck at the time when we called it love, I avoid what has become my reality and build up false hopes that I will get you back again. That is why I cry. I know I will never get you back. I want to get you back.
Whenever I approach you now, it hurts. It feels absurd even. I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. You've become something that floats on the border of my sanity. You have died, yet I keep on looking for you, talking to you! This guilty pleasure of mine collapses on me a thousand folds, making me suffer and weep in your absence.
Where has that confidence of mine gone?
Weeks ago, words written boldly in green "I'm going to get you back" were written by the same hand that is writing this blog post now.
I've lost my motivation.
I've lost my inspiration.
The only thing that's left is my imagination.
I regret nothing as I gave with love and trusted you then. I cry because I've lost my rose-coloured glasses and the feeling of assurance, not because of what you've done. I realise now that everything WAS beautiful. The afternoon sun, the buzzing of the fan, the old sofa set outside, the chirping of birds on the palm trees and the afternoon naps before practices... What was weather when I had you? What was time when you were by my side? What was anything at all when you were mine...
I'm not afraid of separation.
I'm just afraid of you ending up with someone else.
Days have gone by,
weeks have passed,
but my tears have yet to dry and you are still the reason why.
There isn't enough material to write a blog post, nor can I pull myself together to write something else other than my heartbreak. Study? Oh no, I don't want to because... I just don't want to.
All that I can do these days is cry.
For months I've been doing so. When I still had you, I cried. When I lost you, I cried. I've always wondered why babies cry, but now, I finally got my answer. I feel like I've just stepped into a new world, where everything is unknown to me. I'm lost. I don't know where to go and I can't find my guide; no one's holding my hand anymore. I cry. I cry in hopes that maybe you'll come back and carry me home... No, the tears that stream down my face are the lies that I once comfort myself with.
"It's never too late to make it right..."
WRONG.
It's too late for us.
I'm on a treadmill, unwilling to move forward and afraid of looking at the past. Still stuck at the time when we called it love, I avoid what has become my reality and build up false hopes that I will get you back again. That is why I cry. I know I will never get you back. I want to get you back.
Whenever I approach you now, it hurts. It feels absurd even. I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. You've become something that floats on the border of my sanity. You have died, yet I keep on looking for you, talking to you! This guilty pleasure of mine collapses on me a thousand folds, making me suffer and weep in your absence.
Where has that confidence of mine gone?
Weeks ago, words written boldly in green "I'm going to get you back" were written by the same hand that is writing this blog post now.
I've lost my motivation.
I've lost my inspiration.
The only thing that's left is my imagination.
I regret nothing as I gave with love and trusted you then. I cry because I've lost my rose-coloured glasses and the feeling of assurance, not because of what you've done. I realise now that everything WAS beautiful. The afternoon sun, the buzzing of the fan, the old sofa set outside, the chirping of birds on the palm trees and the afternoon naps before practices... What was weather when I had you? What was time when you were by my side? What was anything at all when you were mine...
I'm not afraid of separation.
I'm just afraid of you ending up with someone else.
Days have gone by,
weeks have passed,
but my tears have yet to dry and you are still the reason why.
Monday, 4 July 2011
Sunday BLUES
Somehow, my Sundays are always gloomier than Mondays. It's like "Dude... I slept at 6 yesterday, and today you want me to get up at 6?!" I always hate the feeling.
I could have fell asleep, if only I didn't have Nescafe during tea just now. Ah and I thought I could fall asleep at 10pm, it's one and a half hour pass ten...
SIGH...
I blabbered so much on the phone, I didn't even care that there was NOBODY on the line. I just kept on talking to myself, hoping for a reply which I knew would never come. In the end, I pressed the DISCONNECT button on the pink bean-shaped phone. Funny... Wasn't there nobody on the line...?
After hanging up... I couldn't make myself sleep. I felt so desperate, I wanted to do something, anything at all, but when I got out of bed, I realized that there is nothing else left for me to do. The glowing screen on my desk, tempting... So I sat down on the hard chair which made squeaky noises every time I moved my butt. Annoying.
What else to do... I feel so demotivated.
Facebook... 0 Notifications, 0 Inbox.
What happened to the Inbox (1) I wonder... I really miss that. But I guess... We're both just busy.
Clicking... Clicking... Clicking...
Ended up on Blogger again, because I didn't feel like OMGPOP-ing or playing Aveyond. I know that if I logged on, I would never go to sleep. I didn't go to Omegle, because I don't wanna talk with strangers anymore, it scares me... Unlike before. I miss Farragomate, but what to do? It's just so unpopular that nobody plays it. I would check my G-Mail, but I know that my inbox would be empty, it's been almost a year or two since that person e-mailed me. Then what about Hotmail? It would be filled with Facebook notifications and spam mails instead of REAL e-mails. I thought about watching anime, but I'd just get in trouble if I wake my mum up in the next room.
Stumbled upon a video on somebody's blog, so watched it on Youtube.
Strangers, Again.
Some of the parts reminded me of myself, the things I'd say when I was unhappy. I think... I'm the one screwing things up, Stage 4, choose how to get through it. But I guess... I'm doing everything wrong, I wonder if it's okay to try to fix things... But... It's going to be harder now. We are both going to get busier starting tomorrow. It wont be like "Honey, I'm home, call me", I'd just take a look at my phone, see if there's any messages. The thing that hurts me the most is looking at my wallpaper when I peek at my phone, because... There's Mr.Haha and my specs, with no messages or anything, just a blank, lonely picture. The thing that gets me frustrated is that I always get messages from DIGI, instead of the person I want to get texts from.
Another regular Monday for me, a new semester for him.
We wont be able to spend that much time together anymore, it'll be like last time, good-nights at 10. The difference between NOW and BEFORE... Looking at my previous journals, I laugh at myself. "I will never EVER fall for that guy! He is such a bitch! I WON'T EVER EVER LOVE A GUY LIKE HIM!", look where I am now... Look where you are now, RACHEL CHEONG!
I will go flip through the memories of 09 again, the time when Red was everything I cared about, the time when you were the only one I relied on... Funny, I've always relied on you, even now...
Stupid as I am and was...
Good night.
Refreshing my memories for a bit so I can mail my latest journal ASAP!
MemeMeRachel_0008
I could have fell asleep, if only I didn't have Nescafe during tea just now. Ah and I thought I could fall asleep at 10pm, it's one and a half hour pass ten...
SIGH...
I blabbered so much on the phone, I didn't even care that there was NOBODY on the line. I just kept on talking to myself, hoping for a reply which I knew would never come. In the end, I pressed the DISCONNECT button on the pink bean-shaped phone. Funny... Wasn't there nobody on the line...?
After hanging up... I couldn't make myself sleep. I felt so desperate, I wanted to do something, anything at all, but when I got out of bed, I realized that there is nothing else left for me to do. The glowing screen on my desk, tempting... So I sat down on the hard chair which made squeaky noises every time I moved my butt. Annoying.
What else to do... I feel so demotivated.
Facebook... 0 Notifications, 0 Inbox.
What happened to the Inbox (1) I wonder... I really miss that. But I guess... We're both just busy.
Clicking... Clicking... Clicking...
Ended up on Blogger again, because I didn't feel like OMGPOP-ing or playing Aveyond. I know that if I logged on, I would never go to sleep. I didn't go to Omegle, because I don't wanna talk with strangers anymore, it scares me... Unlike before. I miss Farragomate, but what to do? It's just so unpopular that nobody plays it. I would check my G-Mail, but I know that my inbox would be empty, it's been almost a year or two since that person e-mailed me. Then what about Hotmail? It would be filled with Facebook notifications and spam mails instead of REAL e-mails. I thought about watching anime, but I'd just get in trouble if I wake my mum up in the next room.
Stumbled upon a video on somebody's blog, so watched it on Youtube.
Strangers, Again.
Some of the parts reminded me of myself, the things I'd say when I was unhappy. I think... I'm the one screwing things up, Stage 4, choose how to get through it. But I guess... I'm doing everything wrong, I wonder if it's okay to try to fix things... But... It's going to be harder now. We are both going to get busier starting tomorrow. It wont be like "Honey, I'm home, call me", I'd just take a look at my phone, see if there's any messages. The thing that hurts me the most is looking at my wallpaper when I peek at my phone, because... There's Mr.Haha and my specs, with no messages or anything, just a blank, lonely picture. The thing that gets me frustrated is that I always get messages from DIGI, instead of the person I want to get texts from.
Another regular Monday for me, a new semester for him.
We wont be able to spend that much time together anymore, it'll be like last time, good-nights at 10. The difference between NOW and BEFORE... Looking at my previous journals, I laugh at myself. "I will never EVER fall for that guy! He is such a bitch! I WON'T EVER EVER LOVE A GUY LIKE HIM!", look where I am now... Look where you are now, RACHEL CHEONG!
I will go flip through the memories of 09 again, the time when Red was everything I cared about, the time when you were the only one I relied on... Funny, I've always relied on you, even now...
Stupid as I am and was...
Good night.
Refreshing my memories for a bit so I can mail my latest journal ASAP!
To have a lot, or nothing at all.If it were you?A lot, or nothing at all?
MemeMeRachel_0008
Friday, 5 November 2010
Me. Passing Time Post. Dark.
Ever watched Jigoku Shoujo? Or READ Jigoku Shoujo? No? Then I suggest you do. Well... I don't know if the writer has A LOT of enemies or that the writer just happens to have all kinds of unpleasant encounters with unpleasant people... Or maybe the writer just sees the ugly side of people.
I USED TO BE a people person... Or so I thought. But then... I don't know... I've never really liked people, they sorta repel me and treat me like the invisible kid. I thought that kids are hyperactive and all... Friendly?! But... You know... I hated this person and her sister when I was FIVE YEARS OLD... And you know what? I still don't like them... I don't know what this is called. I don't have anything against them... Now anyway. But when I was five... I HATED THEM.
LOL
I am not going to talk about 'WHEN I WAS FIVE'~
Then... Let's see... Either my memories got problem... Or most of the people I know have memory issues. Whatever. I could care less. I just know one thing... I never really liked people. No matter how friendly I try to be... They just... Look at me like I'm some worthless little thing, roll their eyes and walk away. How stuck up can people get? I dress poorly, doesn't mean that I am poor, okay? Dude, I wear Nike!You probably don't see it because your nose is too high up!
Nothing's change.
I'm probably colder now, a bit emotionless and a loner. Not to mention an otaku. But, my thoughts about people are still the same. We're all liars. We get jealous, we get revengeful, we are greedy, we are lusty and not one person in this world, is considered pure. Once you are born, you are no longer pure. Touched by the hands of the impure, tainted by them...
I should stop reading occult books... But, like I've said before, I hate religion. So, I don't care what religion you are... Maybe except... *AHEM* babi *AHEM*... The rest is fine with me =D
People don't get what they deserve. Nothing is fair. So... Just hold it in right? It soon becomes a grudge. But what if... That grudge... Is unbearable? What will do? What will you do? To make that person disappear ... What will you do?
Well... I've heard that Jigoku Shoujo REALLY exists, Russell Lee confirms it... Jigoku Shoujo... Really exists... Somebody got sent to Hell... But, it was an anonymous submit... Or did he just didn't want us to ask her 'how'... Who knows...
Most people aren't like me... Reading about the occult, ghost stories,reading manga, watching anime, playing visual novels and RPG games and sitting in front of the laptop 24/7. Sure, nobody reads creepy stuff... Give it a try, you'll learn much more than what you learn in the worthless education center called 'school'.
I have no idea. I'm just me.
I'm a weirdo. So? If you don't like me, stay away, don't insult... Before you get hurt. Or...*Evil Smile*...
野分。。。野分。。。野分。。。
He's just so sweet and patient...
Hiro-san is like me somehow... Hot tempered and doesn't like listening to people, as long as the outer shell doesn't crack, and as long as I have my pride... I don't care if people don't like me... As long as there are people who understands... That's enough... I'm waiting for my Nowaki...
See... Even BL makes me jealous. I'm hopeless.
Continuing Chaos;HEAd@2045
MemeMe@Rae-chan
Sunday, 31 October 2010
The Type of Person I am
I'm eating a caramel apple, and writing this+Facebook =D
Sweet~
Honestly, what do you do at a party? Or a nightclub? Dance like there's no tomorrow? Hang with friends, or just sitting alone at the bar drinking, and thinking about your life? And having only the bartender talking to you and making you drinks...
Well, it's obvious what I'd do. Judging by my personality, most of you already know that I'd be drinking alone, and thinking. I don't really know what the hell is wrong with me either, and now, I'm typing with one hand, and a friggin chopstick!Cause I'm eating my caramel apple. So... Even with the music volume to the max, people on the dance floor really high, people making out in a corner... I just sit there, drink, drink, and ignore everything else, and think about myself. I know... What a NICE place to be contemplating ==
People who dance, are really people who dance. It's not easy, I envy how they move their bodies to the beat, and stomp their feet according to the beat, and change in just a sec if the music changes. Ah... I wonder... Were they lesbians? Or were they just too high? One really looked like a stripper though... And speaking about lesbians, Ipoh has TONS of em'. Earlier this afternoon at Jusco, WOW, it's like... LESBIAN TOWN... The bartender danced sexily, man... Is he gay too? xD
Right.
After... Six freaking hours at a freaking Halloween party, I didn't even know what I was doing! And wow... Six hours... Time passes so fast when you're drinking. OI! I wasn't drinking anything that would make you drunk... I was drinking... Some punch... Shandy, and... Plain water. Of course, let's not forget the food. Didn't eat much anyway... Didn't have the appetite, and that cheap wig was in my way.
Wigs are expensive. The cheapest God damned wig I bought cost me 35.90 or something, and man, I have to say... It was hard to handle... I wonder how fluffy I would feel if I bought the 370 one... I would never buy such an expensive piece of hair! Even if it's Lady GaGa style T^T
*SIGH*
I never knew I could be such a boring person... I mean... I know I'm not enthusiastic about things, but... I don't even like partying... Count the partying activity this holiday out... I'll just stay home with my laptop, even without the internet, I have my many visual novels standing by. I have some problems with the Symphonic Rain and Chaos;Head visual novels... They don't work!
Anyone here a computer geek? I'm looking for someone who knows how to fix these things! Computer, software... Whatever computer related thingy! Anyone? ANYONE AT ALL? T^T
Everyone changes. I guess I just don't like that... Maybe... I just want things to stay the same forever...
The people who you hang around with, affects you the most. You may, or may not know it... But, when you finally sit down and think... You will realize the difference between how you WERE and how you ARE now... There's a big difference.
Kindergarten... Primary.... And now secondary school...
I didn't have much friends when I was a kid. I was afraid of people. But when I was eleven, I think I started making friends...
Twelve... Best friends...
Last year and this year, not much difference.
Yeah... Sure... Forever... More like... For now...
There's nothing in common anymore... There's nothing that we could share, you'd rather be with them than me right? Those older ones? I never told you I hated them, did I? I just walked away and spent the hours alone, at times, I would join you, but... It seemed like I didn't matter. When I went back, there wasn't even a good-bye...
Will be reading some poems when I'm free... Bought literature books today... Bought Shakespeare's complete collection too... I know... I'm emo... And while people buy cute Moody Bear, I buy...
Pics from Google, same style, color, but, different bear shape... I think this is the original, while Moody Bear is a fake... No wonder so cheap... But, whatever, Moody Bear has a cuter shape xD
See, it's cuter than being square in some places~
When my bro saw what I bought, he was like "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU SISTER?!"
While my mom... "Ewww... That's scary... Why are you like this? Eww..."
==
I bought a cute red demon stuffed toy too... And that... Made them... "Owh, she's just hopeless..." And while me and my sisters went for the Halloween party, they went to church ==
I don't need exorcism, I'm fine!
OH SHIT!0334 ＡＬＲＥＡＤＹ! I HAVE A FUCKING FACIAL APPOINTMENT AT 0900 LATER ON... MOM, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PICK SUCH A GREAT DAY?! FUCCKKKKK!
レイチェル＠０３４０
Sweet~
Honestly, what do you do at a party? Or a nightclub? Dance like there's no tomorrow? Hang with friends, or just sitting alone at the bar drinking, and thinking about your life? And having only the bartender talking to you and making you drinks...
Well, it's obvious what I'd do. Judging by my personality, most of you already know that I'd be drinking alone, and thinking. I don't really know what the hell is wrong with me either, and now, I'm typing with one hand, and a friggin chopstick!Cause I'm eating my caramel apple. So... Even with the music volume to the max, people on the dance floor really high, people making out in a corner... I just sit there, drink, drink, and ignore everything else, and think about myself. I know... What a NICE place to be contemplating ==
People who dance, are really people who dance. It's not easy, I envy how they move their bodies to the beat, and stomp their feet according to the beat, and change in just a sec if the music changes. Ah... I wonder... Were they lesbians? Or were they just too high? One really looked like a stripper though... And speaking about lesbians, Ipoh has TONS of em'. Earlier this afternoon at Jusco, WOW, it's like... LESBIAN TOWN... The bartender danced sexily, man... Is he gay too? xD
Right.
After... Six freaking hours at a freaking Halloween party, I didn't even know what I was doing! And wow... Six hours... Time passes so fast when you're drinking. OI! I wasn't drinking anything that would make you drunk... I was drinking... Some punch... Shandy, and... Plain water. Of course, let's not forget the food. Didn't eat much anyway... Didn't have the appetite, and that cheap wig was in my way.
Wigs are expensive. The cheapest God damned wig I bought cost me 35.90 or something, and man, I have to say... It was hard to handle... I wonder how fluffy I would feel if I bought the 370 one... I would never buy such an expensive piece of hair! Even if it's Lady GaGa style T^T
*SIGH*
I never knew I could be such a boring person... I mean... I know I'm not enthusiastic about things, but... I don't even like partying... Count the partying activity this holiday out... I'll just stay home with my laptop, even without the internet, I have my many visual novels standing by. I have some problems with the Symphonic Rain and Chaos;Head visual novels... They don't work!
Anyone here a computer geek? I'm looking for someone who knows how to fix these things! Computer, software... Whatever computer related thingy! Anyone? ANYONE AT ALL? T^T
Everyone changes. I guess I just don't like that... Maybe... I just want things to stay the same forever...
The people who you hang around with, affects you the most. You may, or may not know it... But, when you finally sit down and think... You will realize the difference between how you WERE and how you ARE now... There's a big difference.
Kindergarten... Primary.... And now secondary school...
I didn't have much friends when I was a kid. I was afraid of people. But when I was eleven, I think I started making friends...
Twelve... Best friends...
Last year and this year, not much difference.
- BFF
Yeah... Sure... Forever... More like... For now...
There's nothing in common anymore... There's nothing that we could share, you'd rather be with them than me right? Those older ones? I never told you I hated them, did I? I just walked away and spent the hours alone, at times, I would join you, but... It seemed like I didn't matter. When I went back, there wasn't even a good-bye...
Will be reading some poems when I'm free... Bought literature books today... Bought Shakespeare's complete collection too... I know... I'm emo... And while people buy cute Moody Bear, I buy...
Pics from Google, same style, color, but, different bear shape... I think this is the original, while Moody Bear is a fake... No wonder so cheap... But, whatever, Moody Bear has a cuter shape xD
See, it's cuter than being square in some places~When my bro saw what I bought, he was like "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU SISTER?!"
While my mom... "Ewww... That's scary... Why are you like this? Eww..."
==
I bought a cute red demon stuffed toy too... And that... Made them... "Owh, she's just hopeless..." And while me and my sisters went for the Halloween party, they went to church ==
I don't need exorcism, I'm fine!
OH SHIT!0334 ＡＬＲＥＡＤＹ! I HAVE A FUCKING FACIAL APPOINTMENT AT 0900 LATER ON... MOM, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PICK SUCH A GREAT DAY?! FUCCKKKKK!
助けて Ｔ＾Ｔ
レイチェル＠０３４０
Sunday, 25 April 2010
Ice Kacang Puppy Love
Nice movie, but... Not so nice ending.
Gotta have courage when it comes to love? Pass... I don't have courage.
As usual, my mum cried again. She does that EVERY TIME!
Ice Kacang... Ice Kacang... Ice Kacang... Suddenly, I feel like eating it. Where can I find one in the middle of the night? Any place that sells nice Ice Kacang? Or anything else that's good? Suggest please.
I'm no good at art, if I am, my collections will be drawings instead of words...
Hm.
Nothing much, my maid slipped this morning, she's in the hospital. I'm sick and tired of all the people around me getting hurt. And Lolli keeps cursing herself that she's the next one. I hope not, for her sake.
Um.
I still hate the ending.
WHY!
WHY!
WHY!
WHY!
No, nobody died. In the end, nobody got who they loved, BUT, they did have a good life. I mean, the guy already has a girlfriend, but he still thinks of her. And the worse part? She was behind him the whole time... UGH... Damn endings...
LaLaLA~
If I have somebody that I love, I would... Nah, I don't know what I'd do.
If I have somebody that I like, I would... I don't know what I'd do either.
I know what I wont do.
I wont love him
I wont like him
I wont hate him
I wont like him
I wont hate him
Sounds dumb, I know. But hey, I'm me. I'm naturally dumb, that's why I'm special, you don't see dumb people who are smart everyday, now do you?
I don't know, I still don't know...
I'm not moving on when I should be. I'm stuck, pull me out! SOMEBODY! HELP! But wait, there's nobody out there... My cry for help, unheard, my stuck self, unseen... Please... I just want to hug somebody I can never EVER hug. I'm sorry, he's still in my mind. When I said that I have moved on, I don't know... I wasn't lying... But, I think of him... I'm sorry.
- Red.
Friday, 26 February 2010
The Usual Afternoon Boredness~
I'm writing this outta boredom, SO DAMN HOT~
Ever wonder what it's like for a Golden Retriever to fight a German Shepherd? Well, I can tell you the results cause obviously, my two MALE dogs fought over the FEMALE dog, now I know why people call bitches a bitch... My God, Bruno(German) was gonna... Fuck... Angel(Female Golden) and Max(Male Golden) didn't like it, so... Yea... a big mess... Damn... Max is bruised all over! From eye to paw... Seriously, remind me never to fight a German Shepherd, I don't wanna end up like Max... Poor dog... And yet, Angel could be named Angel, I can blame my brother for such a dumb name, he's such an ass, yet, he gives his EVERY pet the name Angel... And Max if it's male. Like the two damned tortoise we had when I was 6, and the two Golden Hamsters we had when I was 8.
LOLx... That was the result, so, never mess with my dog.
Right, practice was usual... The usual routine, marching, breakfast, indoor... BlaBlaBLA~
The Colour Guard test went bad, I worked my ass off, and at the end of the day, my results sucked! I get so damn nervous at stupid tests that I forget everything! Like the stupid trumpet test... I got nervous and all that came out was air...
I let myself down, all of the damn weeks I spent practicing was a waste! And now, my stupid finger hurts cause of the flag... I dropped at the last minute... GREAT... Now, I let everyone down, they had hope I WOULD DO GREAT!
Sorry guys... I know y'all are disappointed that I didn't do very well... Look the other way, I still have a shot at trumpet, besides... Wait... Wait... Wait a second... There is no result... YET.
But sure, I screwed up at the last minute...
But whatever...
LALALA~
It's Okay... I just had to pick the time when everybody's there LOOKING to do the test... Oh, as if the examiner ain't bad enough! Man, I gotta start picking right times to do stuff...
My results are bad, I can feel it. And no, I'm not back to the dark side... It's just...
I SCREWED UP...
BIG...
WELL...
NOT THAT BIG...
Ever wonder what it's like for a Golden Retriever to fight a German Shepherd? Well, I can tell you the results cause obviously, my two MALE dogs fought over the FEMALE dog, now I know why people call bitches a bitch... My God, Bruno(German) was gonna... Fuck... Angel(Female Golden) and Max(Male Golden) didn't like it, so... Yea... a big mess... Damn... Max is bruised all over! From eye to paw... Seriously, remind me never to fight a German Shepherd, I don't wanna end up like Max... Poor dog... And yet, Angel could be named Angel, I can blame my brother for such a dumb name, he's such an ass, yet, he gives his EVERY pet the name Angel... And Max if it's male. Like the two damned tortoise we had when I was 6, and the two Golden Hamsters we had when I was 8.
LOLx... That was the result, so, never mess with my dog.
Right, practice was usual... The usual routine, marching, breakfast, indoor... BlaBlaBLA~
The Colour Guard test went bad, I worked my ass off, and at the end of the day, my results sucked! I get so damn nervous at stupid tests that I forget everything! Like the stupid trumpet test... I got nervous and all that came out was air...
I let myself down, all of the damn weeks I spent practicing was a waste! And now, my stupid finger hurts cause of the flag... I dropped at the last minute... GREAT... Now, I let everyone down, they had hope I WOULD DO GREAT!
Sorry guys... I know y'all are disappointed that I didn't do very well... Look the other way, I still have a shot at trumpet, besides... Wait... Wait... Wait a second... There is no result... YET.
But sure, I screwed up at the last minute...
But whatever...
LALALA~
It's Okay... I just had to pick the time when everybody's there LOOKING to do the test... Oh, as if the examiner ain't bad enough! Man, I gotta start picking right times to do stuff...
My results are bad, I can feel it. And no, I'm not back to the dark side... It's just...
I SCREWED UP...
BIG...
WELL...
NOT THAT BIG...
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