Well, I made the wrong choice, congratulate me, I'll feel worse.
Going to Ipoh seemed better, if I went, I'd be having coffee instead of sitting under a tree and pinching myself. Nice leaves, nice petals... Nice grass?
I love walking. Yea, I walked from Watsons, my mum was going to church so, she dropped me off at Watsons. Walk, walk, walk... Music in my ears, but... I can still hear the cars, and smell the smoke... UUUUH!
I reached the school gates, huh... What the hell, a stupid garbage truck, and, the school's still empty, so, I decided to take a walk round the living area of the opposite living district. Walk, walk, walk... Pressed the traffic light button. Blink, blink, blink... Green, I crossed till the middle...
'Assholes! WTF?! Can't you guys freaking see that it's green of me? Fuck you guys! Look at the traffic light! ASSHOLES!' I really shouted that out. It was GREEN for ME! And yet... It's like there's a monster chasing them, so many cars... I felt the rush... I almost fell...
Freaking idiots...
Walk, walk, walk...
The street's empty, except for old people jogging, or going to buy breakfast. Saw the same old man twice, saw the garbage truck twice too... Garbage truck huh? UGH... Well, at least it was empty.
Walk... Walk... Walk...
I see him. On the other side... 'So maybe it's true that I can't live without you, and maybe two is better than one...' The song is playing... Two is better than one... Nice timing eh? Without knowing why, I ran... Chasing after something that I can never get... On the other side? So many cars... Zooming pass poor me. I ran anyways, TO THE TRAFFIC LIGHT, if I ran across the road, I don't know who'll die, me, or the drivers... Or everyone...
Pathetic right? Going was already a stupid choice, and that? Even worse...
Yellow T, black pants...
He looks good, as always...
*SIGH*
'Stop yourself, stop this. Rachel, this is ridiculous, you know this better than anyone. Snap outta it. HEY! Are you listening? OI!' I said to myself... Shaking my head, I try not to think about anything and just wash my trumpet. That was bad... I didn't really wash it... It was a waste of time... I would be happy, if I went to Ipoh... Not THERE! Because of what? I want to prove to myself that I what? Like him enough to make myself miserable? Yea? Fuck that... I missed shopping, coffee, food, movie... I missed things I loved most, and for what? For him? For me? I wonder... Is he really worth it? I gave up my day... Just so I can see him... How dumb can I get? This sounds like a bad joke... But, it's true...
He didn't even talk to me, he didn't even know that I was there, he didn't even say 'hi' or 'bye'. I wasted my time, missed my chance, made myself miserable... Because? I wanted to see him? It doesn't make any difference, does it? All I'm doing now, everything I did in the past, and everything I will do in the future... Is hurt myself...
I don't know if anyone realized it, but, being miserable, being hurt... Is me. The happy, idiotic, mad person is also me. Two sides... I can be both at the same time too...
It doesn't matter anyway...
Nobody really cares, all they ever do is... Look...
*SIGH*
No matter what, he will never like me, will he?
We're different.
But still... Never mind. Forget it.
Just looking... Never saying...
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