Writing on a Tuesday Night

I have read approximately 10 pages of my history notebook, but somehow, it felt as if I had read a hundred pages already. I want to say this to my history paper: Come at me, bro.

Ironically, I'm writing on a Tuesday night. For the past few months, I have observed my writing patterns and Tuesday happens to be the day where I cannot write at all! I just realized that I had my English test on a Tuesday... It's all clear to me now, the fact that I couldn't write this morning was because today's a freaking Tuesday! I will not accept a failure! I WILL NOT! God, please don't let me fail. Of all the things I could write about, I chose the one thing that I couldn't describe: my best childhood memory. I disagreed with the title of the essay at the end of my essay. FML.

Macadamia bit me again just now. Haha. I left my hand inside the blanket it was sleeping in... Serves me right! She's unusually defensive today though; I wonder if it's because I applied some insect repellent or it's because my hands smell like crab =-=  Lazy little hedgehog is sleeping again. So much for being nocturnal huh? She sleeps 24 hours a day! Not a sound from the little fella. Thanks to her, my biological clock is set to wake me up at around five in the morning; I clean her poop and wipe her pee after I fill her food bowl with cat food. It usually takes about five minutes... Unless she stepped on her poop the night before and I have to scrub-scrub-scrub the floor! Anyway, I find her lovely albeit she has bad table etiquette and can be quite the grump. Hpmh.

Grandma--like always-- is pronouncing Macadamia's name wrongly. She calls her Macedonia, a country in southeastern Europe. Ah, grandma~ she calls my neighbour Soleha (a maid we use to have) when her name is  actually Zaleha.

My next blog post will probably be about the lies I want to tell, so be prepared for an entry full of lies! Lies or not though, they're all related to my current situation.

Is it the mating season for crickets again? They are really loud today! I checked my windows to see if they were shut because even my room echoed with the shrill creaking sounds of horny male crickets; it's kind of repulsive when the relaxing sound of nature is actually millions of insects and animals trying to get laid. Yikes. Let's ignore the fact for now.

I know that it's very random of me to want to include something about my love life in a post like this... But what the heck, here's the last line of the traditional ballad Scarborough Fair:

When he has done and finished his work.

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme:

Oh, tell him to come and he'll have his shirt,

And he shall be a true lover of mine. 

 

 

Scarborough Fair 

Dark Ages of my Passion

Sigh...

I've been through this depressing phase before, but I was never as depressed as I am now. What's the problem? I'm not even sure.

I always went back; I was enthusiastic. Now, I just stay at home, waiting for time to pass as I lie on my bed deciding, contemplating. I need time to think, not people to give me warnings. In fact, I'd very much like it if I get kicked out because then, I won't have to explain why I want to leave.

For the past year or so, I told myself to stay because quitting would be a waste--not a mistake-- since I've been in the band for quite some time already. As I dragged on longer, the time I needed to serve got shortened, making leaving an even harder and unworthy a choice.

I know that you feel disheartened already, Apple-nee. To you, the band comes first and all else comes after--or at least that's how it was-- I wonder how you feel and what are your thoughts. It's funny, that you're reading this and wondering who this Apple-nee is when it is in fact you but you're the only one oblivious to what I call you when the rest of the world already knows; I could be wrong, you could have found out; you could have known all this while that you are the one that I am guiltily thinking of.

Things would be bad if my batch's band-obsessed tuba player finds out that yet another one of his friends has lost passion. The guy would be more emotional than I am right now, ignoring people and sitting in a lonely corner with his head down as if he's the one going through this whole dilemma.

My boyfriend is busy with his own life and is frustrated with his own things, unable to hear me out. Actually, I prefer to settle band-related issues by myself because the boyfriend usually make things worse tenfold, and we end up arguing afterwards.

Ah, my brother is back.

Ah, my hedgehog is climbing on top of things she shouldn't fucking go near.

I'm sorry, I'm frustrated...

ARGH! Macadamia just nipped the tissue paper again! Great. Now, she's climbing all over my incense, topping candle holders over... Just blocked the entrance to my candle collection with a teddy bear... MUAHAHAHA NOW SHE CAN'T ENTER! I think she decided to make my candle corner her home... Oh well...

The most unlikely of people texted me. I ended up telling him I was depressed, and we all know I don't usually share my problems with other people--just my journals and occasionally my blog--but he said that friends should look out for each other and that's exactly what he did. His texts were full smileys, a feminine arrangement with a woman's choice of words; it made me feel like I was talking to a girl bestfriend T^T One that I could only dream of having. Thank you, it meant a lot =) and oh, thanks for being the only person who lets me take their scooter for a ride xD

Time to say goodnight.

I'm obsessed with playing D-flat major songs lately. The five flats excite me so much.

Alienware M14x or hp Pavilion dv4?

Finals have officially begun!

I have never felt anxious about exams because I already know my outcomes. I know what I can do and what I can't; I just live with it unlike SOME people I know who try to memorize as many answers as possibly just so they'd get good grades.

Anyway, instead of fretting of my grades like a normal Asian should, I'm more anxious about getting a new laptop. I have two choices in mind right now: Alienware M14x and hp Pavilion dv4.

Alienware M14x

• 3rd Generation Intel® Core™ i7-3630QM Processor (6MB Cache, up to 3.4GHz w/ Turbo Boost 2.0)
• Windows® 7 Home Premium SP1 64bit (English)
• 14.0" (35.56 cm) WLED HD+ (900p) display (1600X900)
• 8GB² Dual Channel DDR3 SDRAM at 1600MHz
• 1TB 5400RPM Hard Drive
• 2 GB GDDR5 NVIDIA® GeForce®GT 650M using NVIDIA Optimus™ technology
• Slot Load 8X DVD+/-RW Drive with DVD+R double layer write capability
• 2.92kg

Alienware. Gaming laptop. It's about RM5000, which makes me cry since I can't afford it and that my parents will be like this when I tell them I want a new laptop worth half a thousand:

Of course, the main reason why I even considered it was because it's a gaming laptop. Perfect for RPGs, great graphics and decent sound; it's all I need in a laptop. Since I only play offline, I think it's a waste for me to get this laptop. I have very low self-esteem and I'm not very good with people so I can't battle online, I'd panic if something goes wrong and I- and probably the rest of the players- would blame myself when my team loses. 

Tell me that a girl like me shouldn't get a laptop like that because it'd just be wasting. 

Operating system

Windows® 7 Home Premium 64

Processors

Intel® Core™ i5-3210M • 2.5 GHz

Chipset

Intel HM77 Express

Memory, standard

4 GB 1600 MHz DDR3 (1 x 4 GB)

Memory slots

2 user accessible

Graphics

NVIDIA GeForce GT 630M (2 GB DDR3 dedicated)

Hard drive description

750 GB SATA (7200 rpm)

Compared to M14x, seeing Pavilion dv4's processor speed at 2.5 GHz makes my heart ache a lot. This looks like your average laptop; plain, boring. It is affordable though, about HALF the price of M14x. My parents would consider getting me this laptop if I asked them since it's only about RM2500. If I work hard and be stingy enough, I could even save enough to buy it!

Tell me to get this one, since it's something a girl like me should have: plain, affordable, plain. 

Ah, I need some comments... I'm always indecisive like this. I really want M14x, but if I think about it economically... T^T BUT I STILL WANT IT...! Anyway, give me your opinions. 

I will not be able to sleep tonight, I'm sure of it. I'll be tossing and turning in bed, thinking about which laptop I should get and how I can earn money fast enough to get myself the one I want. ~!@#$%^&*()_+ It's exam month too! 

Unless my current laptop 'accidentally' falls out my room window, I don't think that my parents will listen to my proposal for a new laptop. Hmph. One time, my siblings and relatives even signed a petition asking dad for an air-conditioner in the hall and he just looked at our signatures, said "meh" and went back to lazing around. 

I can't complain much. My parents are already kind enough to buy me an air ticket to Australia as a gift for my 16th birthday. Asking for a new laptop when they've already spent so much is kind of rude and bratty... Hmm... I guess I'll do enough part-time jobs and earn as much as I possibly can; here's the ironic part of things: my mom doesn't want me working part-time yet she complains that I spend too much of dad's hard-earned money. 

It's late. 

Leave your comments! or just talk to me when you see me. 

Head in the Clouds

Finals start tomorrow; the opening subject is biology and what am I doing? Planning what to do and where to go when I arrive Sydney this coming December, eating McDonald's, typing with oily fingers and thinking about my pet who is just upstairs.

I simply have NO mood at all to study. I find that even staring at the fan turn is more interesting than reading a line in my biology book. I feel absolutely HOPELESS and I really, really, really regret choosing the science stream. Sometimes, I wonder how my life would turn out to be like if I transferred to convent back in March... Why didn't I though, it's not like the things I'm staying in Nan Hwa for matters a lot -or at least that is what I tell myself- to me. 

SUMMER! SUMMER IN AUSTRALIA!

Sorry, I was having boobies and bikinis in my head. 

Ah... Sigh... 

I find that my relationship is going downhill as well. As I have more and more freedom, I realize that I don't want to be tied to a single person. In other words, I realize that I'm not ready to commit myself just yet. The reason why I even stay in this current relationship is because I don't want to friendzone him. Honestly, he's like a best-friend that I've never had but since he's a guy, I made him my boyfriend. The fact that I want him only as a best-friend scares me... Could it be that we're too close? So close that I think of him as a brother instead of a partner... I talk about the girl I like with him, I mention how I love soft boobs with pink nipples to him, we share the most embarrassing secrets with each other and we say the darnest things too! I love him... I don't know...

The above paragraph just made my sound like a guy, didn't it? Do not doubt my gender, for I have boobies!

Before November and TIMBC could come, I'm already thinking about the events that are going to happen afterwards. 

I find that this year's final exam is really depressing for me. I just don't want to hit the books! Not to mention that I have to skip a day of the exams because I have to go to Singapore to make my I.C. I'm happy that the subject that I'm going to miss is moral, yet sad at the same time because additional mathematics isn't on the same day but the next, which makes things worse tenfold. 

I'm really lazy, and if you want me to tell you the truth, I DON'T WANT TO GO FOR TIMBC 2012. 

As I thought, not transferring to convent was a BIG mistake. 

I'd lost interest in what I do. I don't see the point in what I do and MUST do anymore. A wise man once said: "If you lose your passion, then it's better to leave than to pressure yourself, myself and everybody here."

It's time to bond with Macadamia again... 

Ah, that's right, I haven't updated this blog in a while... I've got a pet hedgehog, Macadamia. She's an African Pygmy and I'll upload a picture or two when I finally take them. Anyway, I don't keep her in a cage because I see no reason to since I know where to find her during the day. She's nocturnal so putting her in a cage at night is useless and it gives me more work because she gets shit all over her cage... ONE time... ONE time was enough to make me stop putting her in a cage. I'm not sure if letting her run free like this is okay or not though... Are there any other hedgehog owners that don't keep their hedgies in a cage?  

Going to McDonald's

in my underwear. 

New Haircut!

By new, I mean REALLY new...

I've always played safe. Recently though, I got tired of my boring hairstyle that I wore for almost three years and decided to get rid of it. My old hairstyle wasn't all that bad, I looked quite good with it, but what the heck? I'm 16, I'm supposed to have a bold, daring hairstyle instead of one that says "I'm tired, go away".

After getting this new cut, I don't look like a writer anymore, and that really kills. The reason why I even stuck to my messy hair of three years was because the bushiness and face-covering fringe made me look artistic... Now, I just look like someone who came out from a manga; totally not what I expected.

As you all know, Rachel Cheong isn't photogenic AT ALL, so that is why there will be no pictures of my face with my new haircut. Yes, I only took pictures of the way my hair looks.

This, my friend,

this the RIGHT side of my head 

=)

Obviously, this is my fringe.

FLAT.

I didn't take a picture of how the left side is like because it's more or less the same length as my OLD hairstyle. Yeeaaah, one side is longer than the other... WAAAAY LONGER~!

I won't keep my current style for very long though; I HATE FLAT FRINGES! I prefer very long fringes that I can sweep to the side because they make my face look less round. Well, no matter what type of fringe, they are all equally irritating. 

My friends had a good laugh when I showed up at band practice and I had a nice time laughing at how they laughed as well. MY FACE IS SO ROOOOOOOOUNNNNDDDDD!

It's time I removed the nail polish on my toes. The colours make my toenails look like Skittles, but I'm tired of them already. Right now, they look like the colours of faded spring, reminding me of the days that will never come again. 

Light blue,

Light green,

What do they remind you of?

I know that looking at my feet isn't helping you think.

XD

Mm? My sister is having her UPSR this week, and she's preparing for her singing competition. I guess not giving a damn about exams runs in the family. But wait, my mum cares. In this whole family, my mum is the person who frets for us all.

I want to dye my hair blue,

get a tattoo,

and regret later.