ウルトラタワー ULTRA TOWER: One of my Favourite bands, so please, LISTEN!

It is unusual that my selfish existence would take time off my idle schedule to blog about matters concerning the real world. Today, I'd like to recommend one of my favourite Japanese bands to you who is here. Am I in a good mood to do so? Not quite. The fact that nobody listens to them enough irked me to the point that I thought I'd at least write about them and make whoever is reading listen to them.

食戟のソーマ, Shokugeki no Souma, 食戟之灵, or Food Wars-- have you watched the anime? Then you must be familiar with its first OP theme, 希望の唄 (Kibou no Uta), Song of Hope. Having been chosen as an anime (a well-known one too!) OP theme, this song is of course widely available on the internet and illegal download sites but ignorant Weaboos, they often don't even credit the original band. Hmph. Since I realise that not all of you watch anime, and even if you do you might not have watched Shokugeki, here is Ultra Tower's most famous hit:

Ultra Tower, Kibou no Uta

Empowering songs are often not to my liking, but I love shouting 生まれ変わる！今ここで！仰いでいた空超えて行く！握り締めて掌のその中に希望があったんだ～！whenever I'm in the car. 

The next two songs are my personal top two favourites from Ultra Tower. Trust them to have more sentimental value with lyrics that stab you right in the heart. 

Ultra Tower, Rin

The first time I heard Rin, my heart ached and even though I couldn't fully grasp the lyrics, I wanted to cry. If you must know, it is a song on unrequited love. 

Ultra Tower, Haru ni Nokoru Yuki

Between Rin and this one, which do you think is better? The title translates to The Leftover Snow in Spring. 

Next up, we have HELLO, my number one before I discovered the rest of their songs. If you're wondering where I dug for their songs despite their obscurity, I bought them all on iTunes. 

Ultra Tower, HELLO

It's a cute song, isn't it? We're almost done! So far, I hope you've enjoyed listening to their music. 

暇な夜、雨が降る

A little relaxing song called On an Idle Night, the Rain Falls to thank you for making it this far. 

If you like them, consider buying their songs through iTunes! Some other songs I like but couldn't really find on YouTube include Sayounara and Fiction. But please, just preview everything for yourself and decide~ 

iTunes link:  https://itunes.apple.com/jp/artist/ultra-tower/298383358?l=en

Oh, just one more video. It's their cover of Spitz's Unme no Hito which I think is better than the original version. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpDnM6auNjM

At the end of it all, they disbanded last March. Unfortunately, the bands Reicheru really treasure from the bottom of her heart are all no longer active, like Oasis. At least they'll be with me forever, so long as I don't lose my devices. 

Kiss the Rain

Emotional little me suddenly missed the tune of this song, and so I printed out the sheet music and started to play it. Somehow, it sounds like how I feel at the moment. I'm happy, grateful, I want to hold on to what I have, yet there's so much that can't be promised...

I don't know how to put my feelings into words-- I always don't. That's why I seek comfort and enlightenment in the music that I play... Candidly, I just deleted four paragraphs. I don't know if I'm lying to myself, or just afraid of telling the truth. 

Wake up, I tell myself. This dream is killing you. I know that very well. Sometimes, it's not that I don't know what's tearing me apart, I just don't want to admit it. I know damn well the thing that's suffocating me, tightening my chest, holding me down and making me ache... I just wished that something else was the cause of all this pain. 

You're like the rain. Something I love, something I'm grateful for that's in my life. Like all the joy these droplets bring, there are consequences. The clouds that gather on a rainy day; emotions that bring me down. The mud that stains my white shoes; the feelings that are impossible to wash away so soon. Dancing in the rain is like being in your embrace, I love it yet it's not something I should be doing. A brief moment of happiness, followed by days and days of pain. I ask myself if it's worth it. Why bother? I already know the answer. I just wish it was the other way around. 

I wonder if you'd turn away, after knowing how I really feel. 

I didn't think I'd lose myself this soon, you know? I'm such an idiot! I guess that's what I get for making Courage the Cowardly Dog my role model when I was younger! "The things I do for love!" that purple dog would exclaim every time he does something he'd rather not do-- all for the sake of his beloved Muriel. 

Albeit just days ago that I performed on stage, I miss playing Fate of the Gods. I want to do it again, and again and again and again and again! Even though my part is just... Meh... I still want to perform it. "Oh, I like my part, I just hold one note!" said no trombonist ever.

My mood's improving, thanks to a piggy back ride that didn't really exist.

You make me smile.

There's so much left to say, but... Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid. Not everything in life is meant to be understood. Another depressing quote that my mother post on my wall. Great. Thanks a lot, mum, now I just feel like crying in a corner. 

Small Competition, Big Experience

I'm sitting in front of the piano, ready to play another piece. I want to write a bit first before I continue... Maybe I should fill my tummy, it's grumbling. Dinner was rushed, didn't even finish it! Only had twenty minutes to pack everything, get ready and board the bus!

Yes, competition is over.

Best performance, gold class. Finally, after 17 years of my life, I've shed tears of joy. They didn't flow down my cheeks, but they did flood my eyes. I was happy... Really happy. So happy that it could only last for one minute.

Winning is one thing, enjoying myself up there and making music is another. This round, I enjoyed myself and in the end, we were the best-- not because of technique, but because we played from our hearts. Candidly, there were bands that had far more superior techniques, but at the end of the day, they only did what the piece of sheet music wanted.

Who knew that a little competition like this could make me believe in myself? It actually made me realise that I'm more than what I give myself credit for. I guess I was appointed section leader-- without my consent-- because they saw much more in me than I ever did. I'm not the shining star, I'm just one of the colours that make up the dark skies, making the beauty of those glistening rocks more noticeable. I know I'm not good enough to be the main soloist, but I still solo all the time. In case everyone forgets, I'm the forever alone bass trombonist... Nobody wants my part.

I thought I was being ridiculously soft while playing and sounded really bad... But damn, I could hear myself in my sister's recording. I actually facepalmed myself when I did. I was a bit too loud! But it's really tiring for a trombonist to play it soft T^T

Junt seems to be really inspirational this round. Technique isn't something that can stop you from making good music. Just play with your heart and your audience will be drawn to you. Of course, if we didn't have any technique at all, we wouldn't have been able to go up on stage! The audience are just like tomatoes, ignore them and play like they're deaf and they'll end up becoming clapping tomatoes.

Hm... Damn camera man made me really God damned nervous. Always beside me, even tried shooting directly at my face! But then, I freaked out, played a few airy notes and he decided to finally move away. Thank God for that large bell of my Yamaha! If not, my face would have been up on the big screens... I guess I can't handle a tomato that's holding a camera.

We did make some mistakes up there, but the performance was still breathtaking, making people forget to breathe. Judge Robert said he forgot to breathe during a part in Fate of the Gods. Our flutist was greatly complimented by lady judge, but the only change that was suggested to made was... He should stop moving his body so much. It would affect the air pressure inside his body, thus affecting sound projection. Expressive, that boy; a little too expressive. I think he did improve though, a year ago, it was as if he was gently head-banging to his own delicate solos.

After this little national-level competition, I think I've become a better musician. It's thanks to Junt's words, that technique isn't what's important and the music we play is what we want it to be, not what the score wants it to be. After all, the sheet music is just a dead piece of A4 paper. I think my piano playing might have impoved a little since I'm happy with how I end up playing my music, instead of following printed A4 paper all the way...

My, my, look at the time!

0133

Neighbors, please tell me you can't hear my playing!

Christmas Morning with Music and a lot of Thinking!

It's so early back home that nobody's online to chat with me! Maroon 5 is playing in Lisa's small home, and yeah, Songs About Jane is their best album. It won't be long before I put Coldplay in the player though... Ah, Parachutes remind me of you, my dear.

After the whole Thailand incident, Zongxu has been treating me better, and it feels really uncomfortable. He sounds so girly and all that it feels as if he's just a prostitute... I know I tend to be wearing the pants in this relationship, but please, just go back to your normal serious bitchy self and let me feel like a girl. Sheesh.

YOU ARE NOT CUTE! 

More champagne please, thank you.

Anyway, Merry Christmas!

I can get used to the western lifestyle, really. It's so relaxing, so free, so flexible... I don't want to go back! But well, I'll have to finish high school first before I say goodbye, it's easier that way. The way people do things here isn't much different from the way I do things, so yeah, I feel much more at home than I do back home.

 There's something I've come to realise over the years though, it's that I don't want to date a Caucasian. Relationship wise, I'd like to be with an Asian. I don't know, Caucasians aren't very hot actually, and I like cute people, not hot ones. Zongxu is neither, so I'll have to get rid of him-- or at least his hair, it's getting pretty damn ugly... Okay, his hair is just plain fugly. It was bearable in the past, but now, it has become so bushy... SO THICK... God damn it, boy, you are not a sheep!

Alright, after Sunday Morning, I'm popping Coldplay in.

I feel like I've changed, and the way I treat my boyfriend, you'd want to break up with me already if you were him. I just plain despise him right now, I get angry whenever I talk to him, and he's the last person I'd want to tell my story to. It has become very hard for me talk to him because I don't even want to try! He wants to fix things, desperately holding all the pieces together, but I don't see anything getting better. Honestly, the more he tries to patch things up, the bigger the hole gets! I wish he'd just stop fixing things on his own and just ask me how I'd want to mend the tear!

I have to go now, it's time for presents! YAY!

Shiver is playing, and you know... Sometimes, I do love you... There's no line, you're the only here, waiting to see if I care. I don't think you'll always be waiting, you're bound to leave someday. Is it me, you see? Is it me, you hear, so loud and so clear? Do I know how much you need me? I don't know... You tell me.

For once in my life, I'd like to be confessed to. I'm tired to be the wearing the pants.

Off to Mum's for presents!

Bundle of Thoughts

It's been more than a week since I came to Sydney. The first few days here, I didn't let him occupy my mind so much, but as the day passes, I found it harder and harder to leave him out of my mind although it should be the other way round. The photos from the 33rd Passing Out only made matters worse, reminding me of how cute he looks. Of course, the photos also burnt me, since I couldn't be with Zinc, Zongxu and a few of the bandies I consider as friends. I wished I was home, having fun with all of them. Somehow though, it's destined that I miss this year's Passing Out. Even if I was back in Sitiawan, I wouldn't be able to make it since my grandpa was lying in Ipoh Hospital, unconscious and weak.

Don't, don't let me go,

Don't let me hold on when you're not...

Don't, don't turn away,

What can I say so you won't?

Don't Let Me Go,

The Click Five

I miss Zinc. She's the only one I can talk to about my current problem. Although Johnson(Quah =-=) is my  brother/sister, I don't want to trouble him again with this pathetic topic. He's done enough, and I don't think he's quite happy helping me out though, since I know how annoying I can be. I don't usually share my problems with people because I'm afraid that they'd think me a burden. Yes, I'm self-conscious. The only person I really go to is xu, and he doesn't make me feel unwanted even though he sometimes hate me too~ Anyway, I can assure you guys that this will be the FIRST and LAST time I discuss my love affairs with my friends. I'm ashamed of myself for causing so much trouble *BOW*

At night, 

The town is quiet like the bottom of the ocean.

I continue down this road by myself,

Guided by a distant voice.

Ningyo Hime,

Rie Tanaka

Zongxu is away at church camp. I hate to break it to him now, but there exist something as 0.facebook.com. I guess that idiot has been drumming too damn much that he forgets the existence of some things that are sometimes useful. I'm slowly starting to miss my boyfriend, but to tell the truth, I'M MISSING MY PET EVEN MORE! 

Did I tell you guys that my Macadamia has acquired bed-climbing skills? Oh, nowhere is safe! My mum should be afraid, even more afraid! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! 

Sigh... I miss my Macadamia a lot. I wonder how she's doing without me. Is she stressing out? Is she losing fur and quills due to depression? Has she forgotten about me? Is she eating right? Is she cold? Oh... It's another three weeks before I can see my fragile little girl! 

In Sydney, I go to parks and lie down, look at the sky and listen to music to help me think.When I'm feeling up for it, I'd just lie on my belly and write my time away. I like it a lot here, and I feel at home.

When this day is through,

 I hope that I will find that tomorrow will be just the same for you and me.

All I need will be mine if you are here. 

Top of The World,

The Carpenters

Ah, Jay Chou, always there when I need to feel emotional. Night Song from his album November's Chopin never fails to make me lie down and think about my lovelife, the tune gives a sort of dark and hopeless mood; makes me feel like a person who has lost every meaning to live. Suga Shikao's Kazanagi is also a beautifully heart-breaking song, tears would always want to flood my eyes whenever it's on.

There's also a band that I listen to ten times a day when I'm feeling really down, and they're The Click Five. These few days, the songs Don't Let Me Go and Good As Gold are helping me to think. The two songs, each to think about specific people: my hard-to-forget wanna-be Korean and xu. 

Thinking that you probably had the intention in the very beginning,

I guess I shouldn't be bothered then; 

I won't even try to find out.

 Whom should I despise? 

What should I suppress away?

You, leaving without even a hand wave... 

 Actually, now, my chest keeps tensing up and up,

and my tear drops keep falling without restraint. 

Sorrow and ocean waves are alike, 

because they both come back and back again.

Will it slowly leave some day,

Just like a deformed nailed being pulled off?

 Kazanagi,

Suga Shikao

Dark Ages of my Passion

Sigh...

I've been through this depressing phase before, but I was never as depressed as I am now. What's the problem? I'm not even sure.

I always went back; I was enthusiastic. Now, I just stay at home, waiting for time to pass as I lie on my bed deciding, contemplating. I need time to think, not people to give me warnings. In fact, I'd very much like it if I get kicked out because then, I won't have to explain why I want to leave.

For the past year or so, I told myself to stay because quitting would be a waste--not a mistake-- since I've been in the band for quite some time already. As I dragged on longer, the time I needed to serve got shortened, making leaving an even harder and unworthy a choice.

I know that you feel disheartened already, Apple-nee. To you, the band comes first and all else comes after--or at least that's how it was-- I wonder how you feel and what are your thoughts. It's funny, that you're reading this and wondering who this Apple-nee is when it is in fact you but you're the only one oblivious to what I call you when the rest of the world already knows; I could be wrong, you could have found out; you could have known all this while that you are the one that I am guiltily thinking of.

Things would be bad if my batch's band-obsessed tuba player finds out that yet another one of his friends has lost passion. The guy would be more emotional than I am right now, ignoring people and sitting in a lonely corner with his head down as if he's the one going through this whole dilemma.

My boyfriend is busy with his own life and is frustrated with his own things, unable to hear me out. Actually, I prefer to settle band-related issues by myself because the boyfriend usually make things worse tenfold, and we end up arguing afterwards.

Ah, my brother is back.

Ah, my hedgehog is climbing on top of things she shouldn't fucking go near.

I'm sorry, I'm frustrated...

ARGH! Macadamia just nipped the tissue paper again! Great. Now, she's climbing all over my incense, topping candle holders over... Just blocked the entrance to my candle collection with a teddy bear... MUAHAHAHA NOW SHE CAN'T ENTER! I think she decided to make my candle corner her home... Oh well...

The most unlikely of people texted me. I ended up telling him I was depressed, and we all know I don't usually share my problems with other people--just my journals and occasionally my blog--but he said that friends should look out for each other and that's exactly what he did. His texts were full smileys, a feminine arrangement with a woman's choice of words; it made me feel like I was talking to a girl bestfriend T^T One that I could only dream of having. Thank you, it meant a lot =) and oh, thanks for being the only person who lets me take their scooter for a ride xD

Time to say goodnight.

I'm obsessed with playing D-flat major songs lately. The five flats excite me so much.

Samedi (Saturday) Post

I landed myself on a part-time job as a librarian. I guess this is my first part-time job... But if you count being a translator at Obsession Scans a part-time job as well, then I guess being a librarian would be my SECOND job... Hmm...

I don't know what I want to write actually... We all know that I can't write with seriousness about myself because little me just isn't the practical type. Sometimes, I wonder if knocking my head too often when I was a baby loosened the screws in my head. 

I only work once a week, 4 to 5 hours on Saturday. The very kind and understanding owner of Smalltown-Books, Mr.Ing, says that I should focus on my schoolwork instead. I didn't tell him that I don't do my homework though, in case he thinks I'm a very irresponsible person... Well, there aren't any homework to begin with. I like being at the store; surrounded by more than 3000 books just makes me feel at home. My job is simple, and I get to read so many books... I'm so happy I could die! Although, looking through the bookshelves did give me a major headache... This could be a great start for me to improve my writing and find my own unique style of telling the story.

I learnt some French today =D

French sounds really fancy, probably because they add 'la', 'le' and 'les' in front of EVERYTHING... Almost everything... I actually don't know what the 'la', 'le' and 'les' are for, but if I guessed correctly then 'la' means the, 'le' is singular and 'les' is plural... I don't know... I read a French book for kids!

Today's post title also has a French word in it. Yep, 'Samedi' is Saturday in French. 

Bread is called 'le pain' in French. I told Zongxu that I wanted some 'le pain' and he smacked me--through the phone. Shorts are called 'le shorts'... I know... They just add a 'le' in front to make it sound all fancy, Haha. Cookies are called 'le biscuit'... Candies are called 'bonbons', which in my opinion, sounds really cute. Shower is called 'douche', which reminds me of douche-bags, and soap is 'savon'. An apple would be 'le pomme' and a pear is 'le paire', if I'm not mistaken. Ah, and a cat is 'le chat' which sounds a whole lot fancier than the evil creature deserves! Kittens are... well... 'les chatton'... Acorns are called 'le bud' for some reason. Ah, let's not forget 'le escargot', which means snail in English. Oh, oh, and 'le fromage'(cheese). 

Okay, I'll stop now. I want some bonbons. 

I wonder if I should take up French, haha. Looks easier than Japanese. A whole lot easier. I think I kinda get how French works already... It sounds kinda stuck up actually, the person who invented it must be a really proud person because it sounds like everything is being scorned at, that's what I think anyway. I haven't read about the French language on Wikipedia. 

My, my, it's getting late and I'm getting sick. I wonder if I am fit to parade tomorrow.

...

I lost you,

where are you,

I can't see you,

where is the light?

Turn on the lights,

I'm going round in circles,

just looking for you.

I can't feel anything,

I'm feeling with my hands,

where are the walls,

where are the floors?

Can't you hear me calling you?

Can't you feel my desperation and loneliness?

Where are you, I ask you again.

It's wet.

It's warm.

A dim light shines.

I see you.

You're lying on the floor,

knife in your hand.

It's your blood I felt.

I stand there.

I drop to my knees...

...

Well, how was that little thing I just wrote? It was inspired by the song 'Not Tomorrow' from the OST of Silent Hill. I've been playing that song on the piano since yesterday, and I just needed to express it with some words... I still haven't completed Silent Hill because I'm too scared to continue. I need someone to play with me, so I don't get scared alone!