Never Lasting Relationship

It didn't last. Our relationship lasted shorter than I thought. Just when I thought that everything would be normal again, just when I thought that I could change myself and be a better person, who knew how to love correctly. It was so sudden... Not even a good-bye... Just like last time, not one word when he left. How could I go through the same thing... THREE TIMES??????!!!!!

It wasn't even six months. I thought that we'd be together for at least a year. But, I guess I was wrong... AGAIN...

I never thought that I'd be this bad at loving something... I didn't even know... I still don't know... If Bugsy's a girl, or a boy. Bugsy, my little Bugsy... You left so soon, I didn't even get a chance to take a picture of you, or play with you... Although I hope that you'd die, I never thought that you'd die this soon.

WHAT?

It's troublesome taking care of a hamster, they may look small and cuddly and very VERY cute, but, they are a busy job. Like me, I have no time AT ALL, I have my sisters do the cleaning, of course, I clean once in a while... Like... Um... So far, I only cleaned for Bugsy... Um... About 5 times.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE A PICTURE OF BUGSY!

I can be worse at taking care of a pet. Yea, no wonder they all died.

I can't believe that I'm a worse owner than HE is! His only die when they eat each other. I don't know how they're doing now anyway.

I didn't feel it.

I didn't feel anything towards Bugsy. It was nothing... Bugsy runs away every time I go near the cage, it bites me when I try touching it...

Can't blame Bugsy. He's a natural at being sensitive. All Roborovski hamsters are the same, damn, I should have took the advice on Wikipedia. Apparently, Roborovskis are freaking active, and they're almost IMPOSSIBLE to keep as pets.

My mistake on that part.

Fuck my bro, he took my God damned laptop to Ipoh without asking me first! Fuck that!

UGH

About Bugsy's funeral... This Saturday after band I guess... Although... I don't have its body with me, and, my teacher said that animals don't have souls, once they close their eyes, that's it.

So... Is there even a need for a funeral????

Bugsy can choose a better to die too... The 1st day of the hungry ghost festival of the Chinese Lunar calender? OK... Um... 初一 is much easier.

You don't wanna know where the body is...

And You don't wanna know how I dealt with it...

It's cruel.

Fine. I burned it. OK? Happy now?

It's a BBQed hamster now, buried in wood shreds, hamster sand, newspaper, and apparently, cabbage.

Fine. Say whatever you want, but, it ain't animal cruelty, it's dead, it's numb, it's cold, it's hard, I hugged it before I burned it. It doesn't even have a soul anymore.

Bugsy, I was happy when I first bought you. But, even during your first day, I didn't really care. I left you there and went for a movie or something. I never got the chance to take a picture of you, I never held you so closely, it was until you died that I got the chance to finally hold you so closely.

I have only one regret.

I made a mistake choosing you, I never should have bought you. I made you miserable.

I'm sorry.

Here's to you Bugsy. May your body... Er... Fertilize the land...

Sorry. I've never loved you.