Thursday 11 November 2010

I Failed

Remember when I said that no matter how dumb I may be, I will NEVER fail a subject? Well... I guess I'm dumb enough to fail one subject. Math. No problem, I hate it, it hates me... It's a hate-hate relationship.

I was suppose to write this a LONG time ago, but... It didn't matter. Hey... Mum didn't kill me. So, I thought that it'd be fine... I forgot one tiny bit... One failed subject is... A big problem.

I just needed two more points to pass anyway... What? I didn't cheat... For once in my life, I didn't.

I was going to... But then again, I was on bad terms with a certain somebody that's in front of me... Even if I wanted so badly to copy her paper... I have my pride right? I can't just USE somebody like that... It's just low... So... I think I failed my Math paper because of my silly way of thinking...

I knew that even if I copied her answers, just like last semester, she wouldn't say anything... But... That would be unfair, and like I said... I have my pride...

Ehehe, mum... The score I got for my Math paper last semester... Well... You could say that it was... Fake. Since I copied my WHOLE subjective paper from somebody else... 

I could have won... If it wasn't for my stupid Math paper. I hate losing. But.. I don't care... See, I don't care, but, of course, I'm upset... If anybody MAKES me even more pissed, I will seriously lose it and strangle them in front of the whole class. Jeez. Who knew I was so competitive.

I will say things again.

I don't care so much for my results, but, if I happen to fail, I will be VERY upset because I have never failed anything, until now.

I'm not smart, but, I'm not so stupid either... So, I'm smart, I just hate Math, and most of the time... I'm so lazy that I don't bother to do the calculations. Yes... This is one of the reason why I failed.

I set goals for my studies, which nobody knows about, not even me. If I'm impressed, I'm impressed. If I'm not... I'll just sit there, and give out a very dark aura.

I don't care about placing. Just so you know, I'm gonna be at the back, cause I failed my fucking Math paper. So, if it comes out, just keep your mouths shut, I don't want to hear even a 'try harder'... And, yes, don't talk to me. OR come near me.

When I get home, if I get shouted, I will take all my snacks, cucumber, and tea to my room, and will never come out. IF I get shouted.

You know what...

I give up. There's no point, is there? When the time comes, I'll just take my fucking results, and go home, so I don't have to see your happy faces.

Yes, I'm jealous. Save the crap about not working hard.

I know, I never worked hard, because, I don't want to, and I don't see the need to. I'm satisfied. And nobody has the right to say that they are disappointed in what I got. It's mine, so it's mine, nobody else needs to tell me anything.

I'm a lazy person. Lazy in some things, and active in others, and... Studying, I just hate that. It's a waste of time studying before exams, if you know, you know. Before the exam, just flip through a bit... You'll manage...

Next year, PMR. I don't know... Just another useless object in the way that I have to clear to move on.

Studying is a pain in the neck. When you find a job, I doubt that it will NEED history. If you're into arts, I doubt that it needs Math...

Whatever...

Clearly, I'm just pissed off.

So...

It's best that nobody says anything next Tuesday.

I never hurt people the way I want to, I'm not strong enough... I always swallow that hate, you know? And then... Meditate... And wow... It's like nothing happened... But believe me, I would like to know...

Murder is an art of enjoyment... 

I forgot where I saw that sentence...

Paint the walls with that crimson color, and drown yourself in that bright color...

Pissed off@0025

MemeMeRachel

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