Ah~
Redoing some parts of my BM folio while I wait for Sekai-ichi Hatsuiko episode 10 to load, and chat with that bald pervert.
I still have some parts left of my geography folio. Like draw a map, print a map, find photos of people burning stuff... Sheesh. And I still have to bind the folios.
It's either wake up at 6am or NOT SLEEP AT ALL.
Father's Day huh... The company can't choose a better day. Dammit.
Oh well... I'm sleepy. I don't know why. I'm always sleepy. I already took a nap just now... SO WHY AM I STILL SLEEPY?
ARGH!
Never mind... Continue to work till my arms break off.
SUCKS.
Saturday, 18 June 2011
Friday, 17 June 2011
A Damn Long Reply
To the desperate and confused boyfriend of a friend,
Things are just fine. Been some time sinced you asked for me. Heh, as I thought, you only need me when you hit a dead end. We've been friends for 15 years, of course I know MOST of the things about her.
Thanks to you, this is my second rewrite, you big screw-up of a guy! Making me waste my precious 20 minutes to reply you but ended up deleting everything because you had to IM me when I was in the mood to write! So this will be LESS effective than the first one, YOU have only yourself to blame you idiot!
Before you moved back and after you've moved back, especially during the week before you moved, she got really, really, REALLY messed up. You know, I know whose fault it is. BUT. Like the idiot that she is, she likes to blame herself. Sigh... No helping that...
Every single time she gets mad at you, she's even madder at herself for getting mad at you. She knows you can't help being busy and that you have a lot of things to do, but she feels ignored anyway. That's just how she is.
She trys NOT to get angry, but the harder she tries, the angrier she gets.
Like I said, you're not ready yet. You can try, I'm not stopping you. It's not my problem if you want to research her as your life's experiment. I'm pretty sure that she'd want that too. Boy, be careful, this experiment that you're taking up, is extreamly fragile, and although it looks like a diamond, IT'S NOT! Once it hits the ground, you can never put it back together, unless you catch the falling experiment with your hands before it touches the ground. That might save it.
But firstly, do you know why she's like that?
I guess not many people know...
You're right for one thing, you have thread deeper into her than most people, in fact, you're the only one who was able to go so deep into her heart. Nobody has reached the place that you touched. Even though you might doubt, I THINK that you understand her the most, besides me. I THINK, I could be wrong, but, yeah, you understand her, that's for sure. It's just a matter of... Words that she uses. You know, she uses them on purpose to make you confused and restless, in a way, to her, it's like revenge for leaving her alone. And now, she's making you feel the same way she felt when you were away. I hope you feel good. Hah!
I can see that you're texting her right now, we'll see what happens later. Seems like she's in a good mood tonight. Don't screw up.
Let me ask you something my dear boy, what can you do for her?
It's tough isn't it?
Yes. You understand her, you do. You know her problems, you know why she cries and is depressed. It's her PMR isn't it? So you should know. The pressure isn't from the test iself, it's from the teachers, parents, HOMEWORK... And the one thing you love most- Band.
Unlike you, your parents never minded about your results as long as you tried your best. Her parents, is somewhere between carefree and result-caring. She often wonders you know? What do they want from her, she's average at everything except for Math. So, why can't they let it slip? That one little subject? It's important, she knows, but she just can't do it. So why do they force her? I don't know either, I guess I can never understand parents.
Like the type of person she is, we both know that forcing her is useless. They say that forcing is sometimes a way to achieve what you want, but, WRONG. It doesn't apply to ALL human beings in ALL fields. In her case, the more you force, the more she stresses over it, and the more she hates it.
So what can you do boy? Tell me. What else can you do besides comfort her when she's depressed, spend every little extra time on your hands with her, and just bandage her wounds that wont stop bleeding? You make her feel better for a while, then she goes all berserk again. You can't change anything can you? You're just making things worse, she HAS to HAVE you. Without you, she'd die. Is that what you want? I know it's not what I want. She loves you, but if she relies on you too much, both of you are the ones who will get hurt, and be forced to part ways. Unless you can prove me wrong, I'll disappear forever and never disturb the both of you. Cause if you prove me wrong, it's obvious that I lost to you.
10 out of 7 times, she's depressed. Where else can she go? But to you. Her parents are good parents, but they just don't understand. They never did care about what she was going through emotionally, they never even knew.
Most of the times when she's long-faced and moody because the stress is too much she can't bear it, her mum would ask her what's wrong but she'd reply irritatedly. Making her mother furious, and then her mother would start shouting at her.
I wonder what would happen if she actually tried to tell. You know her. She could never get things out so easily. Isn't her most used word 'nothing'? The word that makes you worry.
She told me of course, I asked her why wouldn't she tell her mum about her problems. The response I got was head shaking and salty tears falling down.
"She would tell me that I'm crazy and that I should stop the nonsense," she said to me one day. She did exactly what she was told to do- SHUT UP. And so, she never answered anybody when she's moody, she couldn't get her problems out because she thought that nobody would care anyway. Until I came along, then you.
" 'Why wont you answer me! Why have you becomed like this! What the hell is wrong with you! You weirdo! YOU WEIRD CHILD!' she'd tell me when I'm upset. As a mother, how coud she, when I was already so depressed... I just... Don't understand!" She burst out into tears and soaked my shirt. Speaking was a problem, and so was keeping quiet, what do you expect her to do? What else CAN she do? What else can YOU do?
" 'Then why wont you tell me! If you'd tell! Things would be different!' my mother would say to me again. I'm really confused. What does she expect? I try to tell her and she says I'm nuts. I do exactly what she says, clamp my mouth shut and she tells me I'm weird. I don't know anything anymore..." She wrote to me. I don't know what to say, how can I help her... I also don't know. But if her mother was better at controlling her temper, I guess your girlfriend wouldn't be so depressed. Now, we both know where she inherited her short temper. If only her parents were like yours, how do you think she'd be? If only her own mother cared more... Emotionally.
Have I anwered your question now? Or was I just blabbering away? Either way, I hope you understand her better now.
All you have to do is just tell her that you're there when she has lost her mind. She wants nothing more than that, nothing more than you. So don't stress yourself, you'd make things worse.
You are an idiot for not understanding her. What use is your vocabulary when you can't understand her SIMPLE english, which consists of words like 'nothing' , 'whatever', 'fine' and so on. The way she puts them, it's like they can mean multiple things, and yes, whatever that you think they mean, no matter how many interpretions, THEY'RE ALL TRUE. When she says that "You did nothing" means that you didn't do anything, anything to make her mad, anything to make her happy.
Bingo. She gets a little bitchy when the decisions you make isn't to her liking, she'd replace the words SCREW YOU and EFF YOU with WHATEVER. When she's really irritated she'd say FINE, you better think twice about being happy. She isn't agreeing, she's thinking long and hard when will you FINALLY realize your mistake and apologize to her, she knows that SHE'S right and YOU'RE wrong.
I pity you sometimes, you know that? How the heck are you even attracted to SUCH a person? UGH. I can never understand that simple mind of yours. Dumbass.
NO! NO! NO!
Don't leave her! I'd be miserable if you did! I'd be the only one she could count on, so , DON'T LEAVE T^T
She doesn't want you to leave, she's just letting you choose, after all, she can't make you stay, can she? That would be selfish of her. You have freedom. Though it REALLY pisses her off, the things you do... It's still your freedom of choice. Six months is some time bro, but yeah, she feels the same, maybe something's changed, but definitely, she wont leave you just yet.
The days of uncertainty eh? Silly boy. Enjoy the time you two still have. Like you said, go with the flow. But if you think too much, it's really... Really... Really... Going to affect your relationship with crazy bitch you're dating =X
Don't tell her what I called her!
Oh my my my. You answer that question, and you die. To her, everything she asks, has a point. She made a 'score meter' for you. Though she doesn't keep track, she'd deduct a mark when you disppoint her. Ah. Who knows how many marks you've lost and gained. It doesn't matter anyway. She doesn't care about the 'score meter', that thing is just for fun.
Hehe. Do you believe me that she's cuckoo now? Or you've always known but love her anyways? Ah, how sweet. I WISH I HAD SOMEONE LIKE YOU >_<
Oops =x
Well. My pleasure. Beeeeeen a long time since anyone called for my help. If you never called, I would have rot in my cage already.
I will now go back to bed and sleep. Thank you for wasting my time you good for nothing dimwit!
Men. I just hate men.
Why wont she tell me that she loves me!
>_<
♥
♥
♥
♥
Yours sincerely,
チェル
Things are just fine. Been some time sinced you asked for me. Heh, as I thought, you only need me when you hit a dead end. We've been friends for 15 years, of course I know MOST of the things about her.
Thanks to you, this is my second rewrite, you big screw-up of a guy! Making me waste my precious 20 minutes to reply you but ended up deleting everything because you had to IM me when I was in the mood to write! So this will be LESS effective than the first one, YOU have only yourself to blame you idiot!
Before you moved back and after you've moved back, especially during the week before you moved, she got really, really, REALLY messed up. You know, I know whose fault it is. BUT. Like the idiot that she is, she likes to blame herself. Sigh... No helping that...
Every single time she gets mad at you, she's even madder at herself for getting mad at you. She knows you can't help being busy and that you have a lot of things to do, but she feels ignored anyway. That's just how she is.
She trys NOT to get angry, but the harder she tries, the angrier she gets.
Like I said, you're not ready yet. You can try, I'm not stopping you. It's not my problem if you want to research her as your life's experiment. I'm pretty sure that she'd want that too. Boy, be careful, this experiment that you're taking up, is extreamly fragile, and although it looks like a diamond, IT'S NOT! Once it hits the ground, you can never put it back together, unless you catch the falling experiment with your hands before it touches the ground. That might save it.
But firstly, do you know why she's like that?
I guess not many people know...
You're right for one thing, you have thread deeper into her than most people, in fact, you're the only one who was able to go so deep into her heart. Nobody has reached the place that you touched. Even though you might doubt, I THINK that you understand her the most, besides me. I THINK, I could be wrong, but, yeah, you understand her, that's for sure. It's just a matter of... Words that she uses. You know, she uses them on purpose to make you confused and restless, in a way, to her, it's like revenge for leaving her alone. And now, she's making you feel the same way she felt when you were away. I hope you feel good. Hah!
I can see that you're texting her right now, we'll see what happens later. Seems like she's in a good mood tonight. Don't screw up.
Let me ask you something my dear boy, what can you do for her?
It's tough isn't it?
Yes. You understand her, you do. You know her problems, you know why she cries and is depressed. It's her PMR isn't it? So you should know. The pressure isn't from the test iself, it's from the teachers, parents, HOMEWORK... And the one thing you love most- Band.
Unlike you, your parents never minded about your results as long as you tried your best. Her parents, is somewhere between carefree and result-caring. She often wonders you know? What do they want from her, she's average at everything except for Math. So, why can't they let it slip? That one little subject? It's important, she knows, but she just can't do it. So why do they force her? I don't know either, I guess I can never understand parents.
Like the type of person she is, we both know that forcing her is useless. They say that forcing is sometimes a way to achieve what you want, but, WRONG. It doesn't apply to ALL human beings in ALL fields. In her case, the more you force, the more she stresses over it, and the more she hates it.
So what can you do boy? Tell me. What else can you do besides comfort her when she's depressed, spend every little extra time on your hands with her, and just bandage her wounds that wont stop bleeding? You make her feel better for a while, then she goes all berserk again. You can't change anything can you? You're just making things worse, she HAS to HAVE you. Without you, she'd die. Is that what you want? I know it's not what I want. She loves you, but if she relies on you too much, both of you are the ones who will get hurt, and be forced to part ways. Unless you can prove me wrong, I'll disappear forever and never disturb the both of you. Cause if you prove me wrong, it's obvious that I lost to you.
10 out of 7 times, she's depressed. Where else can she go? But to you. Her parents are good parents, but they just don't understand. They never did care about what she was going through emotionally, they never even knew.
Most of the times when she's long-faced and moody because the stress is too much she can't bear it, her mum would ask her what's wrong but she'd reply irritatedly. Making her mother furious, and then her mother would start shouting at her.
I wonder what would happen if she actually tried to tell. You know her. She could never get things out so easily. Isn't her most used word 'nothing'? The word that makes you worry.
She told me of course, I asked her why wouldn't she tell her mum about her problems. The response I got was head shaking and salty tears falling down.
"She would tell me that I'm crazy and that I should stop the nonsense," she said to me one day. She did exactly what she was told to do- SHUT UP. And so, she never answered anybody when she's moody, she couldn't get her problems out because she thought that nobody would care anyway. Until I came along, then you.
" 'Why wont you answer me! Why have you becomed like this! What the hell is wrong with you! You weirdo! YOU WEIRD CHILD!' she'd tell me when I'm upset. As a mother, how coud she, when I was already so depressed... I just... Don't understand!" She burst out into tears and soaked my shirt. Speaking was a problem, and so was keeping quiet, what do you expect her to do? What else CAN she do? What else can YOU do?
" 'Then why wont you tell me! If you'd tell! Things would be different!' my mother would say to me again. I'm really confused. What does she expect? I try to tell her and she says I'm nuts. I do exactly what she says, clamp my mouth shut and she tells me I'm weird. I don't know anything anymore..." She wrote to me. I don't know what to say, how can I help her... I also don't know. But if her mother was better at controlling her temper, I guess your girlfriend wouldn't be so depressed. Now, we both know where she inherited her short temper. If only her parents were like yours, how do you think she'd be? If only her own mother cared more... Emotionally.
Have I anwered your question now? Or was I just blabbering away? Either way, I hope you understand her better now.
All you have to do is just tell her that you're there when she has lost her mind. She wants nothing more than that, nothing more than you. So don't stress yourself, you'd make things worse.
You are an idiot for not understanding her. What use is your vocabulary when you can't understand her SIMPLE english, which consists of words like 'nothing' , 'whatever', 'fine' and so on. The way she puts them, it's like they can mean multiple things, and yes, whatever that you think they mean, no matter how many interpretions, THEY'RE ALL TRUE. When she says that "You did nothing" means that you didn't do anything, anything to make her mad, anything to make her happy.
Bingo. She gets a little bitchy when the decisions you make isn't to her liking, she'd replace the words SCREW YOU and EFF YOU with WHATEVER. When she's really irritated she'd say FINE, you better think twice about being happy. She isn't agreeing, she's thinking long and hard when will you FINALLY realize your mistake and apologize to her, she knows that SHE'S right and YOU'RE wrong.
I pity you sometimes, you know that? How the heck are you even attracted to SUCH a person? UGH. I can never understand that simple mind of yours. Dumbass.
NO! NO! NO!
Don't leave her! I'd be miserable if you did! I'd be the only one she could count on, so , DON'T LEAVE T^T
She doesn't want you to leave, she's just letting you choose, after all, she can't make you stay, can she? That would be selfish of her. You have freedom. Though it REALLY pisses her off, the things you do... It's still your freedom of choice. Six months is some time bro, but yeah, she feels the same, maybe something's changed, but definitely, she wont leave you just yet.
The days of uncertainty eh? Silly boy. Enjoy the time you two still have. Like you said, go with the flow. But if you think too much, it's really... Really... Really... Going to affect your relationship with crazy bitch you're dating =X
Don't tell her what I called her!
Oh my my my. You answer that question, and you die. To her, everything she asks, has a point. She made a 'score meter' for you. Though she doesn't keep track, she'd deduct a mark when you disppoint her. Ah. Who knows how many marks you've lost and gained. It doesn't matter anyway. She doesn't care about the 'score meter', that thing is just for fun.
Hehe. Do you believe me that she's cuckoo now? Or you've always known but love her anyways? Ah, how sweet. I WISH I HAD SOMEONE LIKE YOU >_<
Oops =x
Well. My pleasure. Beeeeeen a long time since anyone called for my help. If you never called, I would have rot in my cage already.
I will now go back to bed and sleep. Thank you for wasting my time you good for nothing dimwit!
Men. I just hate men.
Why wont she tell me that she loves me!
>_<
♥
♥
♥
♥
Yours sincerely,
チェル
Saturday, 11 June 2011
Mashed Post
I'm lazy to blog about my trip to Hatyai. The government ruined everything for me.
THEY BANNED FILE SHARING SITES O_O
That's just... UNACCEPTABLE!
These few days have been nothing but hell.
A tour guide who talks and laughs to herself, with a name that doesn't suit her- Ah Toi Toi.
Coming home, my room's a mess thanks to my LOVELY siblings and cousins. They spilled Coke all over my candles and incense, making my room an ants nest. Burnt Mr.Contented that my dear gave me. And after so long of NOT touching the news paper, the news I saw... Killed me.
ACCESS DENIED!
Sounds interesting... Look... Look... Read... SHOUT.
My maid thought my friend got killed cause I was looking at the papers and shouting like someone died.
Ah. Suddenly, I know what to do for my N.I.E mini mag. Screw the government.
They 3 days in Hatyai was nice. Temples... Temples... And more... Temples. Some shopping. Nice chicken wings... In the hotel room, watching TV with SZN... Korean shows are not bad. BUT... I STILL WONT GET INFECTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, my life is meaningless. Where the hell am I suppose to download my anime and movies?! DUDE! Ahhh!
And you know what? They banned file sharing sites and not porn sites because our PM watches porn everyday. Sheesh.
I have 4 Malay essays to write, 2 English articles to write, 1 Chinese essay to write, a geography folio to complete... And... I have to hand them all in on MONDAY.
GREAT.
Ahhhh! Screw this!
Why can't I just stay in a small cottage by the river, grow some veges and live happily without having to CARE about anything? Ahhhh... If only they never ate the God damned apple.
I have a feeling... I will do my homework... Right now.
THEY BANNED FILE SHARING SITES O_O
That's just... UNACCEPTABLE!
These few days have been nothing but hell.
A tour guide who talks and laughs to herself, with a name that doesn't suit her- Ah Toi Toi.
Coming home, my room's a mess thanks to my LOVELY siblings and cousins. They spilled Coke all over my candles and incense, making my room an ants nest. Burnt Mr.Contented that my dear gave me. And after so long of NOT touching the news paper, the news I saw... Killed me.
ACCESS DENIED!
Sounds interesting... Look... Look... Read... SHOUT.
My maid thought my friend got killed cause I was looking at the papers and shouting like someone died.
Ah. Suddenly, I know what to do for my N.I.E mini mag. Screw the government.
They 3 days in Hatyai was nice. Temples... Temples... And more... Temples. Some shopping. Nice chicken wings... In the hotel room, watching TV with SZN... Korean shows are not bad. BUT... I STILL WONT GET INFECTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, my life is meaningless. Where the hell am I suppose to download my anime and movies?! DUDE! Ahhh!
And you know what? They banned file sharing sites and not porn sites because our PM watches porn everyday. Sheesh.
I have 4 Malay essays to write, 2 English articles to write, 1 Chinese essay to write, a geography folio to complete... And... I have to hand them all in on MONDAY.
GREAT.
Ahhhh! Screw this!
Why can't I just stay in a small cottage by the river, grow some veges and live happily without having to CARE about anything? Ahhhh... If only they never ate the God damned apple.
I have a feeling... I will do my homework... Right now.
THIS SUCKS
Friday, 27 May 2011
Ahhhhh~
Ahhh~ I've finally started on Sekai-ichi Hatsuiko. AHHHH~ My goodness. I wonder why homosexual love relationship excites me. Heck, they excite me more than my own STRAIGHT relationship. Though I think that my boyfriend is gay.
Tee-hee~ After watching 5 episodes and the OVA, I'll stop watching and READ the manga now. Continue to watch episode 6 and 7 while I wait for the release of episode 8!!! Yes! It will be out by tomorrow NIGHT! So will episode 19 of Gosick! Ahhhhhh, another reason why I love Fridays. But... Some things just ruin the love-Friday mood. The top reason is of course Rebecca Black's awful song Friday. Don't remind me.
Wow. After watching Sekai-ichi Hatsuiko, lives of manga authors and editors are THAT scary O_O
BEHOLD! The editors.
Aha~ Editor-in-Chief. Takano.
He reminds me of Usagi from Junjou Romantica.
The perfect seme. AHHHH~
Ritsu. Brown hair, green eyes...
The same as Misaki from Junjou Romantica.
Only...
Misaki is cuter~
Nakamura Shungiku sure is good at writing BL. Ahhhh~ I love her~
I don't know why, but in BL, the seme tend to have a square face, and the uke have... Sharp chin and big eyes... More girly... But... DAMN, they just look so good together, making me feel jealous.
Always wondering how it feels like to date a girl, I know I can experience it someday... But... The thing I'm more interested in knowing is, how does it feel like to be a guy, that dates another guy =x
I always have these fantasies of my life turning out like those in manga and anime. AHAHAHA. Suddenly, I feel like being a guy. The main purpose of course, is so that I could date another guy, and be gay. Hehehe. I just make you want to slap me, don't I?
Stories... They are too good to be true. Why wont she just tell me that she likes me too?! That will make everything more dramatic, and I'll have to choose between her and him which I really can't but truthfully can!!! Oooh, that would make me in the middle, acting as a rope for tug of war. Fair skin, pretty legs, shiny eyes and soft hair... Ahhh~
GEEZUS!
I have to STOP thinking about her, or else, this is going to be BAD for ME. I'll be stuck at home writing about my own yuri fantasies if she still wont leave my mind. I never tried writing yaoi... WAIT... I have...
Never mind... I will now go to Mangafox and excite myself to sleep.
I blush, I jump, I close my eyes, wrap myself in my blanket and roll in my rocking chair while watching BL.
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
I Messed Up AGAIN
You know. This always happens. I always get so upset cause my own stupid self that I hate so damn much. I take that anger out on some idiot who is willing to let me stab. No matter how many times I throw thorny roses on that idiot... That person... That guy... He just pisses me off... He... Never... Understands...
That is why........... He never helps.
In a way. He helps. By making me pissed off and giving up, I feel better.
I feel much better. Compared to just now. That's cause I gave up. Like usual.
The feeling when anger turns into tears. THAT JUST SUCKS. At least I can conclude that I am not a violent person.
What else can I write here. There's nothing NOT personal these days. My life has gotten even MORE messed up. And like always, it has NOTHING to do with YOU. NOTHING AT ALL. Don't go assuming like you did and always do, my problems never had anything to do with you. Maybe they did. Maybe I'm lying. Cause I don't wanna admit that I'm wrong, and that you're right.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I don't know. I just felt like it.
I hate everything about you. You hate everything about me. So why do you... LOVE ME?! A song by Three Days Grace. Nothing personal. Just felt like screaming the song out. I think I'll do that when I bury my face in my pillow later. I'll probably have to dry the pillow afterwards.
Ah. Friends... Really? I just don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore.
Well. I think I'll just go be one of those emo people that hides in a corner everyday... That life... What so different from the one I'm having now...
That is why........... He never helps.
In a way. He helps. By making me pissed off and giving up, I feel better.
I feel much better. Compared to just now. That's cause I gave up. Like usual.
The feeling when anger turns into tears. THAT JUST SUCKS. At least I can conclude that I am not a violent person.
What else can I write here. There's nothing NOT personal these days. My life has gotten even MORE messed up. And like always, it has NOTHING to do with YOU. NOTHING AT ALL. Don't go assuming like you did and always do, my problems never had anything to do with you. Maybe they did. Maybe I'm lying. Cause I don't wanna admit that I'm wrong, and that you're right.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I don't know. I just felt like it.
I hate everything about you. You hate everything about me. So why do you... LOVE ME?! A song by Three Days Grace. Nothing personal. Just felt like screaming the song out. I think I'll do that when I bury my face in my pillow later. I'll probably have to dry the pillow afterwards.
Ah. Friends... Really? I just don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore.
Well. I think I'll just go be one of those emo people that hides in a corner everyday... That life... What so different from the one I'm having now...
... And only when I start to think about it... I, hate EVERYTHING about you. You, hate EVERYTHING about me. Why... Do I... LOVE YOU?!...
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