Cereal at night, only three words can be said: BEST FEELING EVER.
I go downstairs, rummage the utensils box and dug out my favourite cereal spoon. You might laugh hard at it when you see it. It's a white plastic spoon, yellowed due to the years it's been hiding in the drawer; even the pink angel printed on it is losing its charm-- whatever, it's still my favourite cereal spoon.
Then, I search the stacks of plates, bowls, containers and basins that's in a hodgepodge of a mess on top of the kitchen counter, trying to find my Winnie the Pooh bowl; desperately. How can one have cereal with their favorite spoon but not their beloved bowl!? I gave up searching for it and took a substitute out of the cupboard-- my second favorite bowl, a highly-breakable cream coloured cereal bowl.
The empty fridge greeted me.
Empty. Empty as in there's nothing I like inside. If anything, our decade old fridge is everything but empty. Packets of unused McDonald's chili sauced stuffed between the empty egg holder, sugar cubes in a poorly wrapped package at the bottom with an almost empty bottle of mayo shoved between a new bottle of ketchup, hardened oyster sauce and some Thai chili sauce that seemed to have been there since the dawn of time. Is that a bottle of vinegar? Bags and bags of wrapped up nonsense blocked the orange light at the back of the fridge. What in the world are in these bags? They have been there longer than that bottle of Thai chili sauce! It'd be too much of a pain to clear them out now, besides, I see my box of cereal and that horrible carton of milk already. They are up front, I really didn't have to look. The mystery of those wrapped up bags remains.
The sound of cereal against the bowl. Relaxing. I never want it to stop. But if I don't stop pouring, they'll fall out of the bowl, roll onto the floor and get stepped on. No, I wouldn't want that to happen! Goodbye, sounds of mini balls filling up an empty bowl!
I take one piece and put it in my mouth. Crunchy. As my teeth crushed that one little ball, I sensed a burst of flavour. Mm... Wheat... I love the taste of wheat. It reminds me of Oishi brand genmai green tea that I would always drink in Thailand and somehow, that taste brings me to an open field at sunset with storks bathing in the muddy water. Of course, once that taste is gone, I stop reminiscing.
I take a spoonful and shove it into my mouth. Shit, that's too much! Om nom nom nom... My mouth was dry, and as the chewed cereal went down my throat, my oesophagus had a hard time contracting its muscles; peristalsis almost hurt. Finally, I swallowed the ball of crushed chocolate pieces.
Time for the milk to invade my peaceful kingdom of chocolate pieces.
I dislike milk ever since a few years ago when the smell of it made me vomit all over the floor. It was only recently that I've come to accept milk back into my diet. This white, creamy liquid, it's as if I could still smell that farm and cows of Dutch Lady when I open the lid. It makes me sick. But alas, what's the enjoyment of having cereal without milk? This deadly combination is my guilty pleasure in the dead of the night.
I let a piece of cereal slide onto my spoon, then carefully, I let the milk fill up whatever space that's left. I raise it to my lips. One lick of the milk, using the tip of my tongue like a cat. It's time to feed myself properly-- not quite. I like to taste the milk and cereal individually first, thus the reason why there's only a piece floating in my spoonful of milk. Before the innocent white of the milk gets contaminated by the chocolate, I'd like to feel its blandness on my tongue and that indescribable taste which I loathe yet at the same time, it soothes me.
Time to feed myself properly, like a human being, like a seventeen-year-old highschool student.
I look over at Sarah who took a bowl and sat down beside me. I told her how I like to eat my cereal. She stared at me incredulously and I started laughing. "You're the only abnormal one around here!" and she left me there, alone under the creaking ceiling fan and dull lights.
Showing posts with label Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Story. Show all posts
Wednesday, 15 May 2013
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
The Frog that Climbed Out of the Well
One thing leads to another. Unknowingly, a new bond is formed; two persons cross each other's path.
When you give yourself a chance, when you gather all the strength that's left in you and crawl of the well you've been trapped in for years, you'll find a new world to call home. From beneath the well, all you were able to see was the sky when the Sun shone and the stars when it set. That round picture of day and night, it was enough to satisfy you, and so you tell yourself you'll never leave that empty well, even if it started to crumble.
I had nothing left to salvage, so I bid the world I knew goodbye as it fell to ruins.
At first, all I could do was cry. I curled up on the cold hard ground, sobbed my days away because this new world was unknown to me, I didn't know what to do or where to go. I thought of giving up, and I drugged myself with the memories of my past so I'd leave this life peacefully. As the scenes of how my world fell apart flashed in my head, I jolted awake. Those memories, they were all too painful to bear. So I ran.
I stumbled, fell, cut myself. I couldn't see where I was going. I ran without direction, without a destination in mind but soon, I heard distant voices and saw faint lights. My body slammed against something hard, I lost all my senses; fainted.
The best things come unexpectedly when one isn't even looking.
How can someone move on, I wondered as I drifted in and out of sleep. Once, I loved a person. I gave so much, invested all my time in the first relationship I've ever had in my life, thinking that it'll last forever. He seemed so sure too, constantly telling me that he wishes to marry when the time comes. Years passed by like that, and we were a step closer to our goal as each year went. It wasn't always rainbows and butterflies, compromises were made, but I never thought that promises would be broken.
Spring, the season where nature is reborn. It was then that I suddenly became a part of nature, needing to sprout out from the earth once again. Indeed, I lost everything I had that spring.
I finally woke up.
My head rests on a soft pillow, white sheets covering my body. I could smell breakfast, the sizzling of bacon on the frying pan in the kitchen.
A stranger had found me unconscious, so he took me to his home.
How can someone move on? I ask myself yet again.
Numb from the heartbreak, I don't want to fall in love again.
I was convinced that the world was only that same portrait of day and night when I was a frog that lived in an old, empty well. I convinced myself that what I knew was as good as the world can get. I was wrong.
There is someone ten times better than you are. A hundred, maybe a thousand folds better than you. Losing you and meeting someone new, I'm starting to realise what I'm looking for in a partner-- though I don't want to date again so soon. Companionship, that's all I long for at the moment, and I seem to have found the perfect one. I never thought I'd be able to give so much in such a short time, to a person--in my candid opinion-- not very good looking.
Nobody's perfect, but then, personality and inner beauty would make even the ugliest beings beautiful.
Sunday, 28 April 2013
Conversations
For hours, her heart has been aching, tightening her chest. Why did she have to stumble across that picture? If only her hands had listened to her, she wouldn't be crying while singing When I Was Your Man. It was a picture of him and a girl he had a crush on a few months ago.
Her hands were itchy as usual, typing his name in her friend's list, clicking on his profile. What is he up to these days, she wondered. Time passes ever so quickly. It has been a month since he cut the bond between them. Still, her heart aches, her tears fall.
The green dot appears beside his profile picture, letting her know that he's online. That bright green dot caught her attention the moment it flashed-- who wouldn't notice such a eye-catching colour? She continues to scroll down her newsfeed, hoping the green dot would disappear.
But it didn't.
Minutes passed, it was still there.
She told herself that she must not approach him. The urge to talk to him was strong because she was hurting inside. Though she knows that he is the root of all her pain, it is also clear to her that nobody can fill the hole in her heart except for him. There is a Chinese proverb that goes 心病终须心药治，解铃还是系铃人(the problems of the heart in the end, needs to be healed with medicine for the heart, the person to untie the bell need be the person who tied it)
For that seven minutes of heaven, she's willing to hurt for seven days yet again.
[Hey, how are you?]
[Good... How are you?]
[Why do you ask...]
[You're jealous about something... Your status update...]
[Oh, it's nothing...]
[Is it... You think that I have something going on with her?]
[...]
[You rarely tell me what you think these days... I don't deserve to know anyway...]
[... Are you busy?]
[No. But I'm going to bed soon]
[!?]
[That's early]
[...Do you have someone else...?]
[No! No!]
[Oh really... I wouldn't know since we're so far apart!]
10PM
***
This is the reality on the guy's side.
He looked at the time on his laptop, 10pm. Time to ring his girlfriend! Looking at the conversation he's having with his ex sends a tinge of guilt deep down his heart, where the memories of their days together are locked away. He's lying to her now.
"Hey... Did you wait for my call?"
"Mm... You're on time..."
***
A few minutes have passed and she's still waiting for his reply.
[Having a hard time coming up with excuses huh?]
[If you consider an exam as an excuse for going to bed early...]
[Oh, I didn't know...]
[You don't bother asking, so I don't tell... You never ask much, even back then...]
[Yeah. I suppose. But when I do, I don't get answers.]
[Not the answers you want to hear anyway...]
[...]
[I guess this is goodnight then...]
[... Goodnight...]
She wanted to tell him how much she missed him. That was all she wanted to say to him when she first clicked on his profile. She knew she couldn't tell him that, not anymore... He won't accept it, and it'll just end up making things awkward between the both of them.
I miss you...
In her head, possibilities about what's going on his side played. Ten o'clock. Such a great time to leave. Back then, he would call her at this hour and talk to her, make her smile, make her feel loved. For all she knows, he could be on the phone with someone else, having phone-sex with his new partner.
Shaking her head, she smiled to herself, reassured herself with a lie she wants to believe in, something he said to her when he left: I just don't want to be in a relationship right now, I'm in love with my work.
She clicked on his profile picture so she could see his face clearly. So long since she last saw him... Over a year; probably. She wonders when he'll return because she really misses him lots. She yearns for his touch, and the smile she has grown fond of.
A smile slowly formed on her sad face.
***
"Kisses?"
"Sure, wherever you want to, hon. Hehe..."
"Such a cheeky girl I have here!"
***
It will all be okay, she tells herself.
Her hands were itchy as usual, typing his name in her friend's list, clicking on his profile. What is he up to these days, she wondered. Time passes ever so quickly. It has been a month since he cut the bond between them. Still, her heart aches, her tears fall.
The green dot appears beside his profile picture, letting her know that he's online. That bright green dot caught her attention the moment it flashed-- who wouldn't notice such a eye-catching colour? She continues to scroll down her newsfeed, hoping the green dot would disappear.
But it didn't.
Minutes passed, it was still there.
She told herself that she must not approach him. The urge to talk to him was strong because she was hurting inside. Though she knows that he is the root of all her pain, it is also clear to her that nobody can fill the hole in her heart except for him. There is a Chinese proverb that goes 心病终须心药治，解铃还是系铃人(the problems of the heart in the end, needs to be healed with medicine for the heart, the person to untie the bell need be the person who tied it)
For that seven minutes of heaven, she's willing to hurt for seven days yet again.
[Hey, how are you?]
[Good... How are you?]
[Why do you ask...]
[You're jealous about something... Your status update...]
[Oh, it's nothing...]
[Is it... You think that I have something going on with her?]
[...]
[You rarely tell me what you think these days... I don't deserve to know anyway...]
[... Are you busy?]
[No. But I'm going to bed soon]
[!?]
[That's early]
[...Do you have someone else...?]
[No! No!]
[Oh really... I wouldn't know since we're so far apart!]
10PM
***
This is the reality on the guy's side.
He looked at the time on his laptop, 10pm. Time to ring his girlfriend! Looking at the conversation he's having with his ex sends a tinge of guilt deep down his heart, where the memories of their days together are locked away. He's lying to her now.
"Hey... Did you wait for my call?"
"Mm... You're on time..."
***
A few minutes have passed and she's still waiting for his reply.
[Having a hard time coming up with excuses huh?]
[If you consider an exam as an excuse for going to bed early...]
[Oh, I didn't know...]
[You don't bother asking, so I don't tell... You never ask much, even back then...]
[Yeah. I suppose. But when I do, I don't get answers.]
[Not the answers you want to hear anyway...]
[...]
[I guess this is goodnight then...]
[... Goodnight...]
She wanted to tell him how much she missed him. That was all she wanted to say to him when she first clicked on his profile. She knew she couldn't tell him that, not anymore... He won't accept it, and it'll just end up making things awkward between the both of them.
I miss you...
In her head, possibilities about what's going on his side played. Ten o'clock. Such a great time to leave. Back then, he would call her at this hour and talk to her, make her smile, make her feel loved. For all she knows, he could be on the phone with someone else, having phone-sex with his new partner.
Shaking her head, she smiled to herself, reassured herself with a lie she wants to believe in, something he said to her when he left: I just don't want to be in a relationship right now, I'm in love with my work.
She clicked on his profile picture so she could see his face clearly. So long since she last saw him... Over a year; probably. She wonders when he'll return because she really misses him lots. She yearns for his touch, and the smile she has grown fond of.
A smile slowly formed on her sad face.
***
"Kisses?"
"Sure, wherever you want to, hon. Hehe..."
"Such a cheeky girl I have here!"
***
It will all be okay, she tells herself.
Wednesday, 10 April 2013
Afternoon Under The Same Roof
Shaking her head, she went up the stairs with a ladder in hand.
Why can't they help me out, not even one bit? Her complaint echoed, bounced from the empty ceilings to the dining hall where a young person sat. A piece of cake in one hand, a cup of tea in another.
She's finally upstairs.
Tired, she put her ladder down. She isn't very young anymore.
Step by step, she climbed the ladder. Afraid of falling, feeling nauseated because of how high it seemed, though she was only on the third step. Her target still appears to be so far away, beyond her limit-- she isn't very tall either.
Her hands finally touched the air conditioner. Just a little bit more, and she could reach the cover, pop it open and take the filters out. It has been a while since she cleaned them. Even the air conditioner has started to water.
Downstairs, the young person continues to nibble on the piece of pastry, sipping a cup of tea from time to time.
It happened so suddenly. The woman that was reaching for the plastic cover is now lying on the floor, paralyzed.
In the dining hall, the young person takes another bite of the dessert, sipping the tea ever so calmly.
Unable to move, the woman gathers whatever energy she has left in that broken body of hers and let out a cry of pain and agony, pleading for someone to come to her aid.
At the dining table, the young person swallows, washing away the sugar with the tea, oblivious about what's happening right above.
The young person stands up.
The woman is out of breath.
***
Why can't they help me out, not even one bit? Her complaint echoed, bounced from the empty ceilings to the dining hall where a young person sat. A piece of cake in one hand, a cup of tea in another.
She's finally upstairs.
Tired, she put her ladder down. She isn't very young anymore.
Step by step, she climbed the ladder. Afraid of falling, feeling nauseated because of how high it seemed, though she was only on the third step. Her target still appears to be so far away, beyond her limit-- she isn't very tall either.
Her hands finally touched the air conditioner. Just a little bit more, and she could reach the cover, pop it open and take the filters out. It has been a while since she cleaned them. Even the air conditioner has started to water.
Downstairs, the young person continues to nibble on the piece of pastry, sipping a cup of tea from time to time.
It happened so suddenly. The woman that was reaching for the plastic cover is now lying on the floor, paralyzed.
In the dining hall, the young person takes another bite of the dessert, sipping the tea ever so calmly.
Unable to move, the woman gathers whatever energy she has left in that broken body of hers and let out a cry of pain and agony, pleading for someone to come to her aid.
At the dining table, the young person swallows, washing away the sugar with the tea, oblivious about what's happening right above.
The young person stands up.
The woman is out of breath.
***
Friday, 22 July 2011
I... WANT TO BECOME A FARMER
Thanks to Chinese class, I am inspired yet again. I think I LOVE my Chinese textbook, LOL, so many interesting stories. Too bad... I can't understand them on my own =_=
第二十二课，向神农致敬。By 何乃健。
I really wanna become a farmer. Hmm, without those skinny people who plants paddy and harvests them... We'd all starve to death.
A ball of cabbage is only worth twenty cents. The rest of the money we pay goes to the person selling you cabbage~ How sad. 这是什么世界阿?!
Farmers should get paid more. I pity them, and my future self.
Lawyers and CEOs should earn less money. All they do is sit inside an air-conditioned room and watch porn while pretending to look at the papers which need to be signed. SO WHAT IF THEY GROW GRAY HAIR AND HAVE WRINKLES?! They go for facials, spas and they eat good food. $50,000 a month, maybe more.
BUT FARMERS?!
Working all day, UNDER THE HOT SUN, bending their backs, blood sucked by leeches. More gray hair, more wrinkles, and they are just skin and bones. They don't go for spas, they sometimes eat field mice. Less than $1000 a month.
这是什么世界阿?!
I will marry a 90-year-old billionaire. After a year of NOT sharing a room with him, I'd give him a heart attack. Then when he sleeps in the ground, I'll inherit his fortune. I get the mansion and the maids all to myself. MUAHAHAHAHA. Then, I will use the overly large piece of land to PLANT crops. I will build a nice hut for each of the farmers I hire, and provide them food, drinks, clothes... Condoms...? =_= Everyone would be happy. I'd be a widowed 30-year-old, with a farm mansion =_= I can always remarry to Zongxu xD not that I'd want to.
Anyway...
I hope that ALL the farmers worldwide will go on strike. Refusing to plant and harvest or whatever. Keeping themselves alive instead of feeding the useless society. Make us APPRECIATE FARMERS and DON'T WASTE FOOD. Who says that only useless people become farmers? Huh? If they are so useless, don't let me see you eat rice, or vege.
That's it for now.
。。。
。。。
听了日本古代农民说的故事你是不是有一点不想吃了。。。？
第二十二课，向神农致敬。By 何乃健。
I really wanna become a farmer. Hmm, without those skinny people who plants paddy and harvests them... We'd all starve to death.
A ball of cabbage is only worth twenty cents. The rest of the money we pay goes to the person selling you cabbage~ How sad. 这是什么世界阿?!
Farmers should get paid more. I pity them, and my future self.
Lawyers and CEOs should earn less money. All they do is sit inside an air-conditioned room and watch porn while pretending to look at the papers which need to be signed. SO WHAT IF THEY GROW GRAY HAIR AND HAVE WRINKLES?! They go for facials, spas and they eat good food. $50,000 a month, maybe more.
BUT FARMERS?!
Working all day, UNDER THE HOT SUN, bending their backs, blood sucked by leeches. More gray hair, more wrinkles, and they are just skin and bones. They don't go for spas, they sometimes eat field mice. Less than $1000 a month.
这是什么世界阿?!
I will marry a 90-year-old billionaire. After a year of NOT sharing a room with him, I'd give him a heart attack. Then when he sleeps in the ground, I'll inherit his fortune. I get the mansion and the maids all to myself. MUAHAHAHAHA. Then, I will use the overly large piece of land to PLANT crops. I will build a nice hut for each of the farmers I hire, and provide them food, drinks, clothes... Condoms...? =_= Everyone would be happy. I'd be a widowed 30-year-old, with a farm mansion =_= I can always remarry to Zongxu xD not that I'd want to.
Anyway...
I hope that ALL the farmers worldwide will go on strike. Refusing to plant and harvest or whatever. Keeping themselves alive instead of feeding the useless society. Make us APPRECIATE FARMERS and DON'T WASTE FOOD. Who says that only useless people become farmers? Huh? If they are so useless, don't let me see you eat rice, or vege.
That's it for now.
I WANT TO BECOME A FARMER
掌管食物之神被刺杀了之后，从他的头部长出蚕虫，从他的眼瞳长出了稻谷，从耳长出高粱，鼻子长出红豆，生殖器官长出小麦，臀部长出大豆来。。。。
。。。
。。。
听了日本古代农民说的故事你是不是有一点不想吃了。。。？
沾满鲜血的馒头，
人的自私与丑陋，
人和社会的失败。
这是什么世界啊？！
Friday, 17 June 2011
A Damn Long Reply
To the desperate and confused boyfriend of a friend,
Things are just fine. Been some time sinced you asked for me. Heh, as I thought, you only need me when you hit a dead end. We've been friends for 15 years, of course I know MOST of the things about her.
Thanks to you, this is my second rewrite, you big screw-up of a guy! Making me waste my precious 20 minutes to reply you but ended up deleting everything because you had to IM me when I was in the mood to write! So this will be LESS effective than the first one, YOU have only yourself to blame you idiot!
Before you moved back and after you've moved back, especially during the week before you moved, she got really, really, REALLY messed up. You know, I know whose fault it is. BUT. Like the idiot that she is, she likes to blame herself. Sigh... No helping that...
Every single time she gets mad at you, she's even madder at herself for getting mad at you. She knows you can't help being busy and that you have a lot of things to do, but she feels ignored anyway. That's just how she is.
She trys NOT to get angry, but the harder she tries, the angrier she gets.
Like I said, you're not ready yet. You can try, I'm not stopping you. It's not my problem if you want to research her as your life's experiment. I'm pretty sure that she'd want that too. Boy, be careful, this experiment that you're taking up, is extreamly fragile, and although it looks like a diamond, IT'S NOT! Once it hits the ground, you can never put it back together, unless you catch the falling experiment with your hands before it touches the ground. That might save it.
But firstly, do you know why she's like that?
I guess not many people know...
You're right for one thing, you have thread deeper into her than most people, in fact, you're the only one who was able to go so deep into her heart. Nobody has reached the place that you touched. Even though you might doubt, I THINK that you understand her the most, besides me. I THINK, I could be wrong, but, yeah, you understand her, that's for sure. It's just a matter of... Words that she uses. You know, she uses them on purpose to make you confused and restless, in a way, to her, it's like revenge for leaving her alone. And now, she's making you feel the same way she felt when you were away. I hope you feel good. Hah!
I can see that you're texting her right now, we'll see what happens later. Seems like she's in a good mood tonight. Don't screw up.
Let me ask you something my dear boy, what can you do for her?
It's tough isn't it?
Yes. You understand her, you do. You know her problems, you know why she cries and is depressed. It's her PMR isn't it? So you should know. The pressure isn't from the test iself, it's from the teachers, parents, HOMEWORK... And the one thing you love most- Band.
Unlike you, your parents never minded about your results as long as you tried your best. Her parents, is somewhere between carefree and result-caring. She often wonders you know? What do they want from her, she's average at everything except for Math. So, why can't they let it slip? That one little subject? It's important, she knows, but she just can't do it. So why do they force her? I don't know either, I guess I can never understand parents.
Like the type of person she is, we both know that forcing her is useless. They say that forcing is sometimes a way to achieve what you want, but, WRONG. It doesn't apply to ALL human beings in ALL fields. In her case, the more you force, the more she stresses over it, and the more she hates it.
So what can you do boy? Tell me. What else can you do besides comfort her when she's depressed, spend every little extra time on your hands with her, and just bandage her wounds that wont stop bleeding? You make her feel better for a while, then she goes all berserk again. You can't change anything can you? You're just making things worse, she HAS to HAVE you. Without you, she'd die. Is that what you want? I know it's not what I want. She loves you, but if she relies on you too much, both of you are the ones who will get hurt, and be forced to part ways. Unless you can prove me wrong, I'll disappear forever and never disturb the both of you. Cause if you prove me wrong, it's obvious that I lost to you.
10 out of 7 times, she's depressed. Where else can she go? But to you. Her parents are good parents, but they just don't understand. They never did care about what she was going through emotionally, they never even knew.
Most of the times when she's long-faced and moody because the stress is too much she can't bear it, her mum would ask her what's wrong but she'd reply irritatedly. Making her mother furious, and then her mother would start shouting at her.
I wonder what would happen if she actually tried to tell. You know her. She could never get things out so easily. Isn't her most used word 'nothing'? The word that makes you worry.
She told me of course, I asked her why wouldn't she tell her mum about her problems. The response I got was head shaking and salty tears falling down.
"She would tell me that I'm crazy and that I should stop the nonsense," she said to me one day. She did exactly what she was told to do- SHUT UP. And so, she never answered anybody when she's moody, she couldn't get her problems out because she thought that nobody would care anyway. Until I came along, then you.
" 'Why wont you answer me! Why have you becomed like this! What the hell is wrong with you! You weirdo! YOU WEIRD CHILD!' she'd tell me when I'm upset. As a mother, how coud she, when I was already so depressed... I just... Don't understand!" She burst out into tears and soaked my shirt. Speaking was a problem, and so was keeping quiet, what do you expect her to do? What else CAN she do? What else can YOU do?
" 'Then why wont you tell me! If you'd tell! Things would be different!' my mother would say to me again. I'm really confused. What does she expect? I try to tell her and she says I'm nuts. I do exactly what she says, clamp my mouth shut and she tells me I'm weird. I don't know anything anymore..." She wrote to me. I don't know what to say, how can I help her... I also don't know. But if her mother was better at controlling her temper, I guess your girlfriend wouldn't be so depressed. Now, we both know where she inherited her short temper. If only her parents were like yours, how do you think she'd be? If only her own mother cared more... Emotionally.
Have I anwered your question now? Or was I just blabbering away? Either way, I hope you understand her better now.
All you have to do is just tell her that you're there when she has lost her mind. She wants nothing more than that, nothing more than you. So don't stress yourself, you'd make things worse.
You are an idiot for not understanding her. What use is your vocabulary when you can't understand her SIMPLE english, which consists of words like 'nothing' , 'whatever', 'fine' and so on. The way she puts them, it's like they can mean multiple things, and yes, whatever that you think they mean, no matter how many interpretions, THEY'RE ALL TRUE. When she says that "You did nothing" means that you didn't do anything, anything to make her mad, anything to make her happy.
Bingo. She gets a little bitchy when the decisions you make isn't to her liking, she'd replace the words SCREW YOU and EFF YOU with WHATEVER. When she's really irritated she'd say FINE, you better think twice about being happy. She isn't agreeing, she's thinking long and hard when will you FINALLY realize your mistake and apologize to her, she knows that SHE'S right and YOU'RE wrong.
I pity you sometimes, you know that? How the heck are you even attracted to SUCH a person? UGH. I can never understand that simple mind of yours. Dumbass.
NO! NO! NO!
Don't leave her! I'd be miserable if you did! I'd be the only one she could count on, so , DON'T LEAVE T^T
She doesn't want you to leave, she's just letting you choose, after all, she can't make you stay, can she? That would be selfish of her. You have freedom. Though it REALLY pisses her off, the things you do... It's still your freedom of choice. Six months is some time bro, but yeah, she feels the same, maybe something's changed, but definitely, she wont leave you just yet.
The days of uncertainty eh? Silly boy. Enjoy the time you two still have. Like you said, go with the flow. But if you think too much, it's really... Really... Really... Going to affect your relationship with crazy bitch you're dating =X
Don't tell her what I called her!
Oh my my my. You answer that question, and you die. To her, everything she asks, has a point. She made a 'score meter' for you. Though she doesn't keep track, she'd deduct a mark when you disppoint her. Ah. Who knows how many marks you've lost and gained. It doesn't matter anyway. She doesn't care about the 'score meter', that thing is just for fun.
Hehe. Do you believe me that she's cuckoo now? Or you've always known but love her anyways? Ah, how sweet. I WISH I HAD SOMEONE LIKE YOU >_<
Oops =x
Well. My pleasure. Beeeeeen a long time since anyone called for my help. If you never called, I would have rot in my cage already.
I will now go back to bed and sleep. Thank you for wasting my time you good for nothing dimwit!
Men. I just hate men.
Why wont she tell me that she loves me!
>_<
♥
♥
♥
♥
Yours sincerely,
チェル
Things are just fine. Been some time sinced you asked for me. Heh, as I thought, you only need me when you hit a dead end. We've been friends for 15 years, of course I know MOST of the things about her.
Thanks to you, this is my second rewrite, you big screw-up of a guy! Making me waste my precious 20 minutes to reply you but ended up deleting everything because you had to IM me when I was in the mood to write! So this will be LESS effective than the first one, YOU have only yourself to blame you idiot!
Before you moved back and after you've moved back, especially during the week before you moved, she got really, really, REALLY messed up. You know, I know whose fault it is. BUT. Like the idiot that she is, she likes to blame herself. Sigh... No helping that...
Every single time she gets mad at you, she's even madder at herself for getting mad at you. She knows you can't help being busy and that you have a lot of things to do, but she feels ignored anyway. That's just how she is.
She trys NOT to get angry, but the harder she tries, the angrier she gets.
Like I said, you're not ready yet. You can try, I'm not stopping you. It's not my problem if you want to research her as your life's experiment. I'm pretty sure that she'd want that too. Boy, be careful, this experiment that you're taking up, is extreamly fragile, and although it looks like a diamond, IT'S NOT! Once it hits the ground, you can never put it back together, unless you catch the falling experiment with your hands before it touches the ground. That might save it.
But firstly, do you know why she's like that?
I guess not many people know...
You're right for one thing, you have thread deeper into her than most people, in fact, you're the only one who was able to go so deep into her heart. Nobody has reached the place that you touched. Even though you might doubt, I THINK that you understand her the most, besides me. I THINK, I could be wrong, but, yeah, you understand her, that's for sure. It's just a matter of... Words that she uses. You know, she uses them on purpose to make you confused and restless, in a way, to her, it's like revenge for leaving her alone. And now, she's making you feel the same way she felt when you were away. I hope you feel good. Hah!
I can see that you're texting her right now, we'll see what happens later. Seems like she's in a good mood tonight. Don't screw up.
Let me ask you something my dear boy, what can you do for her?
It's tough isn't it?
Yes. You understand her, you do. You know her problems, you know why she cries and is depressed. It's her PMR isn't it? So you should know. The pressure isn't from the test iself, it's from the teachers, parents, HOMEWORK... And the one thing you love most- Band.
Unlike you, your parents never minded about your results as long as you tried your best. Her parents, is somewhere between carefree and result-caring. She often wonders you know? What do they want from her, she's average at everything except for Math. So, why can't they let it slip? That one little subject? It's important, she knows, but she just can't do it. So why do they force her? I don't know either, I guess I can never understand parents.
Like the type of person she is, we both know that forcing her is useless. They say that forcing is sometimes a way to achieve what you want, but, WRONG. It doesn't apply to ALL human beings in ALL fields. In her case, the more you force, the more she stresses over it, and the more she hates it.
So what can you do boy? Tell me. What else can you do besides comfort her when she's depressed, spend every little extra time on your hands with her, and just bandage her wounds that wont stop bleeding? You make her feel better for a while, then she goes all berserk again. You can't change anything can you? You're just making things worse, she HAS to HAVE you. Without you, she'd die. Is that what you want? I know it's not what I want. She loves you, but if she relies on you too much, both of you are the ones who will get hurt, and be forced to part ways. Unless you can prove me wrong, I'll disappear forever and never disturb the both of you. Cause if you prove me wrong, it's obvious that I lost to you.
10 out of 7 times, she's depressed. Where else can she go? But to you. Her parents are good parents, but they just don't understand. They never did care about what she was going through emotionally, they never even knew.
Most of the times when she's long-faced and moody because the stress is too much she can't bear it, her mum would ask her what's wrong but she'd reply irritatedly. Making her mother furious, and then her mother would start shouting at her.
I wonder what would happen if she actually tried to tell. You know her. She could never get things out so easily. Isn't her most used word 'nothing'? The word that makes you worry.
She told me of course, I asked her why wouldn't she tell her mum about her problems. The response I got was head shaking and salty tears falling down.
"She would tell me that I'm crazy and that I should stop the nonsense," she said to me one day. She did exactly what she was told to do- SHUT UP. And so, she never answered anybody when she's moody, she couldn't get her problems out because she thought that nobody would care anyway. Until I came along, then you.
" 'Why wont you answer me! Why have you becomed like this! What the hell is wrong with you! You weirdo! YOU WEIRD CHILD!' she'd tell me when I'm upset. As a mother, how coud she, when I was already so depressed... I just... Don't understand!" She burst out into tears and soaked my shirt. Speaking was a problem, and so was keeping quiet, what do you expect her to do? What else CAN she do? What else can YOU do?
" 'Then why wont you tell me! If you'd tell! Things would be different!' my mother would say to me again. I'm really confused. What does she expect? I try to tell her and she says I'm nuts. I do exactly what she says, clamp my mouth shut and she tells me I'm weird. I don't know anything anymore..." She wrote to me. I don't know what to say, how can I help her... I also don't know. But if her mother was better at controlling her temper, I guess your girlfriend wouldn't be so depressed. Now, we both know where she inherited her short temper. If only her parents were like yours, how do you think she'd be? If only her own mother cared more... Emotionally.
Have I anwered your question now? Or was I just blabbering away? Either way, I hope you understand her better now.
All you have to do is just tell her that you're there when she has lost her mind. She wants nothing more than that, nothing more than you. So don't stress yourself, you'd make things worse.
You are an idiot for not understanding her. What use is your vocabulary when you can't understand her SIMPLE english, which consists of words like 'nothing' , 'whatever', 'fine' and so on. The way she puts them, it's like they can mean multiple things, and yes, whatever that you think they mean, no matter how many interpretions, THEY'RE ALL TRUE. When she says that "You did nothing" means that you didn't do anything, anything to make her mad, anything to make her happy.
Bingo. She gets a little bitchy when the decisions you make isn't to her liking, she'd replace the words SCREW YOU and EFF YOU with WHATEVER. When she's really irritated she'd say FINE, you better think twice about being happy. She isn't agreeing, she's thinking long and hard when will you FINALLY realize your mistake and apologize to her, she knows that SHE'S right and YOU'RE wrong.
I pity you sometimes, you know that? How the heck are you even attracted to SUCH a person? UGH. I can never understand that simple mind of yours. Dumbass.
NO! NO! NO!
Don't leave her! I'd be miserable if you did! I'd be the only one she could count on, so , DON'T LEAVE T^T
She doesn't want you to leave, she's just letting you choose, after all, she can't make you stay, can she? That would be selfish of her. You have freedom. Though it REALLY pisses her off, the things you do... It's still your freedom of choice. Six months is some time bro, but yeah, she feels the same, maybe something's changed, but definitely, she wont leave you just yet.
The days of uncertainty eh? Silly boy. Enjoy the time you two still have. Like you said, go with the flow. But if you think too much, it's really... Really... Really... Going to affect your relationship with crazy bitch you're dating =X
Don't tell her what I called her!
Oh my my my. You answer that question, and you die. To her, everything she asks, has a point. She made a 'score meter' for you. Though she doesn't keep track, she'd deduct a mark when you disppoint her. Ah. Who knows how many marks you've lost and gained. It doesn't matter anyway. She doesn't care about the 'score meter', that thing is just for fun.
Hehe. Do you believe me that she's cuckoo now? Or you've always known but love her anyways? Ah, how sweet. I WISH I HAD SOMEONE LIKE YOU >_<
Oops =x
Well. My pleasure. Beeeeeen a long time since anyone called for my help. If you never called, I would have rot in my cage already.
I will now go back to bed and sleep. Thank you for wasting my time you good for nothing dimwit!
Men. I just hate men.
Why wont she tell me that she loves me!
>_<
♥
♥
♥
♥
Yours sincerely,
チェル
Monday, 25 October 2010
Stories`
I can't do it. I can't do it here... Why is it so hard.... For me to do it? I keep erasing... Erasing... They were good, but... Why... I can't do it... I wouldn't write that... Why... But... I like it....
I licked to tip of my blade. That thick, red color... It's a waste if I wash it away. That sweet, sour taste... A bit tingly. I just like how it tastes. Sweet... Red...
I wash my blade and wiped it clean, making sure that I left no trace of myself. Nobody has to find out... That's right, they don't have to know about what I've done. They don't have to know what's missing...
::chuckles::
I just love it... Red... And sour... And a bit... Sweet...
No wonder... They can't get enough of the red thing...
I just love jam.
Hey! Gotcha!
I was gonna write a yuri or yaoi... But... It would be bad if people knew how romantically perverted I can be. No seriously... I'm a perverted little girl xD
Hey, you guys can tell me what you wanna read, and I'll write a short one. LOL. I write everything... Except action types like spying and stuff... I can write zombies, vampires... Shonen-ai, shojo-ai... I could write a straight relationship one... I guess... But, yaoi and yuri are WAAAAYYY more romantic! Seriously!
Oh, I do killings too, and ghost stories.
Fantasy... UGH... I'm bad at those. I suck at fairy tales too.
Come on... Gimme a chance...
If I watch anime all day long in my room, my mom would kill me... DURING THE HOLIDAYS. So, at least gimme something to do. I'm free, so, you can call me out whenever ya' like. Movies are fine, but, dinner or tea would be better! Parties are okay... I guess...
Anyway...
It's mah birthday tomorrow! And well... It's English tomorrow! And... Chinese... But Wednesday... Fuck you! Mathematics!
Don't ask about today. Just ask for my question papers, and you'll understand how I feel. Comments on each question. With loads of unhappy words >=(
私わ変態です
Computers are easier. LOL. I can't write that out...
MemeMe@Rae-Chan_11.38pm
Monday, 13 September 2010
Brother and Sister
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
...
He always gets it his way... Even if we're born on the same day... The same time. Mom and dad always favor him first. Always... What about me? I'm always left alone... And when I finally get myself something I truly deserves, Onii-chan always finds a way... To take it away... Always...
He takes me for granted. He treats me like I'm nothing. Because... It's always him.
Always...
17 years...
In a week... It will be our birthday... April 14... Our birthday.
Our...
That's funny... Our... It's been a long time since it's 'our', it's always just him. From the day we were born, there's only him.
Yes... We're twins... But, we're different.
Onii-chan is cheerful, energetic, sociable...
I am shy, lifeless, unsociable...
Even if I want to be different, I can't.
I can't
I can't
I can't
You can't
You can't
You can't
...
You can't... Imoto can't do it... Just go back before you cry Imoto.
That's what I always get, when I try to be different...
The look on his face, the tone of his voice... It's just making fun of me... One day, I will show him...
He uses my things, without my permission. He never bothers to ask me. When he wants to use something, he just takes it... Snatches it... Even when I'm using it. He doesn't care about my feelings, in his world, there's only himself. Selfish... Such a person, being wanted by the world... While I am an outcast...
Unforgivable...
It's his fault.
Nobody gives me a chance. Nobody.
He steals everything... He STOLE everything...
A shell, filled with hatred.
A flower that holds lies.
Just a slit on the wrist... Isn't enough to kill.
No, it isn't.
How many times I've tried, I've never succeed. If I had, I wouldn't be here. If I had, I would've been put out of my misery.
Blood.
Blood.
Blood.
Where were they when I cut myself? They didn't even know, they didn't even bother to ask how I was doing. But what about him? When he gets a flu, they just rush him to the clinic. When I get a flu, it's just ''go back to bed, you'll be fine''.
Unfair.
Unborn baby's blood...
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
Red water, flowing down her legs...
Tears, flowing down her cheeks...
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
She should have just let the blood flow... Until the baby was drained, but, she didn't. She wanted BOTH babies to be born, so that she could show off twins to the world... Yes... There was such a woman.
What happened after the twins were born?
One was perfect, the other one was not.
They left the other one, they only loved the perfect twin. They checked on the other twin once in a while. They grew up together, a boy... And a girl...
One had pretty clothes and shoes, the other had old dresses, and worn shoes.
Hatred formed in the young girl's heart... She didn't know what to do, or who to hate... There was just too many.
17 years...
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
Dead brother's blood...
I shall color awhite rose red.
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
Dead mother's blood...
I shall paint awhite gown red.
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
Dead Father's blood...
I shall paint a white suit red.
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
Let the bloods of three join together, join together... Flow together... Flow together through the gates of Hell. Flow like the river we once swam in, flow... Into Hell...
***
I HAVE GOT TO STOP WATCHING ANIME!!!!!!!!!!!! T^T
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
許せない
...
He always gets it his way... Even if we're born on the same day... The same time. Mom and dad always favor him first. Always... What about me? I'm always left alone... And when I finally get myself something I truly deserves, Onii-chan always finds a way... To take it away... Always...
He takes me for granted. He treats me like I'm nothing. Because... It's always him.
Always...
17 years...
In a week... It will be our birthday... April 14... Our birthday.
Our...
That's funny... Our... It's been a long time since it's 'our', it's always just him. From the day we were born, there's only him.
Yes... We're twins... But, we're different.
Onii-chan is cheerful, energetic, sociable...
I am shy, lifeless, unsociable...
Even if I want to be different, I can't.
I can't
I can't
I can't
You can't
You can't
You can't
...
You can't... Imoto can't do it... Just go back before you cry Imoto.
That's what I always get, when I try to be different...
The look on his face, the tone of his voice... It's just making fun of me... One day, I will show him...
He uses my things, without my permission. He never bothers to ask me. When he wants to use something, he just takes it... Snatches it... Even when I'm using it. He doesn't care about my feelings, in his world, there's only himself. Selfish... Such a person, being wanted by the world... While I am an outcast...
Unforgivable...
It's his fault.
Nobody gives me a chance. Nobody.
He steals everything... He STOLE everything...
A shell, filled with hatred.
A flower that holds lies.
Just a slit on the wrist... Isn't enough to kill.
No, it isn't.
How many times I've tried, I've never succeed. If I had, I wouldn't be here. If I had, I would've been put out of my misery.
Blood.
Blood.
Blood.
Where were they when I cut myself? They didn't even know, they didn't even bother to ask how I was doing. But what about him? When he gets a flu, they just rush him to the clinic. When I get a flu, it's just ''go back to bed, you'll be fine''.
Unfair.
Unborn baby's blood...
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
Red water, flowing down her legs...
Tears, flowing down her cheeks...
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
She should have just let the blood flow... Until the baby was drained, but, she didn't. She wanted BOTH babies to be born, so that she could show off twins to the world... Yes... There was such a woman.
What happened after the twins were born?
One was perfect, the other one was not.
They left the other one, they only loved the perfect twin. They checked on the other twin once in a while. They grew up together, a boy... And a girl...
One had pretty clothes and shoes, the other had old dresses, and worn shoes.
Hatred formed in the young girl's heart... She didn't know what to do, or who to hate... There was just too many.
17 years...
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
Dead brother's blood...
I shall color a
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
Dead mother's blood...
I shall paint a
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
Dead Father's blood...
I shall paint a white suit red.
Drip...
Drip...
Drip...
Let the bloods of three join together, join together... Flow together... Flow together through the gates of Hell. Flow like the river we once swam in, flow... Into Hell...
***
I HAVE GOT TO STOP WATCHING ANIME!!!!!!!!!!!! T^T
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